Read Online The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Daniel Handler
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help you. I remember how hard it was when Garth and I first started our relationship, so let me know what I can do . (It was hard not to giggle. Kate loves to discuss relationships using everything she learned from her rela- tionship with Garth, which was her only relationship and was one and a half weeks in duration.)
Jennifer Rose Milton: He seems nice, but not really my type . (She wouldn’t elaborate on what was her type, or if she were in fact typing. A coy mistress, Ms. Milton.)
Natasha: Certainly delicious-looking. That shirt begged for unbuttoning, but I don’t think I could steal him away from you, dear. Whatever did you tell him on your wine walk that kept him so entranced all evening ?
Gabriel: He seemed, well, acceptable, Flannery. I don’t know. Don’t ask me these things. I’m too, um, protective of you, I think .
Douglas: Douglas suspected that he studied under the Suzuki method, which he disapproves of, but that can’t be helped .
Lily: Very charming, Flan, but I don’t know what lurks underneath that charm .
V : Snap him up, Flannery Culp! So polite! So well groomed! I didn’t know they made them like that in public school anymore .
Adam:
THE VERDICT ON FLORA HABSTAT
Kate: Who? Oh, yes. Do you have to ask? She hasn’t even called to thank me and it’s nearly noon .
Jennifer Rose Milton: I think she was trying a little too hard, but she really is very nice, don’t you think ?
Natasha: Did I call it on The Guinness Book or what, Flan ?
Gabriel: Well, I suppose she’s very nice, but I think a little, how should I put it, non-exciting. A dud, frankly. I don’t really mean that. I’m sure her friends like her very much .
Douglas: He didn’t say anything about her .
Lily: I myself thought that she either had an incredibly subtle deadpan sense of humor and was laughing at us all night, or was very slow. It’s sometimes so hard to tell .
V : Well, she helped clear the table .
Adam: Adam: Adam: ADAM:
Vocabulary:
CONFIDANTE EPIPHANY UNREQUITED ELEPHANTINE EUPHEMISMS
Study Questions:
Did you understand the difference between authority and authoritarianism? Answer honestly.
V—, in reality, has more than one letter in her name. Why do you think Flannery calls her V—in her journal? (Hint: V—’s family is extremely wealthy and could influence publishers to keep any of their relatives out of a book that could damage the family’s reputation.)
The stories of great operas contain thwarted love, jealous anger and violent murder and are called great art. Yet others who demonstrate these things have been punished. Isn’t this hypocritical? Discuss.
You have undoubtedly seen photographs of Flannery Culp in newspapers and magazines. Is she fat? Be honest.
Monday September 13
Sophomore year, Miss Mills, an English teacher rumored to be an ex-nun, taught us all about pathetic fallacy: If a
character in literature is feeling a particular emotion acutely, the inanimate surroundings–you know, weather, landscape, stuff like that–tend to accentuate that mood. Thus armed to work as a literary editor, I checked the weather when I stepped outside for the bus, knowing it would tell me how Friday’s Calc test would turn out. The skies were gray, but it wasn’t raining–I figured maybe C or C+. I began to trudge up the hill, only to speed my pace up to a bleary shuffle; Adam’s tall thin shape was half a block ahead of me. I tried not to run so I wouldn’t be too obvious: “Adam? (pant, pant) I didn’t see you…”
“Adam?” I called out, ten paces behind him. Adam turned around and looked at me quizzically. It wasn’t Adam; it was Frank Whitelaw. At that very moment the clouds broke.
Frank Whitelaw took a full three seconds to look up at the sky and then back at me. If it were anyone else it would be a master- piece of deadpan timing; with Frank Whitelaw you knew that three seconds was top neural synapse speed. (I’m not sure if that biological term is correct
Jennifer Rose Milton: He seems nice, but not really my type . (She wouldn’t elaborate on what was her type, or if she were in fact typing. A coy mistress, Ms. Milton.)
Natasha: Certainly delicious-looking. That shirt begged for unbuttoning, but I don’t think I could steal him away from you, dear. Whatever did you tell him on your wine walk that kept him so entranced all evening ?
Gabriel: He seemed, well, acceptable, Flannery. I don’t know. Don’t ask me these things. I’m too, um, protective of you, I think .
Douglas: Douglas suspected that he studied under the Suzuki method, which he disapproves of, but that can’t be helped .
Lily: Very charming, Flan, but I don’t know what lurks underneath that charm .
V : Snap him up, Flannery Culp! So polite! So well groomed! I didn’t know they made them like that in public school anymore .
Adam:
THE VERDICT ON FLORA HABSTAT
Kate: Who? Oh, yes. Do you have to ask? She hasn’t even called to thank me and it’s nearly noon .
Jennifer Rose Milton: I think she was trying a little too hard, but she really is very nice, don’t you think ?
Natasha: Did I call it on The Guinness Book or what, Flan ?
Gabriel: Well, I suppose she’s very nice, but I think a little, how should I put it, non-exciting. A dud, frankly. I don’t really mean that. I’m sure her friends like her very much .
Douglas: He didn’t say anything about her .
Lily: I myself thought that she either had an incredibly subtle deadpan sense of humor and was laughing at us all night, or was very slow. It’s sometimes so hard to tell .
V : Well, she helped clear the table .
Adam: Adam: Adam: ADAM:
Vocabulary:
CONFIDANTE EPIPHANY UNREQUITED ELEPHANTINE EUPHEMISMS
Study Questions:
Did you understand the difference between authority and authoritarianism? Answer honestly.
V—, in reality, has more than one letter in her name. Why do you think Flannery calls her V—in her journal? (Hint: V—’s family is extremely wealthy and could influence publishers to keep any of their relatives out of a book that could damage the family’s reputation.)
The stories of great operas contain thwarted love, jealous anger and violent murder and are called great art. Yet others who demonstrate these things have been punished. Isn’t this hypocritical? Discuss.
You have undoubtedly seen photographs of Flannery Culp in newspapers and magazines. Is she fat? Be honest.
Monday September 13
Sophomore year, Miss Mills, an English teacher rumored to be an ex-nun, taught us all about pathetic fallacy: If a
character in literature is feeling a particular emotion acutely, the inanimate surroundings–you know, weather, landscape, stuff like that–tend to accentuate that mood. Thus armed to work as a literary editor, I checked the weather when I stepped outside for the bus, knowing it would tell me how Friday’s Calc test would turn out. The skies were gray, but it wasn’t raining–I figured maybe C or C+. I began to trudge up the hill, only to speed my pace up to a bleary shuffle; Adam’s tall thin shape was half a block ahead of me. I tried not to run so I wouldn’t be too obvious: “Adam? (pant, pant) I didn’t see you…”
“Adam?” I called out, ten paces behind him. Adam turned around and looked at me quizzically. It wasn’t Adam; it was Frank Whitelaw. At that very moment the clouds broke.
Frank Whitelaw took a full three seconds to look up at the sky and then back at me. If it were anyone else it would be a master- piece of deadpan timing; with Frank Whitelaw you knew that three seconds was top neural synapse speed. (I’m not sure if that biological term is correct
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