encourage me to mind them — taking away my television privileges, eliminating dessert from my diet, banning me from inviting my nonexistent friends over to play — but I continued to do what I believed to be best. This included everything from roaming the streets at all hours in search of my brother’s new family. For whatever reason, my young mind was certain that he was hidden in plain sight from me, and I knew I just had to catch his new family unawares. They had to live somewhere close to me.
I would sneak out of Harry and Charlene’s place at any hour of the day or night, hoof it from block to block, and peer into the windows of unsuspecting families’ houses, making mental notations of clues that would set my heart beating. If there were toys for little boys scattered throughout the front yard, I would pay particular attention to my reconnaissance efforts, waiting at the windows for movement inside.
Of course, almost inevitably, one night I scared a housewife half to death when she saw my pale face outside in the bushes, looking in. I’d been taken into custody by the police, Harry and Charlene had been called, and they sat me down and had a stern talk about what kinds of things I could expect if I continued my ludicrous search for my brother.
“What in the world do you think you’re trying to do?” Harry demanded of me, sitting me down at the kitchen table as soon as we got back home.
“You can’t keep me from him,” I fumed, furious that they’d figured out the only thing that mattered to me — finding my brother and reuniting our small family. I wondered if he was walking and talking at this point. I wondered if he still remembered how to say “Faith.” I could do without kids’ shows and sweets. Those tiny points of joy paled in comparison to what I really desired. My brother was a different story, a different animal that drove me to do things that didn’t make sense to anyone around me.
“Can’t keep you from who, sweetheart?” Charlene asked, raising her eyebrows at her husband. “Who were you trying to see at that house?”
“He’s my only family, and I’m his only family,” I said. “We need each other. I need to find my brother.”
“Is that what this is all about?” Harry asked, dumbfounded. “You’re out at all hours looking for your brother? I don’t think you realize this, but you’re a little girl. The streets — and the people in them — are dangerous. Anything could happen, and it’s obvious you have someone watching over you, or else something might’ve already happened.”
I opened my mouth to form another retort, but nothing came out. My throat seized up, and I realized that it was my parents who were watching over me, guiding my path through the dark and helping me find my way — if not to my brother, than back to safety each time I tempted fate.
If they were looking out for me, then they were most certainly looking out for Luke.
“I know things are hard for you,” Charlene said, covering my hand tentatively with her own. I wasn’t really a child who inspired hugs and physical demonstrations of affection, but I allowed this contact just because my mind was reeling. Even if they were dead, our real parents weren’t really gone. They were looking out for us.
“You need to keep yourself safe,” Charlene persisted, even though she had to know I was only half listening. “When you get old enough, you can ask to be the guardian of your brother — if that’s what you still want to do, and if you think he’d agree to it, too. Courts don’t want to keep families apart. They just want to make sure families can take care of each other. Right now, though, you need to learn how to take care of yourself, Faith. Stop putting yourself in danger. Figure out how to do well at school and make friends so that you can be successful enough in your future to get what you want.”
After that night, something inside
I would sneak out of Harry and Charlene’s place at any hour of the day or night, hoof it from block to block, and peer into the windows of unsuspecting families’ houses, making mental notations of clues that would set my heart beating. If there were toys for little boys scattered throughout the front yard, I would pay particular attention to my reconnaissance efforts, waiting at the windows for movement inside.
Of course, almost inevitably, one night I scared a housewife half to death when she saw my pale face outside in the bushes, looking in. I’d been taken into custody by the police, Harry and Charlene had been called, and they sat me down and had a stern talk about what kinds of things I could expect if I continued my ludicrous search for my brother.
“What in the world do you think you’re trying to do?” Harry demanded of me, sitting me down at the kitchen table as soon as we got back home.
“You can’t keep me from him,” I fumed, furious that they’d figured out the only thing that mattered to me — finding my brother and reuniting our small family. I wondered if he was walking and talking at this point. I wondered if he still remembered how to say “Faith.” I could do without kids’ shows and sweets. Those tiny points of joy paled in comparison to what I really desired. My brother was a different story, a different animal that drove me to do things that didn’t make sense to anyone around me.
“Can’t keep you from who, sweetheart?” Charlene asked, raising her eyebrows at her husband. “Who were you trying to see at that house?”
“He’s my only family, and I’m his only family,” I said. “We need each other. I need to find my brother.”
“Is that what this is all about?” Harry asked, dumbfounded. “You’re out at all hours looking for your brother? I don’t think you realize this, but you’re a little girl. The streets — and the people in them — are dangerous. Anything could happen, and it’s obvious you have someone watching over you, or else something might’ve already happened.”
I opened my mouth to form another retort, but nothing came out. My throat seized up, and I realized that it was my parents who were watching over me, guiding my path through the dark and helping me find my way — if not to my brother, than back to safety each time I tempted fate.
If they were looking out for me, then they were most certainly looking out for Luke.
“I know things are hard for you,” Charlene said, covering my hand tentatively with her own. I wasn’t really a child who inspired hugs and physical demonstrations of affection, but I allowed this contact just because my mind was reeling. Even if they were dead, our real parents weren’t really gone. They were looking out for us.
“You need to keep yourself safe,” Charlene persisted, even though she had to know I was only half listening. “When you get old enough, you can ask to be the guardian of your brother — if that’s what you still want to do, and if you think he’d agree to it, too. Courts don’t want to keep families apart. They just want to make sure families can take care of each other. Right now, though, you need to learn how to take care of yourself, Faith. Stop putting yourself in danger. Figure out how to do well at school and make friends so that you can be successful enough in your future to get what you want.”
After that night, something inside
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