Read Online The Black Album by Hanif Kureishi - Free Book Online Page A

in your room early in the morning.
     
    Brownlow enters, eager to talk to Riaz, who draws Shahid further away .
     
    How is the typing coming?
    Shahid I’ve had to change a few things in your poems.
     
    Riaz Excellent. Are you having to translate my work into current English?
     
    Shahid No, it’s more like –
     
    Riaz Smoothing out?
     
    Shahid Yes.
     
    Riaz Good. What did you think of my poem?
     
    Shahid Which one?
     
    Riaz ‘The Wrath’. ‘The Wrath’.
     

    Shahid I – uh – haven’t got to that one yet.
     
    Riaz Chad says you have had some work published.
     
    Shahid In a magazine. A while ago.
     
    Riaz What was it called?
     
    Shahid ‘Paki Wog Fuck Off Home’.
     
    Riaz Did they publish it?
     
    Shahid They were going to. Except my ammi tore up the manuscript. Said no one would want to read such filth.
     
    Riaz Muslims like us will never get accepted.
     
    Shahid Oh no, there’s nothing more fashionable than people like us. You, brother, could have a wide appeal if the media knew of you.
     
    Riaz The media, yes. You must submit an article on this matter of blasphemy to the national newspapers.
     
    Shahid It’s difficult, with my room now a pilgrimage site …
     
    Riaz How are you getting on with Tahira?
     
    Shahid Fine, fine. She’s a good brother – ( correcting himself ) sister.
     
    Riaz An example to all our women. Modest. Obedient. She will make a good companion to a true young Muslim leader. And she wears no make-up.
     
    Shahid What?
     
    Riaz ( reassuring ) Let me see what I can do about your room. ( Turning to Brownlow .) Welcome, Dr Brownlow to the site of the bona-fide miracle.
     
    Brownlow I have arranged for Councillor R-R-Rudder to attend.
     

    Riaz Excellent, excellent. You see, Shahid, all the great powers in the community are gathering in support of our cause. Councillor George Rugman Rudder is Labour leader of the entire elected council here. Will you write down what he says? ( To Brownlow .) We need him to deliver a bigger place, Dr Brownlow.
     
    Councillor Rudder enters, sporting a huge cigar. The crowd gathers behind Riaz and Brownlow, to welcome Rudder .
     
    Rudder Hello there, people! Hello, all!
     
    Riaz, Brownlow and Rudder shake hands while Hat takes a photo, and Shahid scribbles furiously .
     
    Riaz Thank you for coming, Mr Rudder. We knew you would pay your respects.
     
    Rudder Naturally, naturally. What a marvellous crowd, worshipping the fruit of the earth! What a popular aubergine, top of the vegetable table! What a sound method of communication the miracle is! Thank God a Tory borough wasn’t chosen!
     
    Riaz Mr Rudder, our sincere thanks again for letting us use a private house in this public way. We understand how illegal it normally is. The whole community is eternally grateful. You are a true friend of Asia.
     
    Chad ( while continuing to circle the aubergine ) Friend of Asia!
     
    Hat ( picking up the chant ) And of Southall!
     
    Tahira And of Newham!
     
    Chad And of Brick Lane – Asia’s best friend!
     
    Hat and Tahira lead in the chant ‘Friend of Asia, friend of Asia, Asia’s best friend!’ as they continue to circle the aubergine .
     

    Rudder Yes, and I’ll be rewarded in heaven, no doubt. The Seventh Day Adventists have expressed deep satisfaction, and, it is said, mention my ailments in their prayers. Rastafarians shake my hand as I walk my dog. I am East London’s one true Anglo-Saxon friend! ( To Riaz and Brownlow .) Naturally I have been generous enough to use my influence, against very racialist opposition, to open a private house in this way. But you are also smart enough to know, Riaz – and you are a smarty – that it can’t last for ever.
     
    Riaz Which is why, Councillor Rudder, we have been thinking so much about the Town Hall for the preservation of the sacred miracle in public.
     
    Brownlow ( taken aback ) Y-y-yes, the T-T-Town Hall.
     
    Rudder The Town Hall?
     
    Riaz Is there a reason why not?
     
    Chad (