Read Online The Bad Decisions Playlist by Michael Rubens - Free Book Online

find out how little I care / and it might scare you
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    â€œI’m gonna cut your balls off,” says Todd.
    Todd snaps shut the massive hedge shears to add some color to his threat. I believe him.
    â€œTodd, I’m just trying to mow the frigging lawn.”
    Todd and I and the hedge shears are at the far border of a big hilly lawn, beyond a rise that hides the buildings of the office park and hides us from Kent. My walk-behind mower is sitting patiently on the grass near me, the engine running, the mower unaware that Todd intends to do some topiary work on my nether regions.
    â€œWhat’s wrong, Methune? You afraid?” says Brad, standing behind Todd. “You look like you’re sweating.”
    â€œUh, Todd here is threatening to cut my balls off with hedge shears,” I say. “So, yeah, I’m a little nervous.”
    Brad sniggers. This is definitely his kind of scene.
    What happened is this: It was getting near lunch. I was minding my business, head down, mowing mowing mowing along the pedestrian pathway by the parking lot, thinking about how I was going to use my day off tomorrow to find Shane Tyler. I look up, and who’s there? Alison, standing right in front of me, smiling and waving at me. I can’t hear her over the noise, but I can see her lips forming my name​—​“Austin! Austin!”
    There’s her car, parked by the pathway. She’s holding a brown paper bag. Todd’s lunch.
She brought Todd his lunch,
like she’s his mom. I stopped the forward motion of the mower and walked around it to go greet her.
    â€œHi!” she said, or shouted, speaking over the racket from the engine.
    â€œHi,” I said, or shouted.
    â€œHow
are
you!” she says, all bright and cheery, and gives me a great big hug. And holds on. Right as Todd comes into my field of view. Looking not at all bright and cheery.
    There was a brief flash when I thought of going out in a blaze of glory, of pulling Alison into a ballroom dip and kissing her on the mouth. Instead I decided to keep living, and separated myself from her as quickly as possible.
    â€œI’mfinegoodtoseeyouIgottakeepgoing!” I said, and turned and quick-stepped it back to the mower, wrestled it in the other direction, and made my getaway at three miles an hour, not even glancing back.
    Cut to about a minute ago. I’m mowing near the edge of the trees, and suddenly,
boom
, I’m shoved down on the grass, and when I scramble to my feet
SNAP SNAP SNAP
Todd starts chasing me around with a giant set of scissors.
    Now he’s advancing toward me, shears at the ready.
    â€œTodd,” I say, “why don’t you put those down, and we can settle this like real men?”
    â€œOkay,” he says. He drops the shears.
    â€œActually,” I say, “can I borrow those?”
    Brad sniggers again.
    â€œI don’t like you, Methune,” says Todd.
    â€œReally? Things seem to be going so well between us.”
    â€œWhy are you here?”
    â€œWhy am I . . . ? I love the land. I love the smell of grass and gasoline. What do you mean, why am I here? I need a job, Todd. And you know what? It’s actually your fault that I’m here, so, yeah, there’s a little poetic justice for you.”
    Confused rottweiler expression from him.
    â€œI want you off this crew,” he says.
    â€œOff the crew? Listen, Top Gun, it’s a lawn-care service, not a team of fighter pilots. Other than our stupid team meeting, we don’t even have to talk or deal with each other ever.”
    The Kent meeting, which of course ends in one of those hands-in-the-middle pregame-style “GO TEAM!” things.
    â€œYou know what, Methune? Just seeing you makes me sick. So you’re gonna quit.”
    â€œNo, I’m not. I’m not gonna quit. You can beat me up if you want to.”
    â€œOkay.”
    â€œNo! I’m just saying that! You can’t