Read Online Temporary Monsters by Craig Shaw Gardner - Free Book Online Page A

Karnowski demanded.
    The ghost sighed. “We all have our theories. All 148 of us. But who can even think straight with all that moaning and wailing all the time?. You think I don’t want to know the why of all this?”
    Lenore stepped up next to Karnowski. “Perhaps we might take a different approach. Do you remember what you were called in life?”
    â€œNow everybody’s asking me questions?” The spirit’s dark smudges stared at the ghost finder. “Can’t I just haunt one or two of you? Just for a minute? A little shrieking, some energetic chain rattling? You might even enjoy it!” The ghost glanced back at the door. “You do realize we take turns floating up from the pit. Do you know how long you have to wait to get past 147 others?”
    Karnowski seemed unfazed by the spirit’s pleas. “Answer the young woman’s question. What was your name in life?”
    â€œOh, that’s”—the ghost paused, lost for an instant in spectral concentration—“not easy at all. Jeannie, somebody was called Jeannie. That could have been me. Or possibly Ernesto. Gustav was a name that was bandied about quite a bit. And then there was Lugnut . . .”
    The Baron stepped forward to join the others. “We are wasting our time here. The spirit knows nothing.”
    â€œI probably know quite a lot, if only I could remember it,” the ghost retorted. “All that shrieking and wailing down there can do a number on your concentration. But do I complain?”
    â€œEnough with this dead end!” The vampire puffed up his tuxedoed chest. “It is time, at last, to demonstrate my powers!”
    Both Karnowksi and Lenore frowned.
    â€œAre you sure?” the ghost finder asked.
    â€œLook at the time!” Lenore glanced impatiently at her wrist, even though she wasn’t wearing a watch.
    â€œThis will take but a moment.” The Baron’s triumphant smile showed the tips of his fangs. “You are not the only one with resources. These dark places are full of creatures of the night. Come to me, my darlings!”
    Lenny jumped. The hall carpet was moving. No, not the rug, but hundreds of creatures on the rug, creatures with brown fur and gray fur, even the occasional white fur.
    â€œRats?” the ghost cried. “How can I compete with rats?”
    â€œMy creatures!” the Baron called. The rodents chittered in reply, as they circled around the party, weaving back and forth so that they narrowly avoided overrunning Lenny’s shoes.
    â€œNow we will get the truth!” the vampire cried in triumph. “Tell me, my creatures! What is out goal?”
    And the rats answered in a choral singsong:
    Nice to see you honored master.
    This place you’re in’s one big disaster!
    You’ll have to outdo the legions of Foo
    If you want to get out there and ask her.
    The chant was high pitched, but perfectly understandable. Not only were the rats talking in unison, but also in some sort of verse. Lenny noticed something strangely familiar about that rhyme scheme.
    â€œThen we know it’s Foo,” Karnowski said.
    â€œAnd Foo knows we’re here!” Lenore said with equal conviction.
    Lenny didn’t feel quite so enthusiastic. “Who’s Foo? And what about the rest of it? ‘If you want to ask her’? Who’s her?”
    The Baron shrugged. “Talking with my creatures is not an exact science.”
    â€œHello! Lonely, wandering spirit still in the hallway!” the ghost interjected. “Who wants to listen to rats when you can talk about me?”
    â€œIf you had something useful to say . . .” Karnowski left the rest of the thought unsaid.
    â€œHey! You spend weeks wailing and months moaning, see if it doesn’t dampen your conversation.”
    Lenny had had enough of this. As unpleasant as the rats might be, at least they could provide some clues as to