Read Online The Barrytown Trilogy by Roddy Doyle - Free Book Online Page A

Paul.
    —An’ Hopalong, said Natalie.
    —He’s stickin’ it into your woman from the shop, Colette, did yis know tha’?
    —He is NOT, said Bernie.
    —He fuckin’ is.
    —Good Jesus, that’s disgustin’.
    —No wonder he limps, wha’.
    —Our first gig, said Dean. ———Our first gig.
    —Who did yeh have to talk to abou’ the hall, Jimmy? James asked.
    —Father Molloy.
    —Oh fuck! Father Paddy, said Outspan. —The singin’ priest, he explained to the lads who weren’t from Barrytown.
    Derek began to sing.
    —MOR —
NIN’ HAS —
   BROKE —
      EN —
    LIKE THE FIRST MOR —
HOR — HOR — NIN’ —
    BLACK BIRD ON —
TREE TOP —
    HAS HAD ITS FIRST CRAP —
    —The folk mass, Outspan explained to the lads. —Fuckin’ desperate.
    —Oh yeah, said Billy. —Is tha’ the one you got flung ou’ of?
    —That’s it, said James.
    —Did he brown yeh, Jimmy? Outspan asked.
    —No. He just ran his fingers through me curly fellas.
    —Aah!! Stop tha’! said Natalie.
    —How much is it goin’ to cost? Deco asked.
    —Nothin’.
    —That’s super.
    —How come?
    —I told him it was part o’ the Anti-Heroin Campaign.
    —Yeh fuckin’ chancer, yeh.
    They all stood back and admired Jimmy.
    —Well, it is, said Jimmy. —We’ll have our Heroin Kills banner. Me little brother, Darren ——he’s an awful little prick——he’s goin’ to do it in school. An art project, like. An’ a few posters for the walls an’ things.
    —Good man, Jimmy.
    —There’s one thing but, said Jimmy. —I told Father Molloy we’d do a folk mass for him.
    —No way!
    —Only messin’. ———Northside News are sendin’ someone ou’ to see us. An’ a photographer.
    —How come?
    —I told them abou’ it. Phoned them up.
    —Jaysis, fair play to yeh.
    —I’ll be scarleh, said Bernie.
    —I haven’t saved enough for me suit, said Derek.
    —We can hire them for this one, said Jimmy. —We’ll get the bread back on the door.
    —Bread! said Billy. —Yeh fuckin’ hippy.
    —Fuck up.
    —Well, Brothers and Sisters, said Joey The Lips. —Let’s hear it for our manager, Brother J. Rabbitte, and let’s hear it for Brother Hopalong’s kidneys too.
    The Commitments clapped.
    —Brother Hopalong’s kidneys are soul.
    * * *
    The Commitments rehearsed every night of the last week. They began to shout and throw the head when someone made a mistake and they had to start all over again. But Joey The Lips kept them short of panic stations. He said Stay Cool a lot during the week.
    —Stay cool, my man, said Joey The Lips.
    Deco had just roared at Billy who had just knocked over the snare drum.
    —He’s a fuckin’ eejit, Joey, Deco shouted.
    —Joey, said Billy. —I said it before, it’s one o’ the risks yis have to take. It’s part o’ me style. These sort o’ accidents are likely to happen. I told yis tha’.
    He now addressed Deco.
    —An’ here, you, George Michael. If yeh ever call me a fuckin’ eejit again you’ll go home with a drumstick up your hole. The one yeh don’t sing ou’ of.
    He started to pick up the drum.
    —The one yeh talk ou’ of.
    —That’ll be the day, pal.
    —It’s comin’. I’m tellin’ yeh.
    —Maybe.
    —Yeh’d want to have your vaseline with yeh the next time.
    ——Can we continue now, can we, please?
    He began to play.
    —THU — CUDADUNG CUDADUNG CUDADUNG
THU — CUDADUNG CUDADUNG CUDADUNG
    The horns: —DUUH — DU DUHH —
DUUH DU DUHH —
   DEH —
      DU DU DUUH —
    Outspan and Derek followed that.
    —DONG CADDA DONG CADDA DONG CADDA DONG —
    The horns: DUUH — DU DUHH —
DUUH DU DUHH —
   DEH —
      DU DU DUUH —
    —OOH WHEN YEH FEE — IL LIKE YEH CAN’T
GO —
OH ON —
    The Commitmentettes: — CAN’T GO OHON—
    —JUST COS ALL O’ YOUR HOPE IS —
GOHON
    —Ah fuck! Wha’ now?
    —Me string’s gone again, said Outspan.
    —Fuck you an’ your string.
    —Stay cool, said Joey The Lips.
    * * *
    There was a