Sampson the bird. For one thing, he still had the merkin in his hand. For another, Sampson would probably exact a terrible revenge next time they had PE.
‘No,’ said Jack. ‘I’m not.’
Vivi cocked her head to one side. ‘That’s funny, because yesterday morning you decided to tell us all that you’d been masturbating for the entire holidays .’
‘Thank you,’ said Darylyn.
Jack groaned. ‘I’ve been through all this already.’
‘Sorry I missed it,’ said Vivi. ‘But we were busy filling in my application for Mayor for a Week.’
‘We?’ said Jack.
‘I had to get Oliver to nominate me.’
‘ I hadn’t been hauled away to see the vice principal,’ said Sampson, shrugging. ‘Plus I had the advantage of not having my hands full.’
‘Come on, dude,’ said Reese, frowning at Sampson. ‘Why are you even here?’
‘It’s okay, Reese,’ said Jack. ‘I can take a joke. I wouldn’t want you thinking I’m being weird or anything.’
Darylyn glanced at Reese, then Jack. ‘Well. This did not go the way I expected.’ She looked up at Sampson. ‘Also, I don’t know who you are.’
Just then, Jack’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He’d forgotten: someone had been trying to call him. That was how the whole case-of-mistaken-masturbating had started.
With everyone busy talking to Sampson, Jack knelt down and threw the merkin into the bottom of his backpack, burying it beneath a pile of books.
With his hands and pockets finally free of pubic hairpieces, he grabbed his phone and checked his messages.
A missed call, a voicemail message and a bunch of texts, all from his mum.
I’m serious Jack! said the latest text. Call me back NOW!!
Mr Trench had obviously called home already. Which meant the following conversation was going to be awkward.
Jack turned his back on Vivi and the others for a moment, took a deep breath, and pressed ‘Dial’.
His mum’s voice was high-pitched and breathless when she answered. ‘Jack?’
He sighed. ‘Hi, Mum.’
There was a pause. ‘Well?’
‘I … don’t really know what to say.’
‘No, that’s pretty much exactly how I felt!’ said his mum.
‘I guess they called you then.’
‘Yes, and they’re going to send through an email with more details.’
Jack frowned. More details? ‘Wait, w-what sort of details did they give you?’
‘Just the basics. When, where, how much.’
‘How much ?’
‘Then there’s the big question, which is whether you want to do it again.’
Do it again? Jack’s brows drew together in confusion. He’d expected the conversation to be weird – but not this weird.
‘It’s your choice, obviously. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. But I just think, despite the way things ended up, you actually did have a lot of fun the first time, right?’
Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing. With the others still talking, he hunched over his phone and whispered, ‘Mum, this is kind of awkward …’
‘Okay. Let’s talk it through properly tonight.’
‘Or … let’s not?’
‘Well, you’ll have to decide sooner or later. But I understand. It’s a lot to think about. But if you do decide to put yourself out there again, we’ll have forms and things to fill out, so we’d want to get onto that asap.’
‘ Forms ?’
‘Well, you’ll need parental permission. Consent forms. They said they’ll want to film you at school, at home, that kind of thing.’
‘ Film me?’ Was he being monitored now?
‘Just a small crew. Then they want you to come on stage.’
‘Um –’
‘I know, it could be a bit full-on with an audience and everything, but it’s not a competition and you won’t be on your own. There’s going to be a whole bunch of you doing it, apparently.’
‘Wait wait wait wait wait,’ said Jack, putting a hand to his forehead. ‘The school wants to film me doing … that ?’
Suddenly the others were looking his way. There was a pause on the other end
‘No,’ said Jack. ‘I’m not.’
Vivi cocked her head to one side. ‘That’s funny, because yesterday morning you decided to tell us all that you’d been masturbating for the entire holidays .’
‘Thank you,’ said Darylyn.
Jack groaned. ‘I’ve been through all this already.’
‘Sorry I missed it,’ said Vivi. ‘But we were busy filling in my application for Mayor for a Week.’
‘We?’ said Jack.
‘I had to get Oliver to nominate me.’
‘ I hadn’t been hauled away to see the vice principal,’ said Sampson, shrugging. ‘Plus I had the advantage of not having my hands full.’
‘Come on, dude,’ said Reese, frowning at Sampson. ‘Why are you even here?’
‘It’s okay, Reese,’ said Jack. ‘I can take a joke. I wouldn’t want you thinking I’m being weird or anything.’
Darylyn glanced at Reese, then Jack. ‘Well. This did not go the way I expected.’ She looked up at Sampson. ‘Also, I don’t know who you are.’
Just then, Jack’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He’d forgotten: someone had been trying to call him. That was how the whole case-of-mistaken-masturbating had started.
With everyone busy talking to Sampson, Jack knelt down and threw the merkin into the bottom of his backpack, burying it beneath a pile of books.
With his hands and pockets finally free of pubic hairpieces, he grabbed his phone and checked his messages.
A missed call, a voicemail message and a bunch of texts, all from his mum.
I’m serious Jack! said the latest text. Call me back NOW!!
Mr Trench had obviously called home already. Which meant the following conversation was going to be awkward.
Jack turned his back on Vivi and the others for a moment, took a deep breath, and pressed ‘Dial’.
His mum’s voice was high-pitched and breathless when she answered. ‘Jack?’
He sighed. ‘Hi, Mum.’
There was a pause. ‘Well?’
‘I … don’t really know what to say.’
‘No, that’s pretty much exactly how I felt!’ said his mum.
‘I guess they called you then.’
‘Yes, and they’re going to send through an email with more details.’
Jack frowned. More details? ‘Wait, w-what sort of details did they give you?’
‘Just the basics. When, where, how much.’
‘How much ?’
‘Then there’s the big question, which is whether you want to do it again.’
Do it again? Jack’s brows drew together in confusion. He’d expected the conversation to be weird – but not this weird.
‘It’s your choice, obviously. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. But I just think, despite the way things ended up, you actually did have a lot of fun the first time, right?’
Jack couldn’t believe what he was hearing. With the others still talking, he hunched over his phone and whispered, ‘Mum, this is kind of awkward …’
‘Okay. Let’s talk it through properly tonight.’
‘Or … let’s not?’
‘Well, you’ll have to decide sooner or later. But I understand. It’s a lot to think about. But if you do decide to put yourself out there again, we’ll have forms and things to fill out, so we’d want to get onto that asap.’
‘ Forms ?’
‘Well, you’ll need parental permission. Consent forms. They said they’ll want to film you at school, at home, that kind of thing.’
‘ Film me?’ Was he being monitored now?
‘Just a small crew. Then they want you to come on stage.’
‘Um –’
‘I know, it could be a bit full-on with an audience and everything, but it’s not a competition and you won’t be on your own. There’s going to be a whole bunch of you doing it, apparently.’
‘Wait wait wait wait wait,’ said Jack, putting a hand to his forehead. ‘The school wants to film me doing … that ?’
Suddenly the others were looking his way. There was a pause on the other end
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