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Authors: Brina Courtney
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passed before Victoria realized that Kate was sitting on the floor next to her bed. Her head was right beside Victoria’s and she stared at her carefully. They were so close that their foreheads were almost touching. With both faces laying sideways on their arms they almost looked like mirror images of each other. One was older and more refined, and the other looking like what remained of a drained individual.
Kate lifted her hand up to brush the hair out of Victoria’s face, and she shivered at her touch. She realized she didn’t want to be touched anymore, that luxury had been reserved for Levi.
Kate began to whisper to her, “You can do this. You have to.”
8
That night was the worst. For some reason talking to Kate had made things seem worse. Victoria looked at her clock, 2 AM again. It was the third night in a row she’d woken up at the exact same time with the salty tears rolling down her face. On nights like this all she wanted to do was die. She had thought she should suffer through the pain. But that night she couldn’t do it anymore. Victoria wanted to end her life. She was tired of the crying and sick of the people who told her that she would need to get over it. Kate didn’t even understand. She wanted her to go back to her normal life. But Victoria couldn’t do that, not anymore.
She slowly pulled the covers off of herself and allowed her feet to find the cold hardwood floor. It took Victoria at least ten minutes just to get the courage to stand up and another fifteen to walk across the floor to her door. When she touched the cold metal it felt like it was glued to her fingertips. Could Victoria make it all the way down the stairs? Could she find a knife? Was she brave enough to make the choice that she was about to make? The answers were simple. Victoria was a coward. She had allowed Levi to sacrifice himself in order for her to live. It was time for Victoria to end it, all of it. The pain and the heartache was just scratching the surface of what was beneath, the darkness. The darkness that threatened to take over her entire being every moment of the day. Victoria took the stairs slowly hoping that the creaking wouldn't disturb her sleeping family. They had helped her move back home to take care of her. She felt bad for a moment thinking about when they would find her body. What her mother would do. When she passed the living room she saw Kate sleeping on the sofa. Clearly she was sticking around to help Victoria. But she wouldn’t need her anymore. She continued to slowly creep into the kitchen where her mother's knives were kept in a block. She took out a small one admiring its beauty glinting in the starlight. It was plenty sharp and Victoria knew that the relief would be immediate. Victoria had considered all the ways to accomplish ending her life before, but just a simple cut would do. She dragged the blade slowly across the inside of her wrist watching the red substance leak out of her skin. It didn't feel like her blood, but nothing felt like anything normal anymore. She used the knife once more and made a second line beneath the first closer to her elbow this time. Her skin was as easy to cut as butter and it surprised her. Victoria held the knife in her hand and slowly lowered herself against the white counters. She slid down the cupboards onto the hardwood floor which was now spattered with blood. Victoria sat there for a moment and closed her eyes thinking of Levi and how she would be with him soon. As Victoria pulled the knife up to her neck she said, “I'm sorry.” Just as Victoria was about to make the final cut a hand swooped in and grabbed the knife from her. She was shocked at the sudden revelation that someone else was in the room with her and she looked up to see Kate standing angrily over her.
“ What the hell do you think you're doing? I’m not here for you to go ahead and kill yourself! Are you serious?” Kate put the knife on the counter and folded her
Kate lifted her hand up to brush the hair out of Victoria’s face, and she shivered at her touch. She realized she didn’t want to be touched anymore, that luxury had been reserved for Levi.
Kate began to whisper to her, “You can do this. You have to.”
8
That night was the worst. For some reason talking to Kate had made things seem worse. Victoria looked at her clock, 2 AM again. It was the third night in a row she’d woken up at the exact same time with the salty tears rolling down her face. On nights like this all she wanted to do was die. She had thought she should suffer through the pain. But that night she couldn’t do it anymore. Victoria wanted to end her life. She was tired of the crying and sick of the people who told her that she would need to get over it. Kate didn’t even understand. She wanted her to go back to her normal life. But Victoria couldn’t do that, not anymore.
She slowly pulled the covers off of herself and allowed her feet to find the cold hardwood floor. It took Victoria at least ten minutes just to get the courage to stand up and another fifteen to walk across the floor to her door. When she touched the cold metal it felt like it was glued to her fingertips. Could Victoria make it all the way down the stairs? Could she find a knife? Was she brave enough to make the choice that she was about to make? The answers were simple. Victoria was a coward. She had allowed Levi to sacrifice himself in order for her to live. It was time for Victoria to end it, all of it. The pain and the heartache was just scratching the surface of what was beneath, the darkness. The darkness that threatened to take over her entire being every moment of the day. Victoria took the stairs slowly hoping that the creaking wouldn't disturb her sleeping family. They had helped her move back home to take care of her. She felt bad for a moment thinking about when they would find her body. What her mother would do. When she passed the living room she saw Kate sleeping on the sofa. Clearly she was sticking around to help Victoria. But she wouldn’t need her anymore. She continued to slowly creep into the kitchen where her mother's knives were kept in a block. She took out a small one admiring its beauty glinting in the starlight. It was plenty sharp and Victoria knew that the relief would be immediate. Victoria had considered all the ways to accomplish ending her life before, but just a simple cut would do. She dragged the blade slowly across the inside of her wrist watching the red substance leak out of her skin. It didn't feel like her blood, but nothing felt like anything normal anymore. She used the knife once more and made a second line beneath the first closer to her elbow this time. Her skin was as easy to cut as butter and it surprised her. Victoria held the knife in her hand and slowly lowered herself against the white counters. She slid down the cupboards onto the hardwood floor which was now spattered with blood. Victoria sat there for a moment and closed her eyes thinking of Levi and how she would be with him soon. As Victoria pulled the knife up to her neck she said, “I'm sorry.” Just as Victoria was about to make the final cut a hand swooped in and grabbed the knife from her. She was shocked at the sudden revelation that someone else was in the room with her and she looked up to see Kate standing angrily over her.
“ What the hell do you think you're doing? I’m not here for you to go ahead and kill yourself! Are you serious?” Kate put the knife on the counter and folded her
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