Read Online Strange Bedpersons by Jennifer Crusie - Free Book Online

Nick said. “And I’ll do the Paul Newman part and you can do Joanne Woodward’s.”
    “That works,” Tess said. “As I recall, they didn’t sleep together in that movie. Just a lot of sexual tension.”
    “They were going to at the end,” Nick said. “They were in the bedroom, laughing.”
    “They were getting married,” Tess pointed out.
    Nick parked the car beside Park’s at the end of the lane. “Could work.”
    “What?”
    Nick got out of the car and walked around to open her door, but she was already tripping out onto the gravel.
    “I said, ‘Could work,’” Nick repeated as he caught her upright.
    “Getting married? Us? Are you nuts?”
    “Yes,” Nick said. “But it’s situational madness. When I’m not around you, I’m a fully functioning adult. Don’t worry. The urge will go away once I’m back in the city.”
    “Well, until then, try not to make any other insane suggestions,” Tess said. “We’re in public.”
    She jerked on the hem of her jacket and started up the steps.
    “You know—” Nick began, but then the door opened, and he shut up. Tess looked up to find an aging monolith in a severe suit waiting placidly before her, backlit by the light from the hall. He looked like a cross between Abraham Lincoln and Lurch of the Addams Family.
    “Hi,” Tess said, holding out her hand. “I’m Tess Newhart.”
    “How do you do, Miss Newhart,” the man said, nodding. “I am Henderson, Mr. Welch’s manservant.” He stepped back from the door, and Tess dropped her hand and stepped through, prodded from behind by Nick and the suitcase.
    “If you’ll follow me,” Henderson said, “I will show you to your rooms. I hope you’ll find your stay with us a most pleasant one.”
    “Oh, me, too,” Tess said, and then winced as Nick bumped her with the suitcase to shut her up. “I didn’t know people had manservants anymore,” Tess whispered to Nick as they followed Henderson up the Gone with the Wind staircase. “Where do you suppose he got him? Sears?”
    “Don’t start,” Nick said, and Tess laughed.
    She laughed again once she was in her room and the door was shut behind her. The huge bedroom was papered in faded Early American blue and furnished in massive Early American walnut. The heavily carved bed was piled high with blue damask pillows that rose to within inches of a sampler that said “Idle Hands Are the Devil’s Playground.”
    Nick came through the connecting bathroom from his room to see what was so funny.
    “Give the man credit for having a sense of humor.” Tess gestured to the sampler. “What a thing to hang over a bed.”
    “You know,” Nick said, looking at her appraisingly, “I have idle hands.”
    Tess frowned at him, mentally stomping on her traitorous thoughts about what those hands could do. “You have an idle mind. It’s not the same thing.”
    “Well, come here and occupy both.” Nick grinned at her, and Tess felt her breath catch. She backed up a step.
    “I don’t think so,” she said.
    Nick jerked his head toward the sampler. “It’s the only moral thing to do. You wouldn’t want me to end up as the Devil’s playground, would you?”
    “As far as I’m concerned, you already are the Devil’s playground,” Tess said. “I can’t believe you’re trying to seduce me with a sampler.”
    “I just think the idea deserves some serious consideration.”
    “Well, you’ll have a lot of time to seriously consider it tonight,” Tess said. “In your own bedroom. Go away.”

    The before-dinner party was in full but dignified swing when Nick ushered a black-creped Tess into Welch’s tastefully male living room. The place was an ostentatious display of massive walnut furniture, coffee-colored leather, beige-striped walls and enough brass to outfit a band. Welch had decorated his house in money and leather and liquor cabinets and matched sets of never-opened calf-bound books, and then filled it with people with stiff upper lips who were