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Authors: Ezra Bayda
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pleasure or diversions again and again. Thus, we remain on the treadmill of personal happiness/unhappiness. When we donât feel so good, we find a fix, and feel temporarily happy. As the cycle goes on and on, the genuine happiness of living authentically eludes us.
Wherever we find ourselves stuck, whether itâs in our entitlements, if-onlies, emotions, or addictive behaviorsâif we aspire to live authentically, we have to look honestly at how weâre avoiding reality, how we let our life slip by while ignoring the things we know we will eventually have to face. Living authentically requires that we be present with our life exactly as it is. We can ask ourselves the question, âWhat is this?â and use this question to focus like a laser on our present-moment experience. This is the only place we can practice: in exactly what we are experiencing right now. The courage to be honest with ourselves and to not turn away is well worth the effort. Resting in the physical experience of the present moment, including the places where weâre most stuck, the apparent solidity of those stuck places gradually becomes more and more porous.
T HE G ENEROSITY OF THE H EART
Along with the continuing effort to be present, working with what gets in the way of genuine happiness eventually uncoversone of its major roots: living mainly to get something for ourselves. The alternative is to give from the natural generosity of the heart. When we truly offer ourselves to someone in needâwhether they are hurting or deprived in some wayâwe experience the gratitude of living from the awakened heart, and we feel the fulfillment of acting from a sense of our basic connectedness.
Paradoxically, even though we know we are happier when we do these things, research shows that when weâre given the choice between doing something self-serving and doing something altruistic, more often than not we will choose the self-centered alternative. Sadly, as this research shows, we often donât do what makes us genuinely happy. We may have to be repeatedly disappointed by living a self-centered life before our desire for the happiness of others is awakened. But once it is awakened, living from this natural generosity allows us to move from our small mind of separateness to cultivating this essential root of true contentment.
There are many different ways to give. We can volunteer or give through social action, and we can certainly learn to give in small ways throughout the day. For example, giving can be as simple as letting someone get in front of you in line or doing the dishes because you see that your partner or roommate is tired. Or perhaps it might involve really listening to a friend who is hurting and in need of connection. In short, one of the real keys to living most genuinely is to give oneself to others, without personal agendas. When weâre truly generous, we give to others without ulterior motives or a sense of self-importance. In other words, weâre not drawing attention to ourselves, and our giving isnât just another way of propping up our self-image or a way of trying to get appreciation. Nor are we motivated by the idea that we should be more giving.
If we reflect on what it means to give from the natural generosity of the heart, at some point it becomes clear that giving may first mean giving up: giving up our strong identification with being only our small, separate self. This is the self of judgments and fears, the self that holds back from the natural inclination to give, either through laziness or a sense of entitlement or self-doubt. As our identification with our small self recedes and we become increasingly present, we gradually discover who we truly areâour natural being of connectedness and love.
We can then understand that the purpose of human life is not to be happy, although we certainly all want that. The purpose of human life is to awaken to our true self. The more we are
Wherever we find ourselves stuck, whether itâs in our entitlements, if-onlies, emotions, or addictive behaviorsâif we aspire to live authentically, we have to look honestly at how weâre avoiding reality, how we let our life slip by while ignoring the things we know we will eventually have to face. Living authentically requires that we be present with our life exactly as it is. We can ask ourselves the question, âWhat is this?â and use this question to focus like a laser on our present-moment experience. This is the only place we can practice: in exactly what we are experiencing right now. The courage to be honest with ourselves and to not turn away is well worth the effort. Resting in the physical experience of the present moment, including the places where weâre most stuck, the apparent solidity of those stuck places gradually becomes more and more porous.
T HE G ENEROSITY OF THE H EART
Along with the continuing effort to be present, working with what gets in the way of genuine happiness eventually uncoversone of its major roots: living mainly to get something for ourselves. The alternative is to give from the natural generosity of the heart. When we truly offer ourselves to someone in needâwhether they are hurting or deprived in some wayâwe experience the gratitude of living from the awakened heart, and we feel the fulfillment of acting from a sense of our basic connectedness.
Paradoxically, even though we know we are happier when we do these things, research shows that when weâre given the choice between doing something self-serving and doing something altruistic, more often than not we will choose the self-centered alternative. Sadly, as this research shows, we often donât do what makes us genuinely happy. We may have to be repeatedly disappointed by living a self-centered life before our desire for the happiness of others is awakened. But once it is awakened, living from this natural generosity allows us to move from our small mind of separateness to cultivating this essential root of true contentment.
There are many different ways to give. We can volunteer or give through social action, and we can certainly learn to give in small ways throughout the day. For example, giving can be as simple as letting someone get in front of you in line or doing the dishes because you see that your partner or roommate is tired. Or perhaps it might involve really listening to a friend who is hurting and in need of connection. In short, one of the real keys to living most genuinely is to give oneself to others, without personal agendas. When weâre truly generous, we give to others without ulterior motives or a sense of self-importance. In other words, weâre not drawing attention to ourselves, and our giving isnât just another way of propping up our self-image or a way of trying to get appreciation. Nor are we motivated by the idea that we should be more giving.
If we reflect on what it means to give from the natural generosity of the heart, at some point it becomes clear that giving may first mean giving up: giving up our strong identification with being only our small, separate self. This is the self of judgments and fears, the self that holds back from the natural inclination to give, either through laziness or a sense of entitlement or self-doubt. As our identification with our small self recedes and we become increasingly present, we gradually discover who we truly areâour natural being of connectedness and love.
We can then understand that the purpose of human life is not to be happy, although we certainly all want that. The purpose of human life is to awaken to our true self. The more we are
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