Read Online Still Water by A. M. Johnson - Free Book Online

get me so tangled. I had pride in the fact that most guys couldn't rattle me. Confusion settled in my gut as he trapped me in his hard gaze. I had no idea what he wanted from me. I watched his fantastically sculpted arms tense and the muscle in his jaw tick. I looked away feeling self-conscious at the warmth and color that flooded my cheeks.
     

CHAPTER TEN
    Todd
     
    T HAT FUCKING BLUSH WAS GOING TO destroy me. I've never been this physically attracted to another girl in my entire damn life, not even with Elizabeth. I pulled my eyes away from her in effort to calm the overwhelming need to drag her to my office and just end this now. Jace's self-righteous laughter drew me out of my thoughts.
    "Go fuck yourself, man. Like you have any room to talk," I said with irritation at his judgment. Jace was probably a bigger whore than I was. He just hid it. Whereas I — I put that shit right out on display. What was the purpose of hiding it? All those things will come and bite you in the ass eventually.
    The hot blonde was lingering by the door. She was waiting for me to bite at the bait she was waving under my nose all night, but I wasn't sure I wanted what she was offering. I was over it. I closed my eyes; Lily's kiss was on repeat in my head, her damn pink lips that tasted like berries. I hadn't ever tasted anything so sweet.
    "Hey, that chick won't leave, and we got to lock up." Jace clipped me on the shoulder with his fist. "You sending her packing or what?"
    This night was so confusing, and I wasn't sure what to do with all this excessive tension. Part of me wanted to send this chick on her way. I didn't need this shit anymore, but the other half — the half that saw shame in Lily's eyes no matter what she said — that part of me knew better. Still water runs deep, and deep down I was empty. Empty like an abyss. Void of anything permanent. I wasn't worth the commitment. Why should I offer anything more when all of me is never good enough?
    "I got this." I smiled up at the blonde and walked to the front door. Fuck it.
     

CHAPTER ELEVEN
    Lily
     
    A LL THAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH MY mind on my way home from work was the sight of Todd's back as he left the bar with the skanky blonde. She was so obviously desperate for his attention, it was sad. I watched as she touched his arm, laughed at his jokes, ran her fingers through his hair. A few hours earlier I'd been doing the same thing, and my easy behavior was making me angry. The thing that was pissing me off more than anything was that he chose her over me. I hated myself for caring. I was mad that he'd go home with her, share his bed with her, but not with me. It was disgusting how I was letting all my insecurities boil to the surface. Self-doubt started to pull me under as I turned into my driveway. All the dumb girl questions started flowing like a sieve. Did he not like how I kissed? Was my body not good enough for him? Did he think I was too inexperienced?
    My internal monologue was absolutely ridiculous. Todd was a player; I didn't need a guy like him in my life. I would go to work, do my job, sing for Frank, and get the deal I needed to make my album. I quietly walked down the stairs to my basement apartment. My feet were killing me, and all I wanted was a hot shower. There was no way that was going to happen. Eve would have a damn come apart if I woke Christopher. Instead, I got in my worn sleep pants and my dad's gray band T-shirt. Once my head hit the pillow, I couldn't hold back the tears. What the hell was wrong with me that I would be so drawn to this guy who was so obviously and completely emotionally unavailable?
    I missed my father so much. If he were still here, still alive, I could talk to him about this. He would be able to give me an answer. If only I had listened to him like I should have.
    The hard rain fell onto the roof of my house making it hard to sleep. Derrick broke my heart tonight when I saw him with her. He never really loved me, and my dad knew it.