the
trees become sparse. The green grass turned to red dirt. Maybe he
was taking me out into the desert where he was going to shoot me
and leave me. Bury me where no one would ever find me.
Adrenaline had long since disappeared from my
system. There were only twinges of fear left in me. I'd never felt
more exhausted, drained. If I couldn't see the gun in his holster I
could fall asleep.
Soon, the sun began to set in the desert sky.
Streaks of red and purple snaked across the horizon. He pulled into
the parking lot of a dumpy looking motel. I cringed to think of the
bed bugs waiting in the sheets. Funny, the thoughts that went
through my mind at a time like that. I was kidnapped, he had a gun.
Who gave a fuck about bugs?
He got out of the truck, and disappeared into
the office. He came back with a room key jingling in his hand, and
pulled me out of the truck. He led me to number eight, unlocked the
door, and pulled me inside. My arms prickled as they woke up. He
locked the door, and hooked the chain. I noticed the room had only
one king sized bed. He expected me to sleep with him.
"Sit on the bed," he said, motioning.
I perched on the edge of the bed. He turned
the television on and sat next to me. We watched a fuzzy football
game. His presence turned my stomach into aching knots of tension.
I didn't know what to expect.
"You're quiet," he said, more as a
statement.
"What did you expect? That I would just
freely open my mouth to a guy who kidnapped me?"
"I don't know what I expected. Screaming,
yelling, begging."
"I have a life preserving instinct. Sorry to
disappoint you."
He laughed. Hearty, loud. The sound made me
cringe. "I'm not disappointed. Maybe pleasantly surprised."
"If it's all the same to you I'd rather not
talk."
"You'll talk if I want you to."
"Do you want me to?"
"Look, I didn't kidnap you so I could feel
just as alone as I did before."
"Wait, you kidnapped me so you could have
someone to talk to?"
He shook his head. "I was making a
point."
"What do you want me to talk about?"
"What's your name?"
"Heather."
"I'm Paul."
He held his hand out, and I just stared at
him. He glanced at the hand cuffs.
"Oh, right," he mumbled. He checked his
watch. "What kind of toppings do you like on pizza?"
"Sorry?"
"Pizza. Toppings."
"Get whatever you want."
He picked up the phone on the table next to
the TV. He dialed the number and as he listened to the line ring he
narrowed his eyes at me.
"Are you always this passive?" he asked.
I shook my head, and he spoke into the line
and ordered pizza. What, did he think I was trying to butter him up
so I could escape? The idea never occurred to me, but I wondered if
it would work. Maybe I could seduce him, get away when his guard
was down. As I formulated a plan, he hung up the phone and sat next
to me. The bed sagged under our weight.
"Why did you say you're lonely?" I asked.
He looked at me. His face was smooth, but
almost blank. Like he didn’t understand what I was saying.
"Because I am," he said.
"Why? You're handsome, and you seem charming
enough."
"You don't understand," he said. "I have
trust issues."
"But if you kidnap people you can't trust
them."
"I know. But I figure if I can't have it
either way, I might as well take by force. At least I know you're
not going to be nice to me to get what you want. You're not
trustworthy by default. I don't have to wonder whether you have
ulterior motives."
"That sounds paranoid," I said without
thinking. He winced, and I regretted my statement. Quit going back
on the plan, I told myself.
"Look, why don't you shut your mouth?" he
asked.
"I'm sorry," I apologized. "I'm just trying
to understand why this is happening to me."
"Don't. I just picked you, that's all."
I leaned closer to him. I damned my workout
clothes. They weren't revealing, so I
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