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winding down for her, but that was only because she was drunk or
high, or both most of the time and stopped going out as often. One day while I
was at work, she fell and hit her head. I found her dead when I got home.”
    When
he put his arm around her, Blair couldn’t stop the tears this time. They slid
down her cheeks as she continued.
    “I
couldn’t afford the apartment on my own, but it turned out I didn’t have to
worry about it. The storms had started, and I knew I had to leave. I found the
job advertising for customer service reps, and applied. I moved underground and
stayed in a shelter the first six months I worked for you, until I could afford
the apartment I have now.”
    He
looked grief stricken. “I had no idea you were living in a shelter.”
    “No
one did. I didn’t tell anyone. When I realized all your company actually did,
it sounded really cool, so I began taking classes. Earning my degree took so
long because of course I kept working. I haven’t really dated much since then,
other than Donny, but that’s because I’ve been so afraid. Not of sex, but of my
own demons inside. Does that make sense?”
    “Yes.
Yes, it sure does.”
    “I’ve
been afraid of being hurt again, or of making yet one more huge mistake. I’ve
gone through a lot of shrinks but no longer see one regularly. They all said
the same thing. I’m a victim, but I need to shed that image and visualize a new
persona for myself. Easier said than done.”
    “I
agree.” Oliver pulled her close and wiped the last of her tears. “Blair, I know
how difficult that was to tell me. Thank you.”
    “I
had to.”
    “I
wish I could find the bastard who raped you. I’d kill him.”
    She
looked into his eyes. “You don’t have to. He’s dead. He died of a drug overdose
less than a month after it happened.”
    “Did
you tell her about the rape after he died?”
    “No.
It would have devastated her to know she hadn’t been able to keep me safe after
all.”
    “It’s
not right that a fourteen year old girl had to make such an adult decision.”
    “I
know that now. At the time, I didn’t think about it in those terms. I’d always
taken care of her, and in my mind, that was simply part of what I’d always done
for her. I protected her.”
    “She
should have been protecting you.”
    “I
realize that now.”
    “No
one ever has, have they? No one has protected you. No one has really cared for
you.”
    She
had to blink back fresh tears. “No, I don’t suppose they have. Not even Donny
did. I thought he would, which is probably why I married him, but I was wrong.
Again.”
    “And
the panic attacks are likely all that trying to resurface, Blair. Not that I’m
an expert or anything, but you’ve never really had a chance to deal with all
this.”
    She
took several deep breaths. “I’m not having one now. I don’t even feel like I
might.”
    “Is
that the first time you’ve been able to talk about this and not have one?”
    “Yes.
I usually had them in a shrink’s office, or at least had the beginnings of one.
That’s when they’d each try to teach me visualization techniques, and the
internal monologue I use now.”
    “Did
you feel like you’d have one when you first started telling me?”
    “Yes,
but it went away without my having to do anything. That’s the first time that
happened.” Hope began to build. She desperately wanted to allow it to blossom.
    “What’s
different this time?”
    She
gazed into his beautiful eyes. “You are, Oliver. You’re what’s different.”
    He
pulled her closer still, and she closed her eyes, relaxing against his warm,
hard body. She felt a sense of peace that was foreign, especially considering
all she’d just shared. She was also overwhelmed by his calm, protective
response. She’d pictured disgust and regret. Instead he’d merely listened and
held her. He hadn’t judged or reproached her for the way she’d handled things.
Such an experience was entirely new, and very