Read Online Soon by Charlotte Grimshaw - Free Book Online

hadn’t done it. I sometimes think if there was a button I could push that would eliminate her, I’d push it.’
    â€˜That’s horrible.’
    â€˜There’s nothing as horrible as wanting to escape from yourself. From the things you’ve done. I only had the affair because I was in a low state. I wasn’t myself.’
    â€˜But it’s brutal, to want to “push a button and eliminate her”.’
    â€˜Yes. It’s cruel. But you want me to be honest, remember? I feel revulsion for the whole thing. I’d sunk. I was drowning.’
    â€˜But she wouldn’t see it that way.’
    â€˜No. She probably thought she was raising herself up.’
    She stared at him. ‘It is cruel.’
    â€˜That’s what happens when the haves get with the have-nots. The centre cannot hold.’
    Roza frowned. ‘ You could have stayed together, out of, you know, love.’
    â€˜Love? She was completely uneducated. But there’s more. When I first met her, all that time before, she was brought into the hospital, in labour, with an escort. A prison guard. She’d been arrested for a drug offence. We had the affair years later, after she got out of jail.’
    â€˜I don’t believe this.’ Roza wasn’t laughing now. ‘Jail. And she has a child?’
    â€˜It had died by the time I met her again.’
    â€˜Died! God, Simon. Is there anything else?’
    â€˜No, that’s it. The child died naturally, according to her — of meningitis.’
    Roza said, ‘Why are you telling me this now? She’s not around, is she? Not a nuisance?’
    â€˜No . . . but she exists. She’s out there.’
    â€˜Does she make contact?’
    He held back from mentioning the stranger’s phone call. ‘I haven’t talked to her for years. I shouldn’t have told you all this. You’ll keep it a secret, won’t you? It would be a disaster if anyone found out. We have to think of Elke.’
    â€˜Elke?’
    â€˜I mean, the children, the family, Karen. And I don’t want David hearing about something like this.’
    â€˜Oh yes, we all need to stick together,’ she said in a distant voice. She bit her thumbnail, thinking.
    â€˜Roza, you won’t tell him?’
    â€˜Of course not. Think of all my secrets. I know about shame. I was a disgraceful addict, remember? I know how it is. Your whole self recoils at the thought of going back. You hate the thing that brought you low, and the people you met while you were down there. Don’t worry, I’m your friend; I’m your fan; I love you. And you’re right — we have to think of the children.’
    â€˜Do you really love me?’
    She squeezed his arm. ‘Poor Simon, you’ve gone all bleak and crushed. Of course I do.’
    Talking about Mereana had increased his anxiety, but Roza had switched abruptly to her old playful tone. Every answer she gave would be joking and ironic, and it would be impossible to know what she really thought.
    She went off to rescue Johnnie from the nanny. Simon walked over to the Little House to shower and change. He found clothes strewn over the floor and Karen lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling and looking inexplicably bleak.

Revulsion
    â€˜What is it, my jewel?’
    But Simon realised he’d just imitated Roza as ‘the Bachelor’ in her endless Soon stories. He cleared his throat. ‘I mean, what’s wrong?’
    Karen turned on her side. ‘I hate, I loathe Ed Miles.’
    â€˜I thought all you ladies found him amusing and nice-looking and stylish.’
    â€˜He’s horrible.’
    â€˜Well, I’ve always wondered what you saw in him.’
    â€˜He insulted me. It was so unexpected. He made a comment about my age, which was rather bitchy, now I think back. But then, as we were all getting up he leaned over to me and whispered, so no one else would