whisper. “Then you’ll be free of me.”
It takes a moment for the full impact of her words to hit me, for me to realize what she means by “free.” I swoop down over her and wrap her in so tight a hug that she squeaks in protest.
“I don’t want to be free of you.” My voice is strained and raspy; I don’t want her to see me cry. “Not ever.”
Mom smiles up at me as I pull back, examining her face.
I can already see the goodbye in her eyes.
fifteen
I wander into the kitchen, making myself a sandwich as I scroll through messages on my cuff. I widen the interface, staring at the holographic icons spinning before my eyes, thanks to my eye bots. I tap the communication box. The program bursts open, sparks of light shooting between my fingers and reforming into a video chat box hovering at eye-level.
“Contact: Akilah Xuereb,” I say.
A moment later, my best friend fills my vision.
“Hella’ Ella!” she says brightly. “Feeling better?”
“Not really,” I say. I touch the charm on my necklace—a fortune cookie locket. Inside is a digi file—Akilah and I at the Summer Festa when we were eight. The UC shipped in fireflies, and we stayed up half the night in Central Gardens, trying to catch them all. Dad gave Akilah and I both a locket—mine’s silver, hers in gold—with the digi strip inside it when her father left her family and she moved to the Foqra District.
Akilah leans forward. “What happened?” she asks.
For the first time in my life, I don’t reveal the secrets
of my heart to her. I used to tell Aks everything, but… this is the stuff of national security, of anti-terrorism. I can’t tell her about this.
“Is it your mother?” she asks.
It would be so easy for me to lie now, to tell her that everything bothering me comes back to Mom’s illness. And, of course, I’m worried that she’s worse, and the way she seems to have given up. But it’s not her ghost that haunts me.
“I’m just… I’m doing some new work at the mental spa,” I say.
“Gah, I wish I was there,” Akilah says. She applied to be an intern for her service year, just like me, but she was selected for military instead.
“Me too,” I say, my voice dropping. “But this… this job. It’s just—it’s really intense.”
“What are they having you do?”
I open my mouth, but I don’t know what to say. I can’t tell her that I just spied on someone’s mind —she’d never believe me, and even if she did, I don’t think I should say anything.
Akilah’s brow wrinkles in worry.
“I know you’re in the military now,” I say, “and basically the whole point of being a solider is taking orders. But… have you ever had to do something that…”
After a long pause, Akilah asks, “That what?”
“That scared you?” I say, the words rushing out. “I mean, you’re armed, and you’re trained, and it’s not like the War is still happening, but it might, and you don’t know what will happen, and you have to trust that the people higher up than you know what they’re doing, but it’s still dangerous, it’s still… scary.”
I almost roll my eyes at myself. I sound like such a moron. Scary? That’s the best word I could come up with?
“Just what is Ms. White having you do at the mental spa?” Akilah looks as frightened as I feel.
“It’s not—” I bite back the words. It’s not Ms. White. But how can I tell my best friend that I’m taking orders from the Prime Administrator of the entire freaking world?
Akilah curses. “I hate being stuck here, so far away from you!”
“I’m okay, Aks, really. Sorry to have bothered—”
“Don’t you dare , Ella Shepherd!” Akilah shoots back. “Don’t you dare try to apologize for this! Of course I want you to tell me if something’s wrong!”
I can hear the buzzing sound in my head again, and my skin jumps from the aftershocks of bombs that only went off in my mind.
“I—I’ve got to go,” I say. Akilah
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