donât know,â I said, even though I did. Bennett and my father had the sport in common. They could have talked boats for hours. For all I knew, they still did. âHeâs into the polo scene.â
âRich.â
âFilthy. Youâll want to talk to him,â I said, dreading the thought.
He nodded. âIâll want to talk to anyone who was at Players that night, down to busboys and valets.â
I should have told him about Bennett and the rape/assault charges back when. I should have told him I had testified at the trial.
I should have told him that I had loved Bennett Walker once. That I had loved him enough to say yes when he asked me to marry him. But I told Landry none of those things. He would find out soon enough.
Tearing all those memories out of the emotional and psychological scar tissue was going to be a terrible experience. I wanted to stall the inevitable as long as I could. I felt like Harrison Ford in the opening scene of
Raiders of the Lost Ark
when the gigantic stone is rolling after him as he tries to escape the secret temple. The huge ball that was my past and my pain was rolling toward me, and there was nothing I could do to escape it.
Landry reached over and stroked his hand over the back of my head tenderly. âElena,â he said softly. âIâm sorry about this morning. About Irina. About the way I treated you when we first got to the scene. Iâm not the most tactful guy when Iâm angry.â
âYou were cruel,â I said, looking straight at him. He looked away.
âI know. I wish I hadnât said what I did about you quitting. I didnât mean it.â
âThen why did you say it?â
He thought about his answer for a moment, weighing the truth versus something less.
âBecause I wanted you to hurtâ¦the way I hurt.â
I shouldnât have wanted him to touch me, but I did. If I could have gone back in time to Sunday night, knowing what was going to happen that Monday, I probably wouldnât have broken up with him. I probably would have put it off, just to give myself the luxury of turning to him. He probably expected that I still would turn to him.
I could have leaned forward and kissed him. He had moved that close. And then he would have wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. And we would have gone into my guest cottage, and we would have ended up in bedâbecause we always ended up in bed. And we would exhaust each other, and maybe I would be able to sleep and not dream.
Headlights turned in at the gate just then. Sean, back from his day at the beach.
âThatâs Sean?â Landry asked. âYou want me to tell him?â
I shook my head as I stood up. âIâll do it.â
âIâll need to talk to him.â
âCan it wait until tomorrow?â I asked.
He looked at his watch. âIt can wait until later. I need to grab something to eat. Iâll go and come back.â
âThank you.â
He wanted to say something more but thought better of it. I walked away before he could change his mind.
The best thing to do in a weak moment: walk away.
I didnât look back.
chapter 10
         LANDRY WATCHED her walk away. He followed at a distance, until he was standing in the open doorway of the stable. Sean Avadon had pulled his black Mercedes in among the official vehicles. He got out, looking puzzled. Elena went up to him. They talked. Landry recognized the expressions, the body language. The confusion, the shock, the denial, the crushing weight of the emotion that came with realization of the terrible truth.
Sean put his arms around Elena and hugged her, and Landry felt a sharp cut of jealousy slice through him. Even knowing that Sean Avadon was gay didnât lessen it. It didnât matter that the embrace was not romantic or sexual. He envied Avadon for being allowed to touch her.
He turned away and went back upstairs to
Noire
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