Read Online The Beloved by Alison Rattle - Free Book Online Page A

on the door with my fists. ‘Eli!’ I shout. ‘Eli! Eli!’
    But no one comes.
    What have I done to deserve this? Nothing, I think. Nothing, but to be myself.
    I pace some more, but my legs are weak now. They tremble, and my head feels light. It is only hunger, I tell myself. It is not a symptom of madness. Even so, I walk to the bed and lie down, curling myself into a ball. I close my eyes and I think back to when I was small and how I used to curl like this into Papa’s lap when Mama allowed me and Eli down from the nursery. She would scold me for running across the drawing room and jumping into Papa’s arms. ‘Alice! Walk. Do not run!’ I would bury myself in his lap and fold up into the smallest ball I could, thinking that if I could not see Mama, then she could not see me. But I could always hear her. As Papa stroked my hair and rocked me gently on his knee, Mama would spoil every moment of it. ‘You indulge her too much, Arthur,’ she would say. ‘It will do her no good in the long run.’
    Eli would sit quietly with his hands folded neatly on his lap. ‘And what have you been reading today?’ Mama would ask him.
    â€˜I have been looking at the atlas,’ Eli would reply. ‘I know where Africa is now.’
    I remember Mama clapping her hands in delight. ‘See, Arthur? See how clever our little boy is?’ I would wait, trembling, in Papa’s lap, knowing it was my turn next. I pushed my face deep into the tired tobacco musk of his waistcoat, until my breath was moist on my hot cheeks. ‘Alice! Get down from there.’ There would be Mama’s accusing voice. ‘She is not a dog, Arthur. Please do not treat her like one.’
    Then Papa’s legs would shift and he would sit forward and grip me around the waist. ‘Come on, Alice. Enough now. Do as your mother says.’
    But I wouldn’t let go. I never wanted to let go. And Papa would have to stand up and peel my small hands from their grip on his jacket. When he finally managed to set me on the floor, I was so angry with Mama that when she asked me, ‘So, Alice. Tell me what you have learned today,’ I would screw my face up tight and refuse to speak a word.
    â€˜You see, Arthur?’ Mama’s shrill words would follow me out of the room when the nanny came to usher me away. ‘You see how you’ve spoiled her? She is like a little wild animal!’
    A noise outside my room pulls me sharply away from my memories. I look around, hoping to see Eli’s face appear as the door opens. But it is just the maid again, from earlier. This time she is carrying a tray which she sets down on my bedside table. She looks at me warily, then turns to go.
    â€˜Wait!’ I say. She stops. But her hand reaches for the doorknob, and she lets it rest there. ‘What is your name?’ I ask her.
    â€˜Sarah, miss,’ she says. ‘Me name’s Sarah.’
    I sit up and swing my legs off the bed. I see Sarah’s hand tighten its hold on the doorknob. She looks to be the same age as me – sixteen or so – but her plain face still has the touch of a child to it, despite the tired circles under her eyes. ‘Do not look so frightened,’ I tell her. ‘I only want to know if you have seen Master Eli today.’
    â€˜Oh no, miss.’ She shakes her head. ‘I only normally works in the kitchens. First time I’ve done upstairs duties is today.’
    â€˜Well then,’ I say. ‘Do you think you could do the kindest of favours and take a message to him from me?
    Her eyes widen. ‘Don’t think I could, miss. I wouldn’t know how.’
    â€˜It’s simple, Sarah,’ I tell her. ‘I will write a note and all you have to do is take it to his room. It is the fourth door on the right, down the corridor.’
    She shakes her head again, vigorously. ‘I couldn’t, miss. Sorry, miss. But I’m to go