Read Online Strip Tease by Carl Hiaasen - Free Book Online

part about the contingency fee, he saw Shad stiffen.
    “Forty percent? That’s what you get?”
    “It’s standard, Mr. Shad. You can check around.”
    “Forty motherfucking percent!”
    “Most attorneys quote similar rates.”
    “Is that so?” Shad lowered his head and leaned across the table. “I had a guy took a rat case for thirty-three, plus expenses.”
    “Well,” said Mordecai, unsettled, “my forty includes all costs.” He didn’t want to hear about the other case, but he needed to know. “When you say rat…”
    “Baby Norway.” With his hands Shad indicated the size. “About yea long. It was up at the Beef N’ Reef in Wilton Manors. I open the steak sauce and there she comes, bingo, a rat! Lying there on my Rib-eye Special. Talk about traumatized.”
    The image made Mordecai pause. “And you filed suit?”
    “Yeah, but something happened. The other side… I really don’t know. They sued me back, believe it or not, and my lawyer said I was better off to forget the whole thing.” Shad spoke of the experience bitterly. “I never paid the bastard a nickel,” he added pointedly. “That was the deal.”
    “It’s the usual contingency contract.” Mordecai felt better now, back in familiar territory. “Suing a big corporation isn’t easy. It’s hard work. Expensive, too.”
    “On the phone you said they’d settle.”
    “They probably will, Mr. Shad, but not without a fight. That’s where I’ll earn my forty percent—if we win.”
    Mordecai wasn’t displaying the fiery optimism that Shad would have liked. He wondered if he’d made the right choice in attorneys. “How long does yogurt stay good?” he asked.
    The lawyer said he didn’t know.
    “You better find out.” Shad held up the carton. “When this shit starts to turn, watch out, Mother. The stink is so bad it peels wallpaper.”
    Mordecai said, “We’ll freeze it if necessary.”
    “It ain’t lunch,” said Shad, “it’s evidence. So don’t go fucking up the chain of custody.”
    “Certainly not.” Mordecai thought: Chain of custody? What’s the story on this guy?
    Shad said, “Tell me about your ace shrink.”
    “A good man. I’ve used him on other cases. You should start seeing him as soon as possible, and as often as possible.”
    “And who pays for that?”
    Mordecai smiled paternally. “Don’t you worry. Eventually the Delicato company will take care of all expenses. In the meantime, we need to build up a detailed medical record.”
    Shad said, “I never been to a shrink. I got a feeling I won’t like it.”
    “It’s important to document your pain and suffering. It will help determine the final damages.”
    “The money, you mean.”
    “Exactly. The court needs to know the ordeal you’ve been through. You might even consider quitting your job.”
    “Can’t do that,” Shad said flatly.
    “Lost income would greatly enhance a jury award. How about taking a leave of absence?”
    Shad said no, he couldn’t quit work. Mordecai backed off. They could discuss it another time. “What kind of job do you have?” he asked.
    “I’m in the entertainment business,” Shad said.
    “Really?” Mordecai couldn’t imagine it. “Are you a… performer?” He was thinking: Circus.
    Shad shook his head. “Security. I provide security.”
    “May I ask where?”
    “At a bottomless joint.”
    Mordecai took a deep breath. He imagined jurors would do the same. He imagined how it would be in court, watching helplessly as the sympathy drained from their eyes. Mordecai felt very sorry for himself; it had been such a crummy day. First the Paul Guber debacle and now this. Why didn’t he ever snare the choice plaintiffs—the adorable little kids, the winsome young widows, the sad but plucky pensioners?
    Not me, thought Mordecai. I get a bouncer from a tittie bar. Not a normal-looking bouncer either; some hairless pop-eyed “Star Trek” reject.
    The man named Shad said, “The hell’s the matter? If your