Jessica says. “Sounds pretty awesome, but there’s got to be more.”
“I’ll have three homes, each one Japanese style with
tatami
on the floor and open rooms. I’ll put one on the beach and keep one in the jungle. A mobile home will float just above the peaks with access to skiing out the front door. There will be Japanese-style hot tubs in each one and a portal so that you can move instantly between them. We’ll have sushi and gyoza every night.”
“We?”
“That’s the best part.” Matt bends down with his mouth next to Jessica’s ear and nibbles with his lips. “Just the two of us and a bunch of kids as crazy as me about you and skiing. And then I’ll put the rest of the universe on auto-pilot and just enjoy life with you and the kids.
Forever
.”
Jessica turns back around to look at the night sky, pulling Matt’s arms down and wrapping them around her.
“Maybe it will happen,” she says. “But not the auto-pilot part. If you were God, you’d still have to take care of the rest of the universe.”
He squeezes Jessica extra hard and nuzzles her warm neck with his lips. “Seems to me that’s exactly what God
has
done. Taken a long vacation and just left the world to itself.” He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.
Jessica is silent for a long time.
He knows that she’s thinking, trying to figure out how to answer him in a way that will help him understand.
He
wants
to understand.
“I know that’s the way it looks sometimes,” she says. “Maybe even most of the time. But it’s not true. Somebody is out there. And they love us. We just have to be patient and trust in them. All things have a purpose. It will be clear soon enough, and we’ll agree that it’s been worth the suffering.”
“Wow.” Matt takes in a deep breath. “I want to believe, Jess, but I can’t. Don’t you see? You just gave me the stock answer given by people who believe in God.
Just have faith, and everything will work out.
” Matt feels himself getting pulled into the same old conversation, one they’ve had many times before. “Why can’t you just accept the
facts
without trying to explain them? The world is full of suffering. Innocent children die every day. People get cancer. There’s unspeakable injustice. If there were an all-powerful, all-loving God, he surely wouldn’t allow any of this to happen. He wouldn’t allow sadness, period. So there must not be a God.”
Matt doesn’t want the evening to end in an argument, but he also doesn’t want Jess to believe in fairytales.
Jessica stretches out her arms and points up at the stars. “There’s only one way to take away all the suffering. God would have to use force. He’d have to control our minds and choices. Turn us into slaves.” Her hands come up around Matt’s neck, pulling gently. “But he loves us too much to do that. A world without real choices would be its own version of hell. Everything might look great on the surface, but we’d all just be little robots underneath. No freedom. No growth. No joy. A nightmare.”
There’s more silence between them.
Matt decides it’s time to concede defeat, at least for now. “That’s one of the reasons I love you. You have an answer for everything.”
The porch light goes on, bathing them both in brightness and erasing the night sky.
“Yep,” Jessica says in her usual confident voice. She turns around to face Matt again. Her lips move slowly, but no sound comes out.
It’s a game she likes to play, mouthing words and letting him read her lips. She always says it will come in handy someday. And he always plays along, happy for any excuse to focus on her lips.
Now he sees them moving and knows what she’s saying.
“My dad is on the other side of the door, listening. I have to go.”
“I’m not saying goodbye.” Matt moves his lips in silence. “Things will be better when I get back from Japan in September. I’ll talk to your dad, answer his questions. Make him
“I’ll have three homes, each one Japanese style with
tatami
on the floor and open rooms. I’ll put one on the beach and keep one in the jungle. A mobile home will float just above the peaks with access to skiing out the front door. There will be Japanese-style hot tubs in each one and a portal so that you can move instantly between them. We’ll have sushi and gyoza every night.”
“We?”
“That’s the best part.” Matt bends down with his mouth next to Jessica’s ear and nibbles with his lips. “Just the two of us and a bunch of kids as crazy as me about you and skiing. And then I’ll put the rest of the universe on auto-pilot and just enjoy life with you and the kids.
Forever
.”
Jessica turns back around to look at the night sky, pulling Matt’s arms down and wrapping them around her.
“Maybe it will happen,” she says. “But not the auto-pilot part. If you were God, you’d still have to take care of the rest of the universe.”
He squeezes Jessica extra hard and nuzzles her warm neck with his lips. “Seems to me that’s exactly what God
has
done. Taken a long vacation and just left the world to itself.” He regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth.
Jessica is silent for a long time.
He knows that she’s thinking, trying to figure out how to answer him in a way that will help him understand.
He
wants
to understand.
“I know that’s the way it looks sometimes,” she says. “Maybe even most of the time. But it’s not true. Somebody is out there. And they love us. We just have to be patient and trust in them. All things have a purpose. It will be clear soon enough, and we’ll agree that it’s been worth the suffering.”
“Wow.” Matt takes in a deep breath. “I want to believe, Jess, but I can’t. Don’t you see? You just gave me the stock answer given by people who believe in God.
Just have faith, and everything will work out.
” Matt feels himself getting pulled into the same old conversation, one they’ve had many times before. “Why can’t you just accept the
facts
without trying to explain them? The world is full of suffering. Innocent children die every day. People get cancer. There’s unspeakable injustice. If there were an all-powerful, all-loving God, he surely wouldn’t allow any of this to happen. He wouldn’t allow sadness, period. So there must not be a God.”
Matt doesn’t want the evening to end in an argument, but he also doesn’t want Jess to believe in fairytales.
Jessica stretches out her arms and points up at the stars. “There’s only one way to take away all the suffering. God would have to use force. He’d have to control our minds and choices. Turn us into slaves.” Her hands come up around Matt’s neck, pulling gently. “But he loves us too much to do that. A world without real choices would be its own version of hell. Everything might look great on the surface, but we’d all just be little robots underneath. No freedom. No growth. No joy. A nightmare.”
There’s more silence between them.
Matt decides it’s time to concede defeat, at least for now. “That’s one of the reasons I love you. You have an answer for everything.”
The porch light goes on, bathing them both in brightness and erasing the night sky.
“Yep,” Jessica says in her usual confident voice. She turns around to face Matt again. Her lips move slowly, but no sound comes out.
It’s a game she likes to play, mouthing words and letting him read her lips. She always says it will come in handy someday. And he always plays along, happy for any excuse to focus on her lips.
Now he sees them moving and knows what she’s saying.
“My dad is on the other side of the door, listening. I have to go.”
“I’m not saying goodbye.” Matt moves his lips in silence. “Things will be better when I get back from Japan in September. I’ll talk to your dad, answer his questions. Make him
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