reaching out
for me. “I think it’ll be good for you, too. Maybe it’ll help you move on.”
“I don’t want to move on.” Tears well in my eyes, and
I try to blink them away. “How did this happen?” I ask, trying to stay calm,
but getting more agitated with each syllable. This makes no sense. It has to be
the girl in the coffee shop, but I hadn’t realized I’d left him on his own that
much. Have I really been so preoccupied with my family that I ignored Josh?
Ignored him when he needed me? Ignored what was happening?
“You know that girl you saw me with?” he says, unable
to meet my eyes while he confirms my worst nightmare. “Her name is Hope. And
she isn’t a potential Antichrist. She’s someone I’ve developed feelings for.”
My heart stops. The world spins. “When could you have possibly
fallen for her?”
“When I was in Washington, waiting for you to get over
Noah’s rebellious phase. She works at the coffeehouse. That’s where we met. At
first she was just someone to talk to, but lately… I have feelings for her,
Grace, and it wouldn’t be fair to you not to be honest about it.” His face
scrunches up like the words taste sour. Well, good, because my world’s just
been ripped apart.
“I thought we were good. I thought…I thought you
loved me. Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?” I ask through the tears.
It’s becoming increasingly harder to stay standing with my knees feeling like
jelly.
“I just did,” he says, backing up a little. Are his
eyes glassy, too? Or is it just my own blurred vision? “I know it’ll be
awkward. If you want me to find another mentor, I’ll ask Mr. Griffith.”
“No. No, I-I mean, it’s my job. You’re an Angel now
and I’m your mentor.” My throat is so thick I can barely get the words through.
“You’re not going to have a whole lot of time with Hope, though, while you’re
working. Are you even sure Mr. Griffith is okay—”
“I’m her new Guardian Angel. She asked for one and he’s
already approved. And I’ll find enough time.” He turns away. He probably can’t
bring himself to see what he’s doing to me. At least some part of him still
cares.
“We can get through this, Josh,” I say, reaching for
his arm. “It isn’t about another girl. It’s about us. Please look at me.”
He rips his arm away and won’t turn around. “Maybe
sometime. But I need a break for awhile. At least until you’ve finished wasting
your time being mad at your brother for making his own choices.”
There’s physical pain in my chest. If I make a sound,
it’ll be a sob. I won’t let him see me like this; see how much he’s hurt me. I
have to go.
So I run. I leave the room and Josh and everything I
thought I had and I head for the gates, morphing into jeans and a T-shirt so I
look like a distraught soul who’s just died. Hopefully Shona’s not working here
today and no one will recognize me. And no one will try to stop me or befriend
me since no one’s been assigned to me.
I sit in the cloud by the corner of the gates. Mist
flows up and over my lap, obscuring my lower half as I finally let it all out.
I cry for what must be hours, until I’m empty. There’s nothing left to fill me
up, so I sit, watching the souls meet their greeters, and review what Josh
said.
I can’t even be mad at Hope. She probably doesn’t know
Josh has a girlfriend— had a girlfriend.
A girl about my age has just come up, screaming and
crying and tearing at the collar of her shirt. Shona said that means she
probably died in a way that had to do with her neck. By choking, strangulation,
or having her throat slit. It’s amazing how many people are murdered in a given
day. The unforgiveable sin. Maybe humanity isn’t worth saving. Maybe I was too
ready to believe Josh didn’t have a choice when he was working for Lucifer when
all the time he did, just like how he keeps telling me Noah has a choice. Maybe
people like Josh, people who make the wrong
for me. “I think it’ll be good for you, too. Maybe it’ll help you move on.”
“I don’t want to move on.” Tears well in my eyes, and
I try to blink them away. “How did this happen?” I ask, trying to stay calm,
but getting more agitated with each syllable. This makes no sense. It has to be
the girl in the coffee shop, but I hadn’t realized I’d left him on his own that
much. Have I really been so preoccupied with my family that I ignored Josh?
Ignored him when he needed me? Ignored what was happening?
“You know that girl you saw me with?” he says, unable
to meet my eyes while he confirms my worst nightmare. “Her name is Hope. And
she isn’t a potential Antichrist. She’s someone I’ve developed feelings for.”
My heart stops. The world spins. “When could you have possibly
fallen for her?”
“When I was in Washington, waiting for you to get over
Noah’s rebellious phase. She works at the coffeehouse. That’s where we met. At
first she was just someone to talk to, but lately… I have feelings for her,
Grace, and it wouldn’t be fair to you not to be honest about it.” His face
scrunches up like the words taste sour. Well, good, because my world’s just
been ripped apart.
“I thought we were good. I thought…I thought you
loved me. Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?” I ask through the tears.
It’s becoming increasingly harder to stay standing with my knees feeling like
jelly.
“I just did,” he says, backing up a little. Are his
eyes glassy, too? Or is it just my own blurred vision? “I know it’ll be
awkward. If you want me to find another mentor, I’ll ask Mr. Griffith.”
“No. No, I-I mean, it’s my job. You’re an Angel now
and I’m your mentor.” My throat is so thick I can barely get the words through.
“You’re not going to have a whole lot of time with Hope, though, while you’re
working. Are you even sure Mr. Griffith is okay—”
“I’m her new Guardian Angel. She asked for one and he’s
already approved. And I’ll find enough time.” He turns away. He probably can’t
bring himself to see what he’s doing to me. At least some part of him still
cares.
“We can get through this, Josh,” I say, reaching for
his arm. “It isn’t about another girl. It’s about us. Please look at me.”
He rips his arm away and won’t turn around. “Maybe
sometime. But I need a break for awhile. At least until you’ve finished wasting
your time being mad at your brother for making his own choices.”
There’s physical pain in my chest. If I make a sound,
it’ll be a sob. I won’t let him see me like this; see how much he’s hurt me. I
have to go.
So I run. I leave the room and Josh and everything I
thought I had and I head for the gates, morphing into jeans and a T-shirt so I
look like a distraught soul who’s just died. Hopefully Shona’s not working here
today and no one will recognize me. And no one will try to stop me or befriend
me since no one’s been assigned to me.
I sit in the cloud by the corner of the gates. Mist
flows up and over my lap, obscuring my lower half as I finally let it all out.
I cry for what must be hours, until I’m empty. There’s nothing left to fill me
up, so I sit, watching the souls meet their greeters, and review what Josh
said.
I can’t even be mad at Hope. She probably doesn’t know
Josh has a girlfriend— had a girlfriend.
A girl about my age has just come up, screaming and
crying and tearing at the collar of her shirt. Shona said that means she
probably died in a way that had to do with her neck. By choking, strangulation,
or having her throat slit. It’s amazing how many people are murdered in a given
day. The unforgiveable sin. Maybe humanity isn’t worth saving. Maybe I was too
ready to believe Josh didn’t have a choice when he was working for Lucifer when
all the time he did, just like how he keeps telling me Noah has a choice. Maybe
people like Josh, people who make the wrong
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