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Authors: D. S. Wrights
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bumps. Even though it sounded like him, I couldn’t be sure, because there was something off, something different about this sound, like it was cold; lacking that tenderness he had shown the last time.
As if he wanted to prove me right, he simply... skipped the foreplay and prodded himself into me with one thrust that made me whine, but then, just when I was about to fight back acidy tears, he was exhaling this whisper, which was a strange, crazy, insane relief like stepping into a warm room after a day of freezing: “mine”.
All my reluctance was washed away and I tried to meet him as well as possible, even though he did me really hard and it didn’t feel right, as if he wasn’t really there. Deep hard strokes, hitting the end, making me whine and whimper more than moan. I wanted to change that, but there was no way of touching him, as if he did not want to give me any chance to turn this into something tenderer. So, I did what I did not want to do: opened my eyes and tried to look back. All I saw was a pair of strangely green eyes glaring at me. Corroded copper.
I never came so hard and painful in my entire life. I had no idea that it could be that way. This time it was me forcing him to come. Maybe because I tensed so hard that I was cramping.
These eyes, they are not human.
These eyes, they are cat-like, and still greenish.
It hurts. I feel sore, and somehow I feel cold, used.
I had no chance to think myself away, into a different scene. He was different. Something happened. It has to be that. There is no other explanation. It seemed like he wanted to be gentle but he couldn’t. Like his mind was somewhere else, just like mine had been held by reality.
I don’t feel warm, I don’t feel comfortable, or well, or anything like the last times.
I don’t relive it like the times before.
And I feel like crying.
They stole our illusion, my illusion. And I feel like... I don’t know how. Like this was meant to make us feel better, but left us for worse.
Day 37
I’m not sure whether I want so see him today or not.
Yesterday was just... It felt wrong.
Although I keep thinking about it, and about him, I just... I don’t know how to feel or what to think.
It just felt like whatever connection there was, it has been broken. My bubble of illusion has exploded and the shards of it are... showing me the reality in the cruelest way, bluntly, blatantly.
I want to believe that White had done something. But maybe it was because I touched his face.
Could it really be my fault?
Have I crossed a line, broken a rule?
How could I have known?
And then again: the eyes. They are definitely not human, but those definitely aren’t ape eyes either.
What is he?
When I think that I’ve been abducted for 37 days now... everything feels like being ripped out of time. I wonder if anyone is even looking for me or if those people are capable of faking... what if they have faked my death?
What if there was a funeral, what if everyone believes I’m dead?
No... they would need a corpse and the easiest one would be mine.
I have to make sure that this doesn’t happen.
My beast might have been attached to me, but strategically I need others to be attached to me as well, just to be sure... This reminds me of the way White treated and looked at me the last time he visited. I want to throw up.
If my family believes that I ran away... would they really believe that? Would my Dad and Mom think that I would just... leave my responsibility, that I just don’t give a damn about them?
There’s no one caring about me being alive but me. I bet White can replace me if my beast loses interest in me. If that happens... maybe they’ll kill me?
Then this will be over.
Maybe this is even the best way out.
I didn’t get out of my room apart from working out twice, which means I won’t have another ‘session’.
Somehow I feel indifferent about this.
I don’t want to do anything. I just want to stare at the ceiling and be
As if he wanted to prove me right, he simply... skipped the foreplay and prodded himself into me with one thrust that made me whine, but then, just when I was about to fight back acidy tears, he was exhaling this whisper, which was a strange, crazy, insane relief like stepping into a warm room after a day of freezing: “mine”.
All my reluctance was washed away and I tried to meet him as well as possible, even though he did me really hard and it didn’t feel right, as if he wasn’t really there. Deep hard strokes, hitting the end, making me whine and whimper more than moan. I wanted to change that, but there was no way of touching him, as if he did not want to give me any chance to turn this into something tenderer. So, I did what I did not want to do: opened my eyes and tried to look back. All I saw was a pair of strangely green eyes glaring at me. Corroded copper.
I never came so hard and painful in my entire life. I had no idea that it could be that way. This time it was me forcing him to come. Maybe because I tensed so hard that I was cramping.
These eyes, they are not human.
These eyes, they are cat-like, and still greenish.
It hurts. I feel sore, and somehow I feel cold, used.
I had no chance to think myself away, into a different scene. He was different. Something happened. It has to be that. There is no other explanation. It seemed like he wanted to be gentle but he couldn’t. Like his mind was somewhere else, just like mine had been held by reality.
I don’t feel warm, I don’t feel comfortable, or well, or anything like the last times.
I don’t relive it like the times before.
And I feel like crying.
They stole our illusion, my illusion. And I feel like... I don’t know how. Like this was meant to make us feel better, but left us for worse.
Day 37
I’m not sure whether I want so see him today or not.
Yesterday was just... It felt wrong.
Although I keep thinking about it, and about him, I just... I don’t know how to feel or what to think.
It just felt like whatever connection there was, it has been broken. My bubble of illusion has exploded and the shards of it are... showing me the reality in the cruelest way, bluntly, blatantly.
I want to believe that White had done something. But maybe it was because I touched his face.
Could it really be my fault?
Have I crossed a line, broken a rule?
How could I have known?
And then again: the eyes. They are definitely not human, but those definitely aren’t ape eyes either.
What is he?
When I think that I’ve been abducted for 37 days now... everything feels like being ripped out of time. I wonder if anyone is even looking for me or if those people are capable of faking... what if they have faked my death?
What if there was a funeral, what if everyone believes I’m dead?
No... they would need a corpse and the easiest one would be mine.
I have to make sure that this doesn’t happen.
My beast might have been attached to me, but strategically I need others to be attached to me as well, just to be sure... This reminds me of the way White treated and looked at me the last time he visited. I want to throw up.
If my family believes that I ran away... would they really believe that? Would my Dad and Mom think that I would just... leave my responsibility, that I just don’t give a damn about them?
There’s no one caring about me being alive but me. I bet White can replace me if my beast loses interest in me. If that happens... maybe they’ll kill me?
Then this will be over.
Maybe this is even the best way out.
I didn’t get out of my room apart from working out twice, which means I won’t have another ‘session’.
Somehow I feel indifferent about this.
I don’t want to do anything. I just want to stare at the ceiling and be
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