Read Online Surviving Regret by Megan Smith - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Megan Smith
Tags: General Fiction
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in and I pump faster, my release hits hard. My vision gets spotty as I continue to rock in Macy at a slower pace but never losing eye contact with her. Eventually my body gives out and I collapse on top of her. I’m probably crushing her but she’d never tell me. Macy runs her fingernails up and down my back as I try to get my breathing under control.
“Fuck,” I pant out. “I never wanted it to end.”
Macy doesn’t respond. She knows me all too well, she’s waiting for that wall to go up between us and for me block the world out again. It’s what she’s used to.
I slip from Macy’s body with a hiss, missing her warmth already and pull her to me. We wrap our arms around each other and fall asleep eventually listening to each other’s breathing.
September 23, 2013
I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and curse. I’m late meeting Jay, he hates that shit and I doubt he’s still waiting for me. I got held up by one of my professors. She’s concerned about me and my grades. Hell, I’m concerned about them, too. No matter what I do I feel like I’m always one step behind. I’m passing but just barely and I have to keep my grades up in order to keep my scholarship. I promised I’d get some help, it was a lie but she bought it. I don’t have time for help.
I walk quickly just off the quad in my normal meeting place with Jay and am thankful he’s still there. I hand him the money, he hands me the weed and I take off in the other direction in a hurry because I’m going to be late for practice.
Colton and Jet greet me when I walk in. I throw my bag on the bench and pull out some clothes. The locker room is mostly empty except for Cash who is still getting changed himself.
I reach into my jean pocket and pull out the baggie quickly shoving it in my bag and zipper it. I look around making sure no one saw but when I glance in Cash’s direction he’s standing there staring at me, but acting as if he doesn’t really care. But he saw me and what I had. Fuck. I really didn’t need for him of all people to see that.
I stare at him, wondering if he’s going say anything, only he doesn’t. He just shakes his head and continues doing what he’s doing.
I put on my basketball shorts, slip my shoulder pads on over my head, securing them and then toss on my practice jersey. We’re just doing catches so I don’t need to be completely suited up. I double-check that I’ve locked my locker, grab my helmet and run off to the field before coach bitches I’m late again.
We’re running plays getting ready for the game this weekend. Cash is throwing balls to the other receivers perfectly, nailing it each and every time. When he throws to me he makes me work for it. He throws the ball too short, too long, too hard. I keep up for the most part but I fuck up some that I should’ve been able to catch. He’s doing it on purpose and he has every right to. Coach is all over my ass about it and there isn’t a goddamn thing I can do about it.
After practice is over we all hit the showers. The voices in my head are creeping back in.
“Landon, get down.”
I hurry, rushing around when normally I’m one of the last to leave.
“Landon, get it. It’s burning my back.”
“Hey, man, where you going?” Colton asks.
“Steven!” Alexa screams. “No, you promised.”
I pick up my bag and throw it over my shoulder, “I’ve got stuff to do.”
When I walk past Cash I catch him say, “I bet you do.” But I don’t stop. No good will come of it if I do. He doesn’t realize I’m on the verge of losing it.
I ride around in my truck for what feels like forever waiting for the parking lot to clear before heading back. The weed in my bag and the whiskey under my seat are taunting me. Finally feeling like I couldn’t wait another second, I pull into my normal parking spot and reach for the whiskey.
I drink it down until my throat feels like it’s on fire. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and then do
“Fuck,” I pant out. “I never wanted it to end.”
Macy doesn’t respond. She knows me all too well, she’s waiting for that wall to go up between us and for me block the world out again. It’s what she’s used to.
I slip from Macy’s body with a hiss, missing her warmth already and pull her to me. We wrap our arms around each other and fall asleep eventually listening to each other’s breathing.
September 23, 2013
I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and curse. I’m late meeting Jay, he hates that shit and I doubt he’s still waiting for me. I got held up by one of my professors. She’s concerned about me and my grades. Hell, I’m concerned about them, too. No matter what I do I feel like I’m always one step behind. I’m passing but just barely and I have to keep my grades up in order to keep my scholarship. I promised I’d get some help, it was a lie but she bought it. I don’t have time for help.
I walk quickly just off the quad in my normal meeting place with Jay and am thankful he’s still there. I hand him the money, he hands me the weed and I take off in the other direction in a hurry because I’m going to be late for practice.
Colton and Jet greet me when I walk in. I throw my bag on the bench and pull out some clothes. The locker room is mostly empty except for Cash who is still getting changed himself.
I reach into my jean pocket and pull out the baggie quickly shoving it in my bag and zipper it. I look around making sure no one saw but when I glance in Cash’s direction he’s standing there staring at me, but acting as if he doesn’t really care. But he saw me and what I had. Fuck. I really didn’t need for him of all people to see that.
I stare at him, wondering if he’s going say anything, only he doesn’t. He just shakes his head and continues doing what he’s doing.
I put on my basketball shorts, slip my shoulder pads on over my head, securing them and then toss on my practice jersey. We’re just doing catches so I don’t need to be completely suited up. I double-check that I’ve locked my locker, grab my helmet and run off to the field before coach bitches I’m late again.
We’re running plays getting ready for the game this weekend. Cash is throwing balls to the other receivers perfectly, nailing it each and every time. When he throws to me he makes me work for it. He throws the ball too short, too long, too hard. I keep up for the most part but I fuck up some that I should’ve been able to catch. He’s doing it on purpose and he has every right to. Coach is all over my ass about it and there isn’t a goddamn thing I can do about it.
After practice is over we all hit the showers. The voices in my head are creeping back in.
“Landon, get down.”
I hurry, rushing around when normally I’m one of the last to leave.
“Landon, get it. It’s burning my back.”
“Hey, man, where you going?” Colton asks.
“Steven!” Alexa screams. “No, you promised.”
I pick up my bag and throw it over my shoulder, “I’ve got stuff to do.”
When I walk past Cash I catch him say, “I bet you do.” But I don’t stop. No good will come of it if I do. He doesn’t realize I’m on the verge of losing it.
I ride around in my truck for what feels like forever waiting for the parking lot to clear before heading back. The weed in my bag and the whiskey under my seat are taunting me. Finally feeling like I couldn’t wait another second, I pull into my normal parking spot and reach for the whiskey.
I drink it down until my throat feels like it’s on fire. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and then do
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