“Belt?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He does as he’s told, and then we’re surging forward, driving through the show ground gates and into the countryside.
The music combines with the growling vibrations and feeds my senses. The dramatic landscape of the snow-capped mountains feeds my soul.
Liam changes gears again and we rapidly gain speed, but I’m not afraid. The car hugs the road as we round a bend.
The next bend is sharper and the road widens to accommodate the craggy cliff rising on my left and the steep drop on my right, but we’re not hugging the curve.
“Fuck!” Liam hisses.
“What?” My eyes widen as the sheer drop closes up on me. “Liam!”
“Fuck! Fuck!”
I don’t know what’s happening.
My heart has already dropped over the edge that is right here, right below me.
Time freezes in a flash of blinding light.
Lucy’s here. She wears her favourite strappy sundress and flat sandals. She’s as beautiful and happy as the last time I saw her, before…
She rolls her eyes at me. “You’re way too early, Kee. It’s not time yet.”
I know what this means.
I’m dead.
“It’s not my choice, Luce.”
“Not anymore,” Kyle’s voice says.
My gaze flits in that direction and there he stands, a heartbeat away from me. His warm brown eyes looking into me. His love and adoration carved into the expression on his handsome face.
His smile comes slowly, sadly. “You know how much I love you, Keegan, but I didn’t mean for it to be like this. Don’t you know that?”
No, I don’t.
“I wanted you to live. I wanted you to be happy.”
“I did,” I tell him. “I was.”
He bites down on his lip. “I wanted you to love, and now it’s too late.”
“I love you.” And I understand. These are not his words. How could they be? He doesn’t know how I’ve lived. How I’ve clung. “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t, baby.” He reaches for me. And he’s close enough to touch me, but somehow his open fingers never make it. “How can you lose me when I fill so many memories? I’m not going anywhere, no matter how many times you love.”
14
TIME UNFREEZES INTO slow-motion, disjointed frames. I’m staring down the deep crevice of a bottomless pit. My stomach lurches, my head spins. If we’re not free-falling yet, it can only be that some portion of the wide tires on my side are still treading along the edge.
Frame one: I look down, see nothing. Bile lurches up from my stomach to burn my throat.
Frame two: My head snaps to Liam.
Frame three: He’s turned slightly toward me, his eyes on some spot between us, his mouth distending slowly to form the word, “Fuck.”
Frame four: He yanks up the emergency handbrake.
Frame five: Rubber burning. Tires screaming. The car jack-knifes, spinning us away from the edge.
Time speeds up and my head slams into the back of the seat. Liam hits his side window. The car spins a full one-hundred-eighty degrees into a crunching slide along the sheer cliff wall and finally, finally, scrapes to a grinding stop.
My heart thunders in my throat.
I’m still pressed against my seat, my breathing a series of choked hiccups, my trembling arms wrapped around my waist.
How are we alive?
I sit there, unhearing, unseeing, unknowing how we’re possibly still alive, not trusting that we’re still alive, until Liam brings me partially back.
“Keegan?” His hands are all over me, cupping my face, rubbing my arm, gently pushing my hair aside as his searching gaze checks for blood. “Are you okay? Keegan? Can you move? Fuck. Are you hurt?”
“I’m o-okay.” My throat is so dry, I can barely get the words. “You?”
“Yes,” he says gruffly, but one hand goes to his temple and I remember that side bashing into the window. “I can’t believe I fucking lost control of the car. Fuck.” His eyes shoot past me. “Come on, we have to get out. We’re on a damn bend.”
He grabs the remote and pushes the button to open the doors. My
“Yes, ma’am.” He does as he’s told, and then we’re surging forward, driving through the show ground gates and into the countryside.
The music combines with the growling vibrations and feeds my senses. The dramatic landscape of the snow-capped mountains feeds my soul.
Liam changes gears again and we rapidly gain speed, but I’m not afraid. The car hugs the road as we round a bend.
The next bend is sharper and the road widens to accommodate the craggy cliff rising on my left and the steep drop on my right, but we’re not hugging the curve.
“Fuck!” Liam hisses.
“What?” My eyes widen as the sheer drop closes up on me. “Liam!”
“Fuck! Fuck!”
I don’t know what’s happening.
My heart has already dropped over the edge that is right here, right below me.
Time freezes in a flash of blinding light.
Lucy’s here. She wears her favourite strappy sundress and flat sandals. She’s as beautiful and happy as the last time I saw her, before…
She rolls her eyes at me. “You’re way too early, Kee. It’s not time yet.”
I know what this means.
I’m dead.
“It’s not my choice, Luce.”
“Not anymore,” Kyle’s voice says.
My gaze flits in that direction and there he stands, a heartbeat away from me. His warm brown eyes looking into me. His love and adoration carved into the expression on his handsome face.
His smile comes slowly, sadly. “You know how much I love you, Keegan, but I didn’t mean for it to be like this. Don’t you know that?”
No, I don’t.
“I wanted you to live. I wanted you to be happy.”
“I did,” I tell him. “I was.”
He bites down on his lip. “I wanted you to love, and now it’s too late.”
“I love you.” And I understand. These are not his words. How could they be? He doesn’t know how I’ve lived. How I’ve clung. “I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t, baby.” He reaches for me. And he’s close enough to touch me, but somehow his open fingers never make it. “How can you lose me when I fill so many memories? I’m not going anywhere, no matter how many times you love.”
14
TIME UNFREEZES INTO slow-motion, disjointed frames. I’m staring down the deep crevice of a bottomless pit. My stomach lurches, my head spins. If we’re not free-falling yet, it can only be that some portion of the wide tires on my side are still treading along the edge.
Frame one: I look down, see nothing. Bile lurches up from my stomach to burn my throat.
Frame two: My head snaps to Liam.
Frame three: He’s turned slightly toward me, his eyes on some spot between us, his mouth distending slowly to form the word, “Fuck.”
Frame four: He yanks up the emergency handbrake.
Frame five: Rubber burning. Tires screaming. The car jack-knifes, spinning us away from the edge.
Time speeds up and my head slams into the back of the seat. Liam hits his side window. The car spins a full one-hundred-eighty degrees into a crunching slide along the sheer cliff wall and finally, finally, scrapes to a grinding stop.
My heart thunders in my throat.
I’m still pressed against my seat, my breathing a series of choked hiccups, my trembling arms wrapped around my waist.
How are we alive?
I sit there, unhearing, unseeing, unknowing how we’re possibly still alive, not trusting that we’re still alive, until Liam brings me partially back.
“Keegan?” His hands are all over me, cupping my face, rubbing my arm, gently pushing my hair aside as his searching gaze checks for blood. “Are you okay? Keegan? Can you move? Fuck. Are you hurt?”
“I’m o-okay.” My throat is so dry, I can barely get the words. “You?”
“Yes,” he says gruffly, but one hand goes to his temple and I remember that side bashing into the window. “I can’t believe I fucking lost control of the car. Fuck.” His eyes shoot past me. “Come on, we have to get out. We’re on a damn bend.”
He grabs the remote and pushes the button to open the doors. My
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