Read Online Taking It All: A Hellfire Riders MC Romance (The Motorcycle Clubs Book 6) by Kati Wilde - Free Book Online
Authors: Kati Wilde
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something from you, you just fuck it out of me.”
“Then what are you hiding now, princess?” His free hand slides up my thigh. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”
My throat tightens. Suddenly I don’t feel so hot and sexy. Saxon frowns and rolls onto his side, carrying me over. His big hands cradle my face.
“Jenny?”
“I’m not hiding it.” My voice has thickened. “I’m just trying not to think about it.”
“Your dad?”
My breath shuddering, I nod and he tucks my head against his shoulder. “He’s been seeing his lawyer all week,” I tell him. “And yesterday afternoon he came in with a stack of papers for me to sign. Putting the property in my name, adding me to the bank accounts, making all the arrangements for…after.”
“Because he doesn’t want you to have to deal with that shit when you’re grieving.”
“I know.” Though if it hurts this much now, I don’t know how I’ll get through it anyway. “There wasn’t a living will—you know, for when he’s so sick that he can’t…” I can’t finish. Shaking my head, I say, “All those papers, and no living will. You’d think it would be the first thing the lawyer would give him.”
“Yeah.” The response sounds full of grit. “It was the first thing we got for my mom.”
Because Saxon has gone through the same. He never mentions it, but it’s a small city, so I remember hearing when she passed six or seven years ago. Breast cancer, I think.
I come up on my elbow. He’s wearing that stoic expression again. This time I can’t read past it but I probably don’t need to. I lost my mom, too. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know her well.” By sight, and mostly I just remember her crying in the courtroom after he received his guilty verdict—a tall, dark-haired woman with soft eyes and a quiet way of moving. “She seemed very sweet.”
That makes the corners of his mouth kick up. “Nah, she wasn’t. She was a tough old broad.”
“Really?”
“My dad ran off when I was three, so it was just her and me. She cleaned rooms up at the Pine Valley Lodge until her back got messed up, but even after she couldn’t work full-time there was always food on the table, always a roof over our heads. She always pulled through.” His smile fades. “Until she didn’t anymore.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head and focuses in on my face again. “You’re thinking there’s a reason Red didn’t make out a living will.”
“Yes.” My lips press together and a long second passes before I can continue. “I don’t think he’s going to wait until the cancer takes him. I think he’s just going to take a ride and he won’t come back from it.”
His thumb brushes my trembling lips in a soft caress. “I would, too. I’d fight it. But when there’s nothing left to fight? I’d get everything settled and hold out until waiting any longer means that I couldn’t steer my bike. Then I’d take that ride, too.”
Tears spill over when I nod. “I know. And my head gets it. But here?” I thump my knuckles over my heart. “It’s not so easy. And last night I was just thinking: He’s all alone out there. And what if he goes tonight? Or what if he’s sick and needs help and I’m not home? He’s not at that point yet, but I just…I…I feel so guilty.”
Saxon catches my face and rolls me onto my back, looking down at me with his brows drawn. “Because you’re with me instead of at home?”
“Not because I’m with you. Because I’m not there.”
“You want to start spending nights out at the ranch again?”
My breath shudders. What I want doesn’t matter much right now. And I do want to be with my dad. But even that’s not as important as being there for him. “I think I should.”
“Then you should. You and me, we’ve got lots of time. You and your dad don’t. So take as much as you can and I’ll be here when you need me. Or out there, if you need me there. All right?”
God. Thirty seconds ago, I thought I
“Then what are you hiding now, princess?” His free hand slides up my thigh. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”
My throat tightens. Suddenly I don’t feel so hot and sexy. Saxon frowns and rolls onto his side, carrying me over. His big hands cradle my face.
“Jenny?”
“I’m not hiding it.” My voice has thickened. “I’m just trying not to think about it.”
“Your dad?”
My breath shuddering, I nod and he tucks my head against his shoulder. “He’s been seeing his lawyer all week,” I tell him. “And yesterday afternoon he came in with a stack of papers for me to sign. Putting the property in my name, adding me to the bank accounts, making all the arrangements for…after.”
“Because he doesn’t want you to have to deal with that shit when you’re grieving.”
“I know.” Though if it hurts this much now, I don’t know how I’ll get through it anyway. “There wasn’t a living will—you know, for when he’s so sick that he can’t…” I can’t finish. Shaking my head, I say, “All those papers, and no living will. You’d think it would be the first thing the lawyer would give him.”
“Yeah.” The response sounds full of grit. “It was the first thing we got for my mom.”
Because Saxon has gone through the same. He never mentions it, but it’s a small city, so I remember hearing when she passed six or seven years ago. Breast cancer, I think.
I come up on my elbow. He’s wearing that stoic expression again. This time I can’t read past it but I probably don’t need to. I lost my mom, too. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know her well.” By sight, and mostly I just remember her crying in the courtroom after he received his guilty verdict—a tall, dark-haired woman with soft eyes and a quiet way of moving. “She seemed very sweet.”
That makes the corners of his mouth kick up. “Nah, she wasn’t. She was a tough old broad.”
“Really?”
“My dad ran off when I was three, so it was just her and me. She cleaned rooms up at the Pine Valley Lodge until her back got messed up, but even after she couldn’t work full-time there was always food on the table, always a roof over our heads. She always pulled through.” His smile fades. “Until she didn’t anymore.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head and focuses in on my face again. “You’re thinking there’s a reason Red didn’t make out a living will.”
“Yes.” My lips press together and a long second passes before I can continue. “I don’t think he’s going to wait until the cancer takes him. I think he’s just going to take a ride and he won’t come back from it.”
His thumb brushes my trembling lips in a soft caress. “I would, too. I’d fight it. But when there’s nothing left to fight? I’d get everything settled and hold out until waiting any longer means that I couldn’t steer my bike. Then I’d take that ride, too.”
Tears spill over when I nod. “I know. And my head gets it. But here?” I thump my knuckles over my heart. “It’s not so easy. And last night I was just thinking: He’s all alone out there. And what if he goes tonight? Or what if he’s sick and needs help and I’m not home? He’s not at that point yet, but I just…I…I feel so guilty.”
Saxon catches my face and rolls me onto my back, looking down at me with his brows drawn. “Because you’re with me instead of at home?”
“Not because I’m with you. Because I’m not there.”
“You want to start spending nights out at the ranch again?”
My breath shudders. What I want doesn’t matter much right now. And I do want to be with my dad. But even that’s not as important as being there for him. “I think I should.”
“Then you should. You and me, we’ve got lots of time. You and your dad don’t. So take as much as you can and I’ll be here when you need me. Or out there, if you need me there. All right?”
God. Thirty seconds ago, I thought I
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