do with my feelings
getting too big for my body again and a lot to do with being made to feel a fool in front of people.
What was it about me, anyway? I just didn’t seem to be able to fit in anywhere. I was hopeless at school and Mia’s friendship always made me feel inadequate like I was never quite
good enough. I wanted to be able to stand up for myself but I didn’t know what I wanted to make a stand about!
A light tapping noise at the window startled me. As I pulled back the curtain and squinted out of the window I had to duck the next stone that was flying towards the window.
A voice whispered, ‘Have you finished changing the cat litter tray yet?’
‘Yes,’ I hissed back and as I leaned out of the window I smiled at my answer to Gabe’s question, feeling like an absurd Juliet.
‘Come for a walk with me. It’s a beautiful evening. I’ll wait for you at the front.’ He leaped back over the wooden fence.
My first instinct had been not to go, but since when had my first instincts got me anywhere? So I splashed my face with cold water, pulled on my clothes, took a deep breath and went outside.
Gabe was sitting on an old stone wall opposite the house. There was a faint thud of music coming from Charlie’s place. Gabe’s legs twitched in time to the music.
We headed off down the lane in silence for a bit, then Gabe said, ‘Sorry for the cheap doughnut jokes. I will never mention the “d” word again. Though, I have to say that I am
truly impressed by your ability in that department.’
I noticed how soft and warm the tone of his voice was despite the well-rounded vowels.
‘Sorry for my “changing the cat litter tray” put-down,’ I replied.
Gabe laughed. ‘That was funny – and so quick. I usually only think of things like that to say afterwards.’
‘Me too, usually.’
It was a beautiful warm evening with a half-moon in the sky.
‘Where I live it’s never dark or quiet,’ I said.
‘I go to college there. Do you miss London?’ Gabe asked as he sat down under a tree. I stayed standing, but leaned against the trunk.
‘I’m not sure if I miss it exactly. It’s just the people there. They seem more real when you’ve left them behind. Or maybe it’s just that you can understand your
own feelings about them better from a distance.’
Gabe leaned back on the other side of the tree trunk.
‘And what are your feelings about the people you’ve left behind?’
‘Mixed. Sometimes I miss them but mostly I feel relieved to be away from them for a while. It gives me some space to think,’ I said as I became aware of the tip of Gabe’s elbow
touching mine.
I moved my arm away slowly and stroked the bark.
‘What is anti-folk music? I am sick of pretending that I have any idea what it is,’ I said, laughing.
Gabe grinned. ‘It’s easier to tell you what it isn’t. It’s a reaction to manufactured pop music.’
I nodded. ‘All those boy and girl bands and reality contest stuff. It is getting pretty boring.’
‘That stuff is so phoney. They’re told what to wear, how to sing in a certain way, what to say in interviews. Like they haven’t got any opinions of their own. No one sings
about anything that really matters.’ He looked down at his watch and grabbed my arm. ‘Come on, run! We can just make it.’
‘No way am I . . .’ I started to say before I was pulled along.
We raced down a hill, across a field and down through a graveyard. We stopped next to the churchyard. My lungs were bursting and my heart was banging on my chest to be let out.
Gabe put his arm around me as the bells from the church tower began to ring out. We counted twelve muffled rings.
‘Is there somebody in there?’ I asked, still catching my breath.
‘The vicar has to sit there all through the night and ring the bell.’
‘You are kidding me!’ I said. Then I looked at the expression on Gabe’s face.
He laughed. ‘Urban urchin.’
‘Country bumpkin.’
‘Mall
getting too big for my body again and a lot to do with being made to feel a fool in front of people.
What was it about me, anyway? I just didn’t seem to be able to fit in anywhere. I was hopeless at school and Mia’s friendship always made me feel inadequate like I was never quite
good enough. I wanted to be able to stand up for myself but I didn’t know what I wanted to make a stand about!
A light tapping noise at the window startled me. As I pulled back the curtain and squinted out of the window I had to duck the next stone that was flying towards the window.
A voice whispered, ‘Have you finished changing the cat litter tray yet?’
‘Yes,’ I hissed back and as I leaned out of the window I smiled at my answer to Gabe’s question, feeling like an absurd Juliet.
‘Come for a walk with me. It’s a beautiful evening. I’ll wait for you at the front.’ He leaped back over the wooden fence.
My first instinct had been not to go, but since when had my first instincts got me anywhere? So I splashed my face with cold water, pulled on my clothes, took a deep breath and went outside.
Gabe was sitting on an old stone wall opposite the house. There was a faint thud of music coming from Charlie’s place. Gabe’s legs twitched in time to the music.
We headed off down the lane in silence for a bit, then Gabe said, ‘Sorry for the cheap doughnut jokes. I will never mention the “d” word again. Though, I have to say that I am
truly impressed by your ability in that department.’
I noticed how soft and warm the tone of his voice was despite the well-rounded vowels.
‘Sorry for my “changing the cat litter tray” put-down,’ I replied.
Gabe laughed. ‘That was funny – and so quick. I usually only think of things like that to say afterwards.’
‘Me too, usually.’
It was a beautiful warm evening with a half-moon in the sky.
‘Where I live it’s never dark or quiet,’ I said.
‘I go to college there. Do you miss London?’ Gabe asked as he sat down under a tree. I stayed standing, but leaned against the trunk.
‘I’m not sure if I miss it exactly. It’s just the people there. They seem more real when you’ve left them behind. Or maybe it’s just that you can understand your
own feelings about them better from a distance.’
Gabe leaned back on the other side of the tree trunk.
‘And what are your feelings about the people you’ve left behind?’
‘Mixed. Sometimes I miss them but mostly I feel relieved to be away from them for a while. It gives me some space to think,’ I said as I became aware of the tip of Gabe’s elbow
touching mine.
I moved my arm away slowly and stroked the bark.
‘What is anti-folk music? I am sick of pretending that I have any idea what it is,’ I said, laughing.
Gabe grinned. ‘It’s easier to tell you what it isn’t. It’s a reaction to manufactured pop music.’
I nodded. ‘All those boy and girl bands and reality contest stuff. It is getting pretty boring.’
‘That stuff is so phoney. They’re told what to wear, how to sing in a certain way, what to say in interviews. Like they haven’t got any opinions of their own. No one sings
about anything that really matters.’ He looked down at his watch and grabbed my arm. ‘Come on, run! We can just make it.’
‘No way am I . . .’ I started to say before I was pulled along.
We raced down a hill, across a field and down through a graveyard. We stopped next to the churchyard. My lungs were bursting and my heart was banging on my chest to be let out.
Gabe put his arm around me as the bells from the church tower began to ring out. We counted twelve muffled rings.
‘Is there somebody in there?’ I asked, still catching my breath.
‘The vicar has to sit there all through the night and ring the bell.’
‘You are kidding me!’ I said. Then I looked at the expression on Gabe’s face.
He laughed. ‘Urban urchin.’
‘Country bumpkin.’
‘Mall
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