Read Online The Bear: A Novel by Claire Cameron - Free Book Online
Authors: Claire Cameron
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pigtails. Jessica isn’t here so she can’t see and laugh so I keep pulling. My arms at the top start to get burn and so does my back. I have to stop and put my chest down on the tippy point of the canoe and let the burn drip out my fingertips. It slides down my arms and goes so I can pull water again. I pull pull pull and I turn my head to the side so my whole hand can be in the water and pulling like Momma says to do with the paddle to make it go faster. I look at the island and a tree on it and it is getting a little closer so I keep pulling as much as I can. Soon the burn comes again and I have to stop and drip.
I need help and I turn to ask Stick if he will paddle. He is sitting in the middle of the canoe like I told him and not moving because he is busy eating the cookie I gave him. He eats it slow because he always eats anything with chocolate really slow so he will have some in the end and I won’t. I feel mad that he is eating every cookie and not me.
“Help me?”
He looks up and holds up half a cookie and has chocolate smeared on his face just to show that he has a cookie left and I don’t. He pushes his round cheeks into smiles. He has two dots in them. Momma said when he paddles he only dips for lilies and doesn’t make the canoe swim any faster or maybe even slows it down. When she said that she and I had a giggle that Stick couldn’t see but not like a mean laugh. It was a laugh because the Stick is pretty funny and also still like a baby a lot of the time so you can’t ask him to do hard things and then get mad because he forgets or wanders off or doesn’t. Stick is like having an extra bag. Except a bag sits still and holds clothes. This bag is wet and eating all the cookies and showing me he has some when I have none.
“Cookie!” says Stick.
I look at Daddy’s broken paddle on land and worry drips into my heart. I don’t see Daddy. Momma said to take Stick in the canoe and wait. A little puddle of black sits in my heart too and I know Momma said to wait. I am supposed to get Stick in the canoe and wait and now I am going back. I am bad. I want to be good girl and Daddy will come back again and my family will be four.
“Wanna go for a ride, Stick?”
“Yep.”
I am a good girl.
I scoop my hands in the water a lot of times but I can’t turn the canoe around. I don’t know what to do and worry that I am bad again. I look at the canoe and think what Momma said that a canoe is the same pointy on both sides. I need to climb around to where the back is pointing and I can go that way. Only it will be hard not to be tipsy. I put my hands on the sides of the canoe and move my feet. I am in the middle with only a little tipsy and I have to step over the cookies and step over Stick and his crumbs. I am at the back of the canoe and it is now the front. I lean on the pointy part and put my chest on it. I put my hands like cups and I pull pull pull and Stick and I go into the lake and I keep going. My arms hurt and I do more pulls. I keep going and after a long time maybe forever I think that my stomach feels cookie sick and that the canoe is going rock rock rock like a lullaby. I am tired because Coleman wouldn’t let me sleep so much. The wind pushes at my hair and my arms feel so heavy from the burn and it won’t drip out the ends of my fingers because now it’s too thick and so it just stays still and I try to keep pulling. I know Momma feels really proud.
Part II
Mainland near Lake Opeongo,
Algonquin Park, 1991
10.
I open my eyes and I am dreaming that I am in a tin can like a little fish. I am dreaming except I can see. Momma has clean toes and her foot is in a sandal that is leather and wraps around her toe. I curl my arm around her brown leg and it is so smooth. I rub her skin and she rings the doorbell of Jessica’s house and pushes my hand away and bends her neck to smile at me. Her forehead is smooth like a bowl and her teeth are a piano but not the black
I need help and I turn to ask Stick if he will paddle. He is sitting in the middle of the canoe like I told him and not moving because he is busy eating the cookie I gave him. He eats it slow because he always eats anything with chocolate really slow so he will have some in the end and I won’t. I feel mad that he is eating every cookie and not me.
“Help me?”
He looks up and holds up half a cookie and has chocolate smeared on his face just to show that he has a cookie left and I don’t. He pushes his round cheeks into smiles. He has two dots in them. Momma said when he paddles he only dips for lilies and doesn’t make the canoe swim any faster or maybe even slows it down. When she said that she and I had a giggle that Stick couldn’t see but not like a mean laugh. It was a laugh because the Stick is pretty funny and also still like a baby a lot of the time so you can’t ask him to do hard things and then get mad because he forgets or wanders off or doesn’t. Stick is like having an extra bag. Except a bag sits still and holds clothes. This bag is wet and eating all the cookies and showing me he has some when I have none.
“Cookie!” says Stick.
I look at Daddy’s broken paddle on land and worry drips into my heart. I don’t see Daddy. Momma said to take Stick in the canoe and wait. A little puddle of black sits in my heart too and I know Momma said to wait. I am supposed to get Stick in the canoe and wait and now I am going back. I am bad. I want to be good girl and Daddy will come back again and my family will be four.
“Wanna go for a ride, Stick?”
“Yep.”
I am a good girl.
I scoop my hands in the water a lot of times but I can’t turn the canoe around. I don’t know what to do and worry that I am bad again. I look at the canoe and think what Momma said that a canoe is the same pointy on both sides. I need to climb around to where the back is pointing and I can go that way. Only it will be hard not to be tipsy. I put my hands on the sides of the canoe and move my feet. I am in the middle with only a little tipsy and I have to step over the cookies and step over Stick and his crumbs. I am at the back of the canoe and it is now the front. I lean on the pointy part and put my chest on it. I put my hands like cups and I pull pull pull and Stick and I go into the lake and I keep going. My arms hurt and I do more pulls. I keep going and after a long time maybe forever I think that my stomach feels cookie sick and that the canoe is going rock rock rock like a lullaby. I am tired because Coleman wouldn’t let me sleep so much. The wind pushes at my hair and my arms feel so heavy from the burn and it won’t drip out the ends of my fingers because now it’s too thick and so it just stays still and I try to keep pulling. I know Momma feels really proud.
Part II
Mainland near Lake Opeongo,
Algonquin Park, 1991
10.
I open my eyes and I am dreaming that I am in a tin can like a little fish. I am dreaming except I can see. Momma has clean toes and her foot is in a sandal that is leather and wraps around her toe. I curl my arm around her brown leg and it is so smooth. I rub her skin and she rings the doorbell of Jessica’s house and pushes my hand away and bends her neck to smile at me. Her forehead is smooth like a bowl and her teeth are a piano but not the black
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