Read Online Swallowing Stones by Joyce McDonald - Free Book Online

to normal. It would be too painful.
    Andrea locked her arms across her chest. “I’m not going to give up until you say you’ll go with me to the pool. I’ll come over here every day and drive you crazy until you say yes,” she said, thrusting her chin forward.
    Jenna had to laugh. She knew how stubborn Andrea could be. She’d nag her until she gave in. Jenna also understood that her friend was only trying to help. “Okay,” she said finally. “I’ll go. Happy now?”
    “Ecstatic,” Andrea said, standing up. And she did look pleased, as if she had completed some secret mission. “I’ll come over about ten, okay?”
    “Right. Ten.” Jenna watched her friend cross the yard. Then she lay back, closed her eyes, and imagined Jason had been the one to wander into the yard that evening instead of Andrea.
    w hen Jenna went inside a few minutes later, she headed straight for the refrigerator. Neither she nor her mother had bothered much with regular meals, eating only when they thought of it, which wasn’t often. Jenna hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast.
    She studied the casserole dishes and the endless stacks of Tupperware filled with soups and salads. Edible condolences from friends and neighbors. Even now, people were still stopping by unexpectedly to leave freshly baked blueberry muffins or a tortellini salad. Jenna wondered if it would ever end.
    Overwhelmed by the profusion of colored plastic, she reached for the most convenient container, which happened to be filled with potato salad that had gone bad. She gagged, and stuffed the salad back into the refrigerator. Finally, without giving it much thought, she slapped together a peanut butter sandwich, then tossed the gummy knife into a sink full of unwashed dishes.
    The house was silent except for the distant hum of the refrigerator as she wandered from room to room, idly chewing the sandwich. Dozens of wilting flower arrangements, sent by well-meaning friends—in spite of the family’s request that the money be donated to charity instead—still sat on tables in theliving room and dining room. The water in their containers had become stagnant. The two rooms smelled sour. Jenna held her nose as she walked through.
    When she reached the family room, she found her mother asleep on the couch. A half-eaten slice of whole wheat toast, thinly coated with grape jelly, sat on a plate on the floor. A tiny blob of jelly stained the front of her mothers light blue T-shirt. On the floor in front of the couch lay a flower-print comforter.
    Jenna shivered, stuffed the last bite of her sandwich into her mouth, and rubbed her upper arms. The room was ice-cold. The air-conditioning was on full blast, as usual.
    She lifted the comforter from the floor and gently laid it over her mother.
    Meredith Ward blinked and, with eyes only half open, said, “Jen?”
    “Yeah?”
    Her mother nuzzled her cheek against one of the throw pillows. “Did you have dinner yet?”
    Jenna wiped the peanut butter from her fingers onto her shorts. “Yeah.”
    “Good.” Her mother’s eyes closed again.
    Jenna stood for a while, her arms dangling limply at her sides, watching her mother. During the past few weeks they had been unusually careful with each other. There had been no arguments, no scenes, yet Jenna felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. She hesitated for a moment, then said, “Mom?”
    “Hmmm?”
    “Have you ever wondered why? I mean, why us? Why Daddy?” She had been plagued by these questions but hadn’t dared to ask them out loud.
    Her mother was awake now. She sat up, shoving the comforterinto a ball at the end of the couch, then stared at it for a few minutes. Jenna saw that the rims of her eyes were swollen and red. She envied her mother her tears.
    Finally her mother said, “I don’t have an answer for that, Jen.”
    “Is it something we did? I mean, I know this sounds really childish, but I can’t help feeling like we’re being punished.”
    Meredith reached for