unfair to yourself? I would have thought you were worth more than a few stilted words in a cheap restaurant.’
‘I don’t expect you think so,’ he said, making as if to get up.
‘So I’m meant to be thinking: poor Dinah married to a bloody-minded cripple or something like that?’
‘We seem to have gone off the rails somewhere.’ His voice trembled, but with the effort of getting up. I watched him brace one arm on the edge of the table, the other on the back of his chair.
Just before he turned to go he said:
‘I enjoyed the fish anyway.’ His smile was one of wistfully good-natured regret about the way everything else had gone. I could have said: ‘Good for you.’ In fact I didn’t say anything.
I watched him painfully thread his way past the tables between us and the door. Two people pulled their chairs in as he limped by. They were trying to shorten the distance he had to walk I supposed. He moved more painfully than I had yet seen him move. Then I saw why. He had left his stick behind. I picked it up and ran out after him. He was leaning against a wall further up the street. I could see the rapidity of his breathing as each breath became vapour in the cold raw air.
‘Wasn’t that rather a futile gesture?’ I asked.
I thought of his question again: ‘Isn’t it better to forget?’ I also remembered the callousness of my reply.
Simpson said:
‘I thought it might make a point.’
I walked away in the opposite direction. I doubted whether Simpson would relay this meeting to Dinah. I rearranged my silk scarf and reflected that I had learned more in one day than I could reasonably have hoped.
Eight
Just before two o’clock that Saturday I was standing outside Mrs Lisle’s varnished door.
‘You’re early. I suppose you thought I might take him out myself if he arrived before you.’
She led me into the sitting room. We both sat down. In the daylight I saw the room better. The photograph of Dinah was still there. The furniture was functional rather than beautiful. I also remembered the nineteenth-century landscapes . They would be fashionable now.
‘What would you have done if I’d asked Mark or Dinah to bring him?’
‘That wouldn’t have been very wise. They might have asked why you’ve agreed to let me take him out.’
‘I could have pointed out that you forced me by talking about the past in front of Andrew.’
‘Not altogether convincing.’
‘Have you any idea why I did say yes?’
‘Because you were curious to know what I was up to.’
She looked at me with interest. Behind her glasses her eyes fixed mine. When she spoke it was with slight unease, as though she was hiding something from me — something I ought to know.
‘Why are you trying to find out after all those years?’
‘Don’t you mean what am I trying to find out?’
‘Both. And you won’t answer. I don’t see why you should. Nevertheless I know perfectly well that you’re not just magnanimously showing that you forgive us for what happened .’ She clapped her hands together and leant forwardsmiling: ‘Well, that’s enough of that. You must tell me about yourself. What are you doing these days?’
I began to wonder whether I had in fact forced her to let me take the child out. No, she had chosen to let me. I ought to be asking her questions. What could she think about Simpson?
‘Unashamedly pursuing the delights of mammon,’ I replied to her last question; then added: ‘Unlike your son- in-law .’
I saw her purse her lips with irritation. What had her financial ambitions for Dinah been? She decided to ignore my last words.
‘I gather from what you said to Andrew that you’re in the transport business.’
‘Not solely.’
‘Let me guess what else.’ She must have known how false this playfulness sounded. Anyway she seemed to know the answer. ‘Property,’ she announced with hopeful certainty.
‘I let out a number of premises for shops.’
‘While maintaining an interest in the
‘I don’t expect you think so,’ he said, making as if to get up.
‘So I’m meant to be thinking: poor Dinah married to a bloody-minded cripple or something like that?’
‘We seem to have gone off the rails somewhere.’ His voice trembled, but with the effort of getting up. I watched him brace one arm on the edge of the table, the other on the back of his chair.
Just before he turned to go he said:
‘I enjoyed the fish anyway.’ His smile was one of wistfully good-natured regret about the way everything else had gone. I could have said: ‘Good for you.’ In fact I didn’t say anything.
I watched him painfully thread his way past the tables between us and the door. Two people pulled their chairs in as he limped by. They were trying to shorten the distance he had to walk I supposed. He moved more painfully than I had yet seen him move. Then I saw why. He had left his stick behind. I picked it up and ran out after him. He was leaning against a wall further up the street. I could see the rapidity of his breathing as each breath became vapour in the cold raw air.
‘Wasn’t that rather a futile gesture?’ I asked.
I thought of his question again: ‘Isn’t it better to forget?’ I also remembered the callousness of my reply.
Simpson said:
‘I thought it might make a point.’
I walked away in the opposite direction. I doubted whether Simpson would relay this meeting to Dinah. I rearranged my silk scarf and reflected that I had learned more in one day than I could reasonably have hoped.
Eight
Just before two o’clock that Saturday I was standing outside Mrs Lisle’s varnished door.
‘You’re early. I suppose you thought I might take him out myself if he arrived before you.’
She led me into the sitting room. We both sat down. In the daylight I saw the room better. The photograph of Dinah was still there. The furniture was functional rather than beautiful. I also remembered the nineteenth-century landscapes . They would be fashionable now.
‘What would you have done if I’d asked Mark or Dinah to bring him?’
‘That wouldn’t have been very wise. They might have asked why you’ve agreed to let me take him out.’
‘I could have pointed out that you forced me by talking about the past in front of Andrew.’
‘Not altogether convincing.’
‘Have you any idea why I did say yes?’
‘Because you were curious to know what I was up to.’
She looked at me with interest. Behind her glasses her eyes fixed mine. When she spoke it was with slight unease, as though she was hiding something from me — something I ought to know.
‘Why are you trying to find out after all those years?’
‘Don’t you mean what am I trying to find out?’
‘Both. And you won’t answer. I don’t see why you should. Nevertheless I know perfectly well that you’re not just magnanimously showing that you forgive us for what happened .’ She clapped her hands together and leant forwardsmiling: ‘Well, that’s enough of that. You must tell me about yourself. What are you doing these days?’
I began to wonder whether I had in fact forced her to let me take the child out. No, she had chosen to let me. I ought to be asking her questions. What could she think about Simpson?
‘Unashamedly pursuing the delights of mammon,’ I replied to her last question; then added: ‘Unlike your son- in-law .’
I saw her purse her lips with irritation. What had her financial ambitions for Dinah been? She decided to ignore my last words.
‘I gather from what you said to Andrew that you’re in the transport business.’
‘Not solely.’
‘Let me guess what else.’ She must have known how false this playfulness sounded. Anyway she seemed to know the answer. ‘Property,’ she announced with hopeful certainty.
‘I let out a number of premises for shops.’
‘While maintaining an interest in the
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