Read Online The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Francine Rivers
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worse.”
Raising her gaze, she watched the turmoil in his face. She was afraid of what she saw, afraid of what this might mean to their relationship. Only a few days before, she thought they had reached a place of repose, accepting what had happened and moving on together. Now, she saw that wasn’t so. Nothing was settled. Nothing was certain. “What are we going to do?”
Ethan looked away, a muscle working in his cheek, his eyes narrowed with anger. After a moment, he looked back at her, his expression grim. “What you have to do, I guess.”
“Have the baby?”
“No!” His voice was low, his eyes blazing. “The doctor told you what you have to do.”
“He was talking about abortion.”
He leaned closer, looking around the restaurant to make sure they weren’t overheard. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“But it’s wrong, Ethan. We’ve talked about it. We’ve agreed abortion is wrong.”
“Of course it’s wrong—when girls are using it for birth control or women are doing it because having a baby is an inconvenience or a financial burden or a guy doesn’t want to take responsibility. But under these circumstances? How can it be wrong? Is it your fault you’re pregnant? Am I supposed to be a father to something so despicable?”
She trembled inside. She couldn’t bear to look into Ethan’s eyes and see the revulsion. Had it occurred to him that what she carried was part of her, too?
“Besides,” he said, his voice less harsh, more in control, “do you think that doctor would have suggested anything he didn’t believe was absolutely necessary?”
“Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right.”
“It doesn’t mean it’s wrong, either. What about your mental health? You were raped!”
“And an abortion will make me feel better?” she said, fighting back the tears. Did he know what he was saying? Hadn’t he been the one to write papers about the procedures employed? Hadn’t he read it all to her, his voice ringing with righteous zeal?
“It would put a finish to what happened. It wasn’t God’s desire that you get pregnant.”
“How do I know what God wanted? Haven’t you been saying God has His hand in everything? That this is all part of His plan for me?” she asked in despair.
“You can’t believe that, Dynah. Do you really think this is His best for us? God wouldn’t do this.”
“I didn’t say He did it. He just didn’t stop it from happening.”
Ethan gripped her hands. “We’ve done everything right, Dynah. We’ve kept our relationship pure. We’re serving Him. This . . . this act upon you was an abomination. It was Satan trying to disrupt my plans for our future.”
“But now there’s a—”
“No.” His hands tightened painfully around hers. “Don’t even say it. Don’t think it. You’ve got to listen to me, Dynah. There’s no way God would expect you to go on with this. No way!” He leaned back, taking his hands from her, his face stony. “No way, Dynah. I don’t believe that God expects it of us. I won’t.”
“I can’t go back there, Ethan. I just can’t.” She covered her face, shaking. “You don’t understand.” The physical examination she had suffered the night of the rape had been traumatic enough. She didn’t think she could stand to go through something worse. She knew what they would do to her body.
“I’ll go with you. It’ll be all right. I swear to you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
She looked at him, wondering how he could say such a thing in the face of what he was suggesting.
“It won’t take long, and then it’ll all be over. We’ll put it behind us.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. He was in such a hurry to have it over and done with. Would it ever be over? “I’m not ready to do it.”
“What do you mean, you’re not ready?”
“I have to think about it.”
“Think about what ? You’re not telling me you want it?”
Her breath caught softly at his
Raising her gaze, she watched the turmoil in his face. She was afraid of what she saw, afraid of what this might mean to their relationship. Only a few days before, she thought they had reached a place of repose, accepting what had happened and moving on together. Now, she saw that wasn’t so. Nothing was settled. Nothing was certain. “What are we going to do?”
Ethan looked away, a muscle working in his cheek, his eyes narrowed with anger. After a moment, he looked back at her, his expression grim. “What you have to do, I guess.”
“Have the baby?”
“No!” His voice was low, his eyes blazing. “The doctor told you what you have to do.”
“He was talking about abortion.”
He leaned closer, looking around the restaurant to make sure they weren’t overheard. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“But it’s wrong, Ethan. We’ve talked about it. We’ve agreed abortion is wrong.”
“Of course it’s wrong—when girls are using it for birth control or women are doing it because having a baby is an inconvenience or a financial burden or a guy doesn’t want to take responsibility. But under these circumstances? How can it be wrong? Is it your fault you’re pregnant? Am I supposed to be a father to something so despicable?”
She trembled inside. She couldn’t bear to look into Ethan’s eyes and see the revulsion. Had it occurred to him that what she carried was part of her, too?
“Besides,” he said, his voice less harsh, more in control, “do you think that doctor would have suggested anything he didn’t believe was absolutely necessary?”
“Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right.”
“It doesn’t mean it’s wrong, either. What about your mental health? You were raped!”
“And an abortion will make me feel better?” she said, fighting back the tears. Did he know what he was saying? Hadn’t he been the one to write papers about the procedures employed? Hadn’t he read it all to her, his voice ringing with righteous zeal?
“It would put a finish to what happened. It wasn’t God’s desire that you get pregnant.”
“How do I know what God wanted? Haven’t you been saying God has His hand in everything? That this is all part of His plan for me?” she asked in despair.
“You can’t believe that, Dynah. Do you really think this is His best for us? God wouldn’t do this.”
“I didn’t say He did it. He just didn’t stop it from happening.”
Ethan gripped her hands. “We’ve done everything right, Dynah. We’ve kept our relationship pure. We’re serving Him. This . . . this act upon you was an abomination. It was Satan trying to disrupt my plans for our future.”
“But now there’s a—”
“No.” His hands tightened painfully around hers. “Don’t even say it. Don’t think it. You’ve got to listen to me, Dynah. There’s no way God would expect you to go on with this. No way!” He leaned back, taking his hands from her, his face stony. “No way, Dynah. I don’t believe that God expects it of us. I won’t.”
“I can’t go back there, Ethan. I just can’t.” She covered her face, shaking. “You don’t understand.” The physical examination she had suffered the night of the rape had been traumatic enough. She didn’t think she could stand to go through something worse. She knew what they would do to her body.
“I’ll go with you. It’ll be all right. I swear to you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
She looked at him, wondering how he could say such a thing in the face of what he was suggesting.
“It won’t take long, and then it’ll all be over. We’ll put it behind us.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. He was in such a hurry to have it over and done with. Would it ever be over? “I’m not ready to do it.”
“What do you mean, you’re not ready?”
“I have to think about it.”
“Think about what ? You’re not telling me you want it?”
Her breath caught softly at his
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