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Authors: Barbara Robinson
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Department Speed and Safety Award.
“I can’t believe this improvement,” the fire chief said. “Last time it took you thirty-four minutes to vacate the building. What happened?”
“You know what happened,” Mr. Crabtree said. “We lost half the kindergarten. Ollie Herdman led them out a basement door and took them all downtown.”
“I mean, what happened this time?”
“Nothing happened this time,” Mr. Crabtree said, “because Ollie isn’t here. Neither is Ralph or Imogene or Leroy or Claude or Gladys.”
“Where are they?”
“They’re absent,” Mr. Crabtree said.
The chief sighed. “I thought maybe they moved away. Oh, well . . .” He sighed again and said in that case he’d better get back to the firehouse and be ready for anything.
Everyone was pretty excited about the Speed and Safety Award, because we had never won anything before and probably never would again till the last Herdman was gone from Woodrow Wilson School.
So far, though, we could only be excited about the honor of it because we wouldn’t get the actual award till Fire Prevention Day. There was a Fire Prevention Day every year, but all we ever got were Smokey the Bear stickers, so this was a big step up. There would be a special assembly with the fire chief and the mayor there, and the newspaper would send someone to take pictures and interview kids about fire prevention.
Of course fire prevention was the last thing the Herdmans knew anything about— except to be against it, I guess—so you had to hope the reporter wouldn’t pick one of them to interview. You had to hope they wouldn’t show up for this big event wearing beer advertisement T-shirts. You had to hope they wouldn’t show up.
“Maybe they won’t,” Charlie said. “Maybe they don’t even know we won the award.”
It’s true that the Herdmans didn’t know much if you count things like who invented the telephone, but they always knew what was going on around them, which in this case was plenty. There were signs and posters about fires and firemen everywhere; all the blackboards said “Woodrow Wilson Elementary School, Speed and Safety Winner!” Kids were making bookmarks and placemats, and writing poems and stories about our big accomplishment. We didn’t even have hot dogs and hamburgers at lunch—we had Fire Dogs and Smokey Burgers.
How could the Herdmans miss all this? They didn’t.
Somebody in the second grade brought in this great big stuffed bear and they stood it up in the hall with a sign around its neck— “Smokey says Congratulations to the Woodrow Wilson School!”—and the very next day there was the bear with its paws full of matches and cigarette lighters, firecrackers in its lap, and a half-smoked cigar sticking out of its mouth . . . Smokey, the Fire-Bug Bear.
“Oh, that is so disgusting!” Alice said. “What if someone reports it to the fire department? We might not even get the award. As usual, they’re going to mess everything up and ruin the whole assembly, hitting people and tripping people and folding little kids up in the seats!”
I guess Mr. Crabtree came in the back door that day and didn’t know what had happened to the bear, because the first announcement was all about the outstanding fire-prevention display by the second grade. “I want every student to stop by the second-grade room and see our very own Smokey the Bear,” he said, “and let’s be sure to thank those second graders for this . . .” Then there were some whispers and a thwip sound as somebody put a hand over the microphone, but you could still hear voices and a few words: “. . . matches . . . horrible wet cigar . . . get rid of that bear . . .”
Then the secretary, Mrs. Parker, got on and shuffled some papers and cleared her throat and said that Mr. Crabtree had been called away suddenly and she would finish the announcements: Picture money was due by Friday; a Fred Flintstone lunch box had been left on Bus 4; there would be a meeting
“I can’t believe this improvement,” the fire chief said. “Last time it took you thirty-four minutes to vacate the building. What happened?”
“You know what happened,” Mr. Crabtree said. “We lost half the kindergarten. Ollie Herdman led them out a basement door and took them all downtown.”
“I mean, what happened this time?”
“Nothing happened this time,” Mr. Crabtree said, “because Ollie isn’t here. Neither is Ralph or Imogene or Leroy or Claude or Gladys.”
“Where are they?”
“They’re absent,” Mr. Crabtree said.
The chief sighed. “I thought maybe they moved away. Oh, well . . .” He sighed again and said in that case he’d better get back to the firehouse and be ready for anything.
Everyone was pretty excited about the Speed and Safety Award, because we had never won anything before and probably never would again till the last Herdman was gone from Woodrow Wilson School.
So far, though, we could only be excited about the honor of it because we wouldn’t get the actual award till Fire Prevention Day. There was a Fire Prevention Day every year, but all we ever got were Smokey the Bear stickers, so this was a big step up. There would be a special assembly with the fire chief and the mayor there, and the newspaper would send someone to take pictures and interview kids about fire prevention.
Of course fire prevention was the last thing the Herdmans knew anything about— except to be against it, I guess—so you had to hope the reporter wouldn’t pick one of them to interview. You had to hope they wouldn’t show up for this big event wearing beer advertisement T-shirts. You had to hope they wouldn’t show up.
“Maybe they won’t,” Charlie said. “Maybe they don’t even know we won the award.”
It’s true that the Herdmans didn’t know much if you count things like who invented the telephone, but they always knew what was going on around them, which in this case was plenty. There were signs and posters about fires and firemen everywhere; all the blackboards said “Woodrow Wilson Elementary School, Speed and Safety Winner!” Kids were making bookmarks and placemats, and writing poems and stories about our big accomplishment. We didn’t even have hot dogs and hamburgers at lunch—we had Fire Dogs and Smokey Burgers.
How could the Herdmans miss all this? They didn’t.
Somebody in the second grade brought in this great big stuffed bear and they stood it up in the hall with a sign around its neck— “Smokey says Congratulations to the Woodrow Wilson School!”—and the very next day there was the bear with its paws full of matches and cigarette lighters, firecrackers in its lap, and a half-smoked cigar sticking out of its mouth . . . Smokey, the Fire-Bug Bear.
“Oh, that is so disgusting!” Alice said. “What if someone reports it to the fire department? We might not even get the award. As usual, they’re going to mess everything up and ruin the whole assembly, hitting people and tripping people and folding little kids up in the seats!”
I guess Mr. Crabtree came in the back door that day and didn’t know what had happened to the bear, because the first announcement was all about the outstanding fire-prevention display by the second grade. “I want every student to stop by the second-grade room and see our very own Smokey the Bear,” he said, “and let’s be sure to thank those second graders for this . . .” Then there were some whispers and a thwip sound as somebody put a hand over the microphone, but you could still hear voices and a few words: “. . . matches . . . horrible wet cigar . . . get rid of that bear . . .”
Then the secretary, Mrs. Parker, got on and shuffled some papers and cleared her throat and said that Mr. Crabtree had been called away suddenly and she would finish the announcements: Picture money was due by Friday; a Fred Flintstone lunch box had been left on Bus 4; there would be a meeting
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