love. I didn’t mean to do that. I was victim to some powerful influences from my Mum and Patty Jo’s newfound interest in starting a family. I guess I wanted to make my Mum happy. I love my Mum a lot, we’re so close and I wanted to please her but I can’t. She loves me enough to understand that. I’ll talk to her this weekend. You have to trust me, even though it will be hard for you. I don’t want you suffering while I’m gone and being miserable around your boys. Have fun, and think of me because I’ll be thinking of you.”
“Good-bye my love, be well and safe and come home to me. Come home to me always.”
Even though she and Chris were legally separated, they still lived together so they could take care of the boys. Arianna would leave to go out in the evening only after they were asleep. They would never even know that she had left. Chris seemed agreeable to this because they alternated evenings when each of them would go out. It might have seemed strange to the outside world but they had become like business associates rather than marriage partners and neither of them felt comprised by the others actions. The only thing, of course, at this point, because the children still had both their parents in the house, they were not yet affected by this turning point but that would come soon enough.
When she returned home, she gathered up her sleeping children and held them in her arms. Their sweet life around her restored some of her shattered heart. He had reassured her but now as soon as he was out of sight and she knew he was with her, again, she felt broken and unsure of their relationship. Still his words of confession that he had slept with Patty Jo rocked her into uncertainty and pain. She wondered if she would ever feel grounded again with him.
She tried unsuccessfully to block his word s from echoing around her head. She knew there was no one she would make love to, no one. Not movie star, millionaire or monarch would have made her falter in her devotion to him. It’s not good to love someone that much, she thought, it’s a recipe for a fool. Yet, what could she do about it, it was the way she felt and she could no longer imagine her life without him, no matter what the sacrifice.
The next days dripped by lik e molasses rolling over a scorched tree. Slow and painful, the wait was for her, wondering every minute what he was doing and if he would return to her.
Chapter VIII
Return to Love
Arianna spent time with the boys and setting up the schedule for the cigarette promotion. The laughter of the children was music to her and soothed her spirit. Hungry for answers, for a new direction, she would analyze and try to decide what to do.
She was on the phone trying to book the promotion over the loud giggling of the boys. When she returned to the great room, the boys jumped up and ran to hide inside the kitchen cabinet (their favorite spot). The one oversized cabinet was almost bare; she had left it that way for them. They were small enough; they each of them could crawl onto one of the shelves and hide. Walking into their bedroom, she realized what all the laughter was about. They had removed about 25 cans of food from the pantry and taken each one and laid them on a paper plate all around the room. They hadn’t left one can alone. It probably wasn’t the best disciplinary measures, but all she did was laugh with them and let them play. It was a mess but that’s what little boys do. She thought, that’s what big boys do also, they make a fair amount of mess too.
She worried about Adam’s comments about having children and wondered if it ever got that far that she would divorce, would he be able to be a dad. Could he love her children? But dealing in harsh realities was not her strong point and fantasies were more adapted to her mind.
For now, she dismissed these things from her mind. She knew she had to or she would become paralyzed.
“Good-bye my love, be well and safe and come home to me. Come home to me always.”
Even though she and Chris were legally separated, they still lived together so they could take care of the boys. Arianna would leave to go out in the evening only after they were asleep. They would never even know that she had left. Chris seemed agreeable to this because they alternated evenings when each of them would go out. It might have seemed strange to the outside world but they had become like business associates rather than marriage partners and neither of them felt comprised by the others actions. The only thing, of course, at this point, because the children still had both their parents in the house, they were not yet affected by this turning point but that would come soon enough.
When she returned home, she gathered up her sleeping children and held them in her arms. Their sweet life around her restored some of her shattered heart. He had reassured her but now as soon as he was out of sight and she knew he was with her, again, she felt broken and unsure of their relationship. Still his words of confession that he had slept with Patty Jo rocked her into uncertainty and pain. She wondered if she would ever feel grounded again with him.
She tried unsuccessfully to block his word s from echoing around her head. She knew there was no one she would make love to, no one. Not movie star, millionaire or monarch would have made her falter in her devotion to him. It’s not good to love someone that much, she thought, it’s a recipe for a fool. Yet, what could she do about it, it was the way she felt and she could no longer imagine her life without him, no matter what the sacrifice.
The next days dripped by lik e molasses rolling over a scorched tree. Slow and painful, the wait was for her, wondering every minute what he was doing and if he would return to her.
Chapter VIII
Return to Love
Arianna spent time with the boys and setting up the schedule for the cigarette promotion. The laughter of the children was music to her and soothed her spirit. Hungry for answers, for a new direction, she would analyze and try to decide what to do.
She was on the phone trying to book the promotion over the loud giggling of the boys. When she returned to the great room, the boys jumped up and ran to hide inside the kitchen cabinet (their favorite spot). The one oversized cabinet was almost bare; she had left it that way for them. They were small enough; they each of them could crawl onto one of the shelves and hide. Walking into their bedroom, she realized what all the laughter was about. They had removed about 25 cans of food from the pantry and taken each one and laid them on a paper plate all around the room. They hadn’t left one can alone. It probably wasn’t the best disciplinary measures, but all she did was laugh with them and let them play. It was a mess but that’s what little boys do. She thought, that’s what big boys do also, they make a fair amount of mess too.
She worried about Adam’s comments about having children and wondered if it ever got that far that she would divorce, would he be able to be a dad. Could he love her children? But dealing in harsh realities was not her strong point and fantasies were more adapted to her mind.
For now, she dismissed these things from her mind. She knew she had to or she would become paralyzed.
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