approached. “But, I don’t know. Maybe I do want to.”
“Want to what?” Tommy said, spinning his bar towel. “Go out with me?”
“As if I’d let her ruin her life,” I said.
“You’re just jealous.”
“Would you please leave us the hell alone?”
“Hey, I can take a hint.” Tommy bent down to look Lee in the eyes. I tore off a tiny piece of the vinyl I’d been picking at. “Come back and see me sometime.”
Lee giggled. She actually
giggled
. As soon as Tommy was out of earshot, I leaned forward and said quietly but clearly, slowly: “If you can’t see through a guy like Tommy, you shouldn’t even be
thinking
about having sex.”
She looked confused. “I’m talking about Jason, not Tommy.” Her eyes got big and she glanced over her shoulder and back at me. “That’s Tommy? I mean,
Tommy
Tommy?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you
tell
me he worked here?”
“I don’t know,” I said, shoving the pizza pan aside, the smell of hot pineapple making me sick. “But like you said, we’re not talking about Tommy. We’re talking about Jason.” I worked my finger into the hole I’d made in the seat and found the crumbling foam beneath.
She looked over at Tommy again. He waved and grinned from behind the counter. “So
that’s
Tommy.” She nodded a little. “Yeah. I can see that. How can you work here? Doesn’t being around him make you feel weird? Does Darren know? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”
I don’t know. Yes. No. “I was going to.”
“He’s not like I pictured,” she said, “but I think I get it. He has, like, an
energy.
”
I didn’t want to talk about it, not now, when it felt better to be mad at Lee than to have her care about my life, or worse, act like she understood it. I tore at the vinyl some more, making the hole bigger.
“Back to Jason,” I said, “because I have to start my shift soon. Isn’t it, like, against your religion to have sex? Before marriage, I mean?”
“Yeah, well, sort of. I don’t know.” She sighed. “It’s
Jason
.”
Hearing his name like that, her saying it with so much affection like maybe she actually loved him, I don’t know, but I wanted to knock the pizza and root beer off the table and run out of Picasso’s. It wasn’t fair, Lee getting to think about losing her virginity with a nice guy like Jason, someone who spent his last two bucks on her favorite cookie, someone who didn’t get her stoned so he could feel her up, someone who didn’t drive her to deserted parking lots without at least taking her out to a movie first. Someone who made a declaration
for
her, and not just in the backseat of a car.
I didn’t want her to have that, not with Jason. I felt so third grade, like I wanted to push Lee to the ground and say
I knew him first
.
“Right,” I said. “It’s Jason. And it’s not like you’re going to marry him. I mean, eventually you either break up or marry or move in together or whatever, right? Which do you think it’s going to be with Jason, honestly?”
Lee looked up at me, her face red. “You don’t have to say it like that.” A tear slipped out of her eye and my heart squeezed.
I wanted to take it all back and start the conversation over, but it was too late. If it had been anyone but Jason, anyone, maybe I wouldn’t have made such a mess out of it, but I just kept talking, pulling little chunks of foam out of the booth seat and flinging them on the floor.
“You want my advice? My advice is that you’re not missing anything and in a couple of years you’ll go to college and me and Jason will be here in Pathetica working crap-ass jobs and hanging out at Denny’s, so why waste your time? On either of us.”
More tears. She had to take a napkin out of the dispenser and hold it up to her face. I should have gotten up, slid into the booth next to her and put my arms around her, hugging her the way she hugged me every time she saw me. I’d say I was sorry, that I was just jealous and
“Want to what?” Tommy said, spinning his bar towel. “Go out with me?”
“As if I’d let her ruin her life,” I said.
“You’re just jealous.”
“Would you please leave us the hell alone?”
“Hey, I can take a hint.” Tommy bent down to look Lee in the eyes. I tore off a tiny piece of the vinyl I’d been picking at. “Come back and see me sometime.”
Lee giggled. She actually
giggled
. As soon as Tommy was out of earshot, I leaned forward and said quietly but clearly, slowly: “If you can’t see through a guy like Tommy, you shouldn’t even be
thinking
about having sex.”
She looked confused. “I’m talking about Jason, not Tommy.” Her eyes got big and she glanced over her shoulder and back at me. “That’s Tommy? I mean,
Tommy
Tommy?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you
tell
me he worked here?”
“I don’t know,” I said, shoving the pizza pan aside, the smell of hot pineapple making me sick. “But like you said, we’re not talking about Tommy. We’re talking about Jason.” I worked my finger into the hole I’d made in the seat and found the crumbling foam beneath.
She looked over at Tommy again. He waved and grinned from behind the counter. “So
that’s
Tommy.” She nodded a little. “Yeah. I can see that. How can you work here? Doesn’t being around him make you feel weird? Does Darren know? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”
I don’t know. Yes. No. “I was going to.”
“He’s not like I pictured,” she said, “but I think I get it. He has, like, an
energy.
”
I didn’t want to talk about it, not now, when it felt better to be mad at Lee than to have her care about my life, or worse, act like she understood it. I tore at the vinyl some more, making the hole bigger.
“Back to Jason,” I said, “because I have to start my shift soon. Isn’t it, like, against your religion to have sex? Before marriage, I mean?”
“Yeah, well, sort of. I don’t know.” She sighed. “It’s
Jason
.”
Hearing his name like that, her saying it with so much affection like maybe she actually loved him, I don’t know, but I wanted to knock the pizza and root beer off the table and run out of Picasso’s. It wasn’t fair, Lee getting to think about losing her virginity with a nice guy like Jason, someone who spent his last two bucks on her favorite cookie, someone who didn’t get her stoned so he could feel her up, someone who didn’t drive her to deserted parking lots without at least taking her out to a movie first. Someone who made a declaration
for
her, and not just in the backseat of a car.
I didn’t want her to have that, not with Jason. I felt so third grade, like I wanted to push Lee to the ground and say
I knew him first
.
“Right,” I said. “It’s Jason. And it’s not like you’re going to marry him. I mean, eventually you either break up or marry or move in together or whatever, right? Which do you think it’s going to be with Jason, honestly?”
Lee looked up at me, her face red. “You don’t have to say it like that.” A tear slipped out of her eye and my heart squeezed.
I wanted to take it all back and start the conversation over, but it was too late. If it had been anyone but Jason, anyone, maybe I wouldn’t have made such a mess out of it, but I just kept talking, pulling little chunks of foam out of the booth seat and flinging them on the floor.
“You want my advice? My advice is that you’re not missing anything and in a couple of years you’ll go to college and me and Jason will be here in Pathetica working crap-ass jobs and hanging out at Denny’s, so why waste your time? On either of us.”
More tears. She had to take a napkin out of the dispenser and hold it up to her face. I should have gotten up, slid into the booth next to her and put my arms around her, hugging her the way she hugged me every time she saw me. I’d say I was sorry, that I was just jealous and
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