front of the chapel. The bastards were always alert. He’d been around a lot of soldiers, and that’s what they reminded him of. Soldiers? Was that what they were? Former military?
Did that make the motivation political? When the takeover started, his first thought was that it had to be Middle Eastern terrorists-but it was obvious these men were Americans. What the hell did they want? How could they be so brazen? So unafraid of death?
A short, muscular hijacker stepped into the center aisle and cleared his throat rather theatrically.
“Hi, everybody. I’m
Jack
. You can call my big, bad buddy over there
Little John
. Our sincerest apologies for detaining you like this. Anyone who needs to use a bathroom, just raise your hand, and you’ll be escorted. There’s food and water. Again, just raise your hand. Feel free to lie down in the pews or on the floor there in the back. If you cooperate, things will go smoothly. If you don’t, well, the consequences will be very unpleasant. The choice is yours.”
Who was this little twerp to lecture them like they were schoolchildren being held in detention? Stephen Hopkins stood up at the same time as the mayor of New York. The mayor sat back down.
“What’s this all about?” he said angrily. “What do you want with us? Why do you dishonor my wife?”
“Mr. President,” the hijacker said, smiling as he walked down the aisle. “That tone of voice will not do. I’m going out of my way to be polite. I sincerely urge you to do the same.”
Stephen Hopkins’s knuckles went white as he gripped the back of the pew in front of him. He wasn’t used to being spoken to like this by anyone. Not in a long, long time.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” he said. “You want decorum. Then would the gentleman
in the ski mask
deign to let the assembly know why he’s holding them hostage?”
A few hostages in the pews laughed nervously and sat up a little straighter.
The lead hijacker looked around at the group. He laughed, too. Then he leaned in and grabbed the former president by his full head of white hair.
“Why, why, why?” he said into his ear. “That was always your weakest side, Stevie-boy. You always had to intellectualize everything.”
“You son of a bitch,” Hopkins yelled, partly because of the pain. It felt like his hair was tearing out of his scalp. This small man, Jack, was very strong.
“Now you’re calling my mother a bitch?” Jack said. “Maybe you’ve gotten your ass kissed so much you forget that it can get kicked, too. Disrespect me again, asshole, and I’ll kick your guts out and make you eat ’em.”
Jack yanked the former president out into the aisle. Finally, he let go of his hair, and Hopkins sank to the floor.
The hijacker let out a deep breath and smiled at the other hostages.
“See that? There goes my temper,” Jack said. “Now you’ve seen my one weakness.”
After a long, thoughtful moment, he made a thumbing motion at the former president.
“Mr. President, you know what? You’ve been through enough today,” he said. “Why don’t you go home? You’re dismissed! Get him the hell out of my church.”
Two of the hijackers grabbed the former president roughly by his elbows and started shoving him quickly into the main part of the church, toward the front doors.
“Tell you the truth, though, Hopkins,” Jack called at the former president’s back. “After meeting you, I’m actually
glad
I voted for Nader. Both times.”
Chapter 28
JOHN ROONEY,
LA Times
-
proclaimed “film comic of the decade,” was praying. Seriously lapsed or not, he was baptized a Christian, and he was sitting as still as he could in his pew, silently saying the Lord’s Prayer to beat the band.
He stopped in midprayer when something small and sharp struck him in the side of the neck. When he looked down, he saw that there was a little wad of folded paper on the pew beside him. What the heck was this?
The paper ball was made from a page ripped out of a
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