debauchery, the insubordination and the gambling. This was its natural end. This grossness. He had observed his own fall, from that moment in General Tolonen’s office to this... this finality. There was no more. Nothing for him but to take the knife and end himself.
He stared at the knife. Stared long and hard at it. Saw how the blood was crusted on its shaft and handle, remembering the feel of it in his hand. His knife.
Slowly he went across, then knelt down, next to it, his hands placed either side of it. End it now, he told himself. Cleanly, quickly, and with more dignity than you’ve shown in all these last ten years.
He picked the knife up, taking its handle in both hands, then turned the blade towards his stomach. His hands shook and, for the briefest moment, he wondered if he had the courage left to carry the thing through. Then, determined, he closed his eyes.
‘Lieutenant Haavikko, I’ve come...’
Haavikko turned abruptly, dropping the knife. The pimp, Liu Chang, had come three paces into the room and stopped, taking in the scene.
‘Gods!’ the Han said, his face a mask of horror. He glanced at Haavikko fearfully, backing away, then turned and rushed from the room.
Haavikko shuddered, then turned back, facing the knife. He could not stand up. All the strength had gone from his legs. Neither could he reach out and take the knife again. His courage was spent. Nothing remained now but his shame. He let his head fall forward, tears coming to his eyes.
‘Forgive me, Vesa, I didn’t mean...’
Vesa. It was his beloved sister’s name. But the dead girl had no name. Not one he knew, anyway.
He heard the door swing open again and footsteps in the room, but he did not lift his head. Let them kill me now , he thought. Let them take their revenge on me. It would be no less than I deserve .
He waited, resigned, but nothing happened. He heard them lift the girl and carry her away, then sensed someone standing over him.
Haavikko raised his head slowly and looked up. It was Liu Chang.
‘You disgust me.’ He spat the words out venomously, his eyes boring into Haavikko. ‘She was a good girl. A lovely girl. Like a daughter to me.’
‘I’m sorry...’ Haavikko began, his throat constricting. He dropped his head, beginning to sob. ‘Do what you will to me. I’m finished now. I haven’t even the money to pay you for last night.’
The pimp laughed, his disgust marked. ‘I realize that, soldier boy. But, then, you’ve not paid your weight since you started coming here.’
Haavikko looked up, surprised.
‘No. It’s a good job you’ve friends, neh? Good friends who’ll bail you out when trouble comes. That’s what disgusts me most about your sort. You never pay. It’s all settled for you, isn’t it?’
‘I don’t know what you mean. I...’
But Liu Chang’s angry bark of laughter silenced him. ‘This. It’s all paid for. Don’t you understand that? Your friends have settled everything for you.’
Haavikko’s voice was a bemused whisper. ‘Everything... ?’
‘ Everything. ’ Liu Chang studied him a moment, his look of disgust unwavering, then leaned forward and spat in Haavikko’s face.
Haavikko knelt there long after Liu Chang had gone, the spittle on his cheek a badge of shame that seemed to burn right through to the bone. It was less than he deserved. But he was thinking about what Liu Chang had said. Friends... What friends? He had no friends, only partners in his debauchery, and they would have settled nothing for him.
He dressed and went outside, looking for Liu Chang.
‘Liu Chang. Where is he?’
The girl at the reception desk stared at him a moment, as if he were something foul and unclean that had crawled up out of the Net, then handed him an envelope.
Haavikko turned his back on the girl, then opened the envelope and took out the single sheet of paper. It was from Liu Chang.
Lieutenant Haavikko,
Words cannot express the disgust I feel. If I had my way you would be
He stared at the knife. Stared long and hard at it. Saw how the blood was crusted on its shaft and handle, remembering the feel of it in his hand. His knife.
Slowly he went across, then knelt down, next to it, his hands placed either side of it. End it now, he told himself. Cleanly, quickly, and with more dignity than you’ve shown in all these last ten years.
He picked the knife up, taking its handle in both hands, then turned the blade towards his stomach. His hands shook and, for the briefest moment, he wondered if he had the courage left to carry the thing through. Then, determined, he closed his eyes.
‘Lieutenant Haavikko, I’ve come...’
Haavikko turned abruptly, dropping the knife. The pimp, Liu Chang, had come three paces into the room and stopped, taking in the scene.
‘Gods!’ the Han said, his face a mask of horror. He glanced at Haavikko fearfully, backing away, then turned and rushed from the room.
Haavikko shuddered, then turned back, facing the knife. He could not stand up. All the strength had gone from his legs. Neither could he reach out and take the knife again. His courage was spent. Nothing remained now but his shame. He let his head fall forward, tears coming to his eyes.
‘Forgive me, Vesa, I didn’t mean...’
Vesa. It was his beloved sister’s name. But the dead girl had no name. Not one he knew, anyway.
He heard the door swing open again and footsteps in the room, but he did not lift his head. Let them kill me now , he thought. Let them take their revenge on me. It would be no less than I deserve .
He waited, resigned, but nothing happened. He heard them lift the girl and carry her away, then sensed someone standing over him.
Haavikko raised his head slowly and looked up. It was Liu Chang.
‘You disgust me.’ He spat the words out venomously, his eyes boring into Haavikko. ‘She was a good girl. A lovely girl. Like a daughter to me.’
‘I’m sorry...’ Haavikko began, his throat constricting. He dropped his head, beginning to sob. ‘Do what you will to me. I’m finished now. I haven’t even the money to pay you for last night.’
The pimp laughed, his disgust marked. ‘I realize that, soldier boy. But, then, you’ve not paid your weight since you started coming here.’
Haavikko looked up, surprised.
‘No. It’s a good job you’ve friends, neh? Good friends who’ll bail you out when trouble comes. That’s what disgusts me most about your sort. You never pay. It’s all settled for you, isn’t it?’
‘I don’t know what you mean. I...’
But Liu Chang’s angry bark of laughter silenced him. ‘This. It’s all paid for. Don’t you understand that? Your friends have settled everything for you.’
Haavikko’s voice was a bemused whisper. ‘Everything... ?’
‘ Everything. ’ Liu Chang studied him a moment, his look of disgust unwavering, then leaned forward and spat in Haavikko’s face.
Haavikko knelt there long after Liu Chang had gone, the spittle on his cheek a badge of shame that seemed to burn right through to the bone. It was less than he deserved. But he was thinking about what Liu Chang had said. Friends... What friends? He had no friends, only partners in his debauchery, and they would have settled nothing for him.
He dressed and went outside, looking for Liu Chang.
‘Liu Chang. Where is he?’
The girl at the reception desk stared at him a moment, as if he were something foul and unclean that had crawled up out of the Net, then handed him an envelope.
Haavikko turned his back on the girl, then opened the envelope and took out the single sheet of paper. It was from Liu Chang.
Lieutenant Haavikko,
Words cannot express the disgust I feel. If I had my way you would be
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