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Authors: Neil Pasricha
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just want to avoid The World’s Slowest Car Accident. Either way, you give them the pleasant, open-palmed Go-Ahead Wave, which is sort of how the ladies on The Price Is Right unveil a new washer and dryer set.
Proper courtesy-wave etiquette keeps two-way talking alive on our streets and prevents chaos from ruling the laneways. So when you do something generous keep watch for a wave, and when someone helps you out be sure to smile and wave right back.
AWESOME!
When you’re really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket on you
Hey, you know what’s even better than taking a nap on the couch? Well, I’ll tell you: that feeling you get just before you fall asleep on the couch.
Yes, that’s when you enter that blissful, semiconscious Pre-Nap World where your thoughts float and zoom around your brain and your muscles relax and detensify. The sun feels warm on your face, the radio in the background fades to a comforting white noise, and you know . . . you just know . . . that you’re about to fall asleep.
It feels great.
There are really only two things that can disturb you when you’re in the Pre-Nap World:
1. Feeling like you have to go to the bathroom. Sorry, but unless you trust your bladder to balloon without bursting, you might just have to get up for this one. Nobody can really help you go to the bathroom while you’re lying on the couch, unless they really, really love you.
2. Feeling cold. You get those ol’ lying-on-the-couch shivers. You know your sheets and blankets are back on your bed, and you could just get up to get them, but you don’t really want to move because then you’ll leave the blissful Pre-Nap World. And it’s a nice world. It’s a world you don’t leave lightly.
So that’s why it’s great whenever someone notices your dilemma and just quietly grabs a blanket from the closet and tosses it on your semiconscious self. If they’re really nice, they even flap the blanket above you and let it open up and softly land on you.
When that happens, you immediately feel the warmth radiating around you, a tiny smile curls itself on the corners of your lips, and you fall deeper and deeper into a nice, relaxing rest.
AWESOME!
Getting your ID checked when you’re way over the legal age
Hey, sometimes you’re in the mood for a few drinks.
Big bottle of merlot over a romantic spaghetti dinner, clinking beers floating in an icy cooler beside the tent, Jell-O shooters before the bars in college, or bubbly flutes of champagne for the big New Year’s bash.
Whatever your pleasure, whatever your poison, that’s cool with us. But before you get down with the booze-filled pour, you need to get out that door and run down to the liquor store. Word to your sister.
Now, if you’re like me, you go through four distinct phases when you get your ID checked, and they go a little something like this:
• Stage 1: Underage Rage. Okay, you’re not quite at the legal limit but you’re close enough to push it. Problem is that the pimply dude at the cash register ain’t buying your fake ID and you get busted at the scene. So close yet so far. You storm away with your Friday night plans dashed, burning with a bit of underage rage.
• Stage 2: New Booze Buzz. When you hit the legal limit, it’s time to fight for your right to party. You wheel your shopping cart around the store with pride, picking up a bit of this, a bit of that, and beaming like a schoolgirl when the cashier asks for your ID. “Why, no problem at all!” you say loudly, grinning widely at the tired, bleary-eyed folks behind you in line. “Thank you so much for asking!”
• Stage 3: Jaded Twentysomething. You’re four or five years over the limit and the novelty has worn off. Now it’s becoming a pain to dig through your wallet to find your driver’s license before scooting home with a six-pack for the game. Can’t the clerk clearly see you’re twenty-six? Does he think you could have grown that goatee five
Proper courtesy-wave etiquette keeps two-way talking alive on our streets and prevents chaos from ruling the laneways. So when you do something generous keep watch for a wave, and when someone helps you out be sure to smile and wave right back.
AWESOME!
When you’re really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket on you
Hey, you know what’s even better than taking a nap on the couch? Well, I’ll tell you: that feeling you get just before you fall asleep on the couch.
Yes, that’s when you enter that blissful, semiconscious Pre-Nap World where your thoughts float and zoom around your brain and your muscles relax and detensify. The sun feels warm on your face, the radio in the background fades to a comforting white noise, and you know . . . you just know . . . that you’re about to fall asleep.
It feels great.
There are really only two things that can disturb you when you’re in the Pre-Nap World:
1. Feeling like you have to go to the bathroom. Sorry, but unless you trust your bladder to balloon without bursting, you might just have to get up for this one. Nobody can really help you go to the bathroom while you’re lying on the couch, unless they really, really love you.
2. Feeling cold. You get those ol’ lying-on-the-couch shivers. You know your sheets and blankets are back on your bed, and you could just get up to get them, but you don’t really want to move because then you’ll leave the blissful Pre-Nap World. And it’s a nice world. It’s a world you don’t leave lightly.
So that’s why it’s great whenever someone notices your dilemma and just quietly grabs a blanket from the closet and tosses it on your semiconscious self. If they’re really nice, they even flap the blanket above you and let it open up and softly land on you.
When that happens, you immediately feel the warmth radiating around you, a tiny smile curls itself on the corners of your lips, and you fall deeper and deeper into a nice, relaxing rest.
AWESOME!
Getting your ID checked when you’re way over the legal age
Hey, sometimes you’re in the mood for a few drinks.
Big bottle of merlot over a romantic spaghetti dinner, clinking beers floating in an icy cooler beside the tent, Jell-O shooters before the bars in college, or bubbly flutes of champagne for the big New Year’s bash.
Whatever your pleasure, whatever your poison, that’s cool with us. But before you get down with the booze-filled pour, you need to get out that door and run down to the liquor store. Word to your sister.
Now, if you’re like me, you go through four distinct phases when you get your ID checked, and they go a little something like this:
• Stage 1: Underage Rage. Okay, you’re not quite at the legal limit but you’re close enough to push it. Problem is that the pimply dude at the cash register ain’t buying your fake ID and you get busted at the scene. So close yet so far. You storm away with your Friday night plans dashed, burning with a bit of underage rage.
• Stage 2: New Booze Buzz. When you hit the legal limit, it’s time to fight for your right to party. You wheel your shopping cart around the store with pride, picking up a bit of this, a bit of that, and beaming like a schoolgirl when the cashier asks for your ID. “Why, no problem at all!” you say loudly, grinning widely at the tired, bleary-eyed folks behind you in line. “Thank you so much for asking!”
• Stage 3: Jaded Twentysomething. You’re four or five years over the limit and the novelty has worn off. Now it’s becoming a pain to dig through your wallet to find your driver’s license before scooting home with a six-pack for the game. Can’t the clerk clearly see you’re twenty-six? Does he think you could have grown that goatee five
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