the name. He did not move a muscle, but stood staring at her as if she were a bird he was afraid would fly away.
Her gaze darted toward the kids on the playground, and at the teachers refereeing, and at Abby watching from the door of the school building, hands clenched at her sides, gaze fierce, as though she were getting ready to thwack a baseball.
âIâm sorry, Tedi. I didnât come here to scare you.â Dadâs voice drew Tediâs attention back to him, and his blue gaze held her, roving over her face, as if he was studying it. âI wasnât even going to let you know I was here. I just wanted to see you again. I thought youâd be out on the playground with the rest of the kids.â He sounded hoarse, as if he hadnât been talking much lately and wasnât used to it.
He wouldnât stop looking at her.
âBut why are you out?â she demanded.
âThe judge released me.â
Tedi felt a fresh surge of anger and fear. What kind of a judge would release a man whoâd almost killed his own kid? âWhy?â
âI dried out, no booze sinceâ¦None all summer.â
âOh, sure. How can you get to the booze when youâre locked up? That doesnât prove anything.â
âThatâs what I asked them. I was afraid to leave. I didnât trust myself because I canât forget what I did to you.â He slowly took his hands out of his pockets and spread them, taking care not to get close to her. âThe judge assigned a new, young attorney to my case, and the guy got me out on bail because I had a good record at the detox center, and Iâd never been in trouble with the police before, andââ
âBut I almost died!â Tedi crossed her arms over her chest. How could they just let him go like that? âMom said you couldnât get out to hurt me again.â
He winced as if someone had slugged him. A muscle tightened in his jaw. âI wonât hurt you again.â Now he seemed to study the ground as closely as he had been studying her. âIâm sorry. I shouldnât have come here. I just wanted to see you, see for myself how you were doingâ¦. I guess I had to make sure you were really okay. I was so scared that nightâ¦so sure thatâ¦And the police took me in while you were being flown out for surgery.â He looked up then, and his gaze pinpointed the scar at her throat. âI did that and so many other things. All these months in detox Iâve realized how much I did to destroy what I had with you, andâ¦and I was the one who destroyed the relationship I had with your mother. Iâve been forced to admit so much this summer, so much I didnât want to see, but that I canât afford to forget.â
Tedi watched his face and listened to his voice. Heâd apologized before. Maybe heâd meant it when he said it, but what good had it done?
His gaze drifted again to her throat, and she knew he was looking at the scar, then he closed his eyes for a moment, squeezing them tightly shut, as if he were afraid they would burn out if he kept them open any longer. He looked old. He was the same age as Mom, but he looked a lot older than she did. His eyes looked wrinkled, and they turned down at the corners, the way his mouth did.
âIâm sorry,â he said softly, and he raised his head and gazed into her eyes again. âI canât ever make it up to you, Tedi, and Iâm so sorry.â He took a deep breath. âBut Iâm going to try anyway. Tedi, Iâm not supposed to be here, but I want to get permission to try to see you again. Before I do that, though, I want to know if itâs okay with you. If not, Iâll wait.â
She didnât move, didnât speak. She was too shocked, not by his words, but by the fact that she realized she didnât hate him totally. Mostly, but not totally.
âIâd like a chance to talk with you, Tedi. Your
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