Read Online So Much It Hurts by Melanie Dawn - Free Book Online
Authors: Melanie Dawn
Tags: Contemporary
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stairs.
I stared at my ceiling for a long time that night before going to sleep. Renae, my best friend from middle school, and I had spent hours one weekend researching constellations and strategically placing hundreds of glow-in-the-dark star stickers all over my ceiling. Although she and I had grown apart once we got into high school, I smiled at the reminder of our fun memories together—a time of innocence and happiness. Staring at the glowing “night sky” that Renae and I had created somehow brought peace to my broken spirit.
I regretted not slipping into the booth with Chris. If I had, I felt sure my night would have ended differently. No one suspected my heartache. No one knew the longing I had in my heart to be rescued from the nightmare of Trevor. I felt trapped, like a caged animal, desperately clawing at the metal rods. Finally yielding to my futile efforts for escape from the cage that I so willingly had walked into, I gave up all hope of freedom by lying listless in the corner. I was a pawn in Trevor’s game of chess just waiting for his next move. I never thought of myself as a coward. I had always been strong-willed and never viewed myself as a weakling, but for reasons I didn’t understand, Trevor had a power over me that I felt like I couldn’t overcome. As soon as I tried to walk away, he would pull me back with his pleading declarations of love. If that strategy didn’t work, he’d remind me of his 9mm handgun. I kept hoping that things would change and get better, but they didn’t. My fear of Trevor kept me running like a hamster on a wheel going nowhere; I hated myself for it. I was too scared to do anything about it. No one grasped the pain that I felt as I forced myself to look happy on the outside, while a war on the inside raged out of control.
The following Monday, I found Trevor waiting for me by my locker before school. He grinned. “There’s my girl.”
I never knew from day to day what kind of mood Trevor would be in when I saw him. “Hey,” I said dryly.
He caught me in a hug and held me close for several seconds. “I’m really sorry about what I said the other night. I love you so much, and couldn’t imagine my life without you. Are you still mad at me?” he pouted, looking like a lost puppy.
“Yeah,” Caleb teased from a few lockers down. “Don’t be mad, Kaitlyn. Trevor would be lost without you.”
I looked at Caleb who shot me his best puppy dog look also, and then grinned.
Ugh. “I guess not,” I caved.
“Good!” Trevor lured me with his enchanting smile that got me every time.
I smiled half-heartedly at him as he headed off to class. When he got halfway down the hall he turned around and blew me a kiss. I reprimanded myself immediately for forgiving him so easily. I decided that Trevor had some kind of magical power over me. His mystical power was the only explanation I had for his ability to change my mood, and my mind, in one instant.
When I got to Theatre Arts class that day, I was relieved to see Chris sitting in his usual seat. A couple of students were gathered around him while he strummed a guitar. Ms. Carducci kept a variety of instruments in her classroom to use for props and accompaniment during our rehearsals. Chris’s fingers strummed effortlessly while he sang the words to a song I had never heard. His voice was soft and smooth like velvet. I sat down in my seat, mesmerized by the sound of his tender voice. The tardy bell rang just as his song ended, and everyone quickly rushed to their desks.
Leaning toward me, he whispered, “I wrote that song while I was in juvie.”
My eyes grew wide. There’s that word again—juvie. I remembered Eva’s warning. You just never know…
“It’s okay,” he laughed as if he could read my mind. “I’m not a psychopath. I’m not going to hurt you.” His deliciously smooth, dark chocolate eyes found mine, and I instantly felt comforted.
“It was stupid,” he explained.
I stared at my ceiling for a long time that night before going to sleep. Renae, my best friend from middle school, and I had spent hours one weekend researching constellations and strategically placing hundreds of glow-in-the-dark star stickers all over my ceiling. Although she and I had grown apart once we got into high school, I smiled at the reminder of our fun memories together—a time of innocence and happiness. Staring at the glowing “night sky” that Renae and I had created somehow brought peace to my broken spirit.
I regretted not slipping into the booth with Chris. If I had, I felt sure my night would have ended differently. No one suspected my heartache. No one knew the longing I had in my heart to be rescued from the nightmare of Trevor. I felt trapped, like a caged animal, desperately clawing at the metal rods. Finally yielding to my futile efforts for escape from the cage that I so willingly had walked into, I gave up all hope of freedom by lying listless in the corner. I was a pawn in Trevor’s game of chess just waiting for his next move. I never thought of myself as a coward. I had always been strong-willed and never viewed myself as a weakling, but for reasons I didn’t understand, Trevor had a power over me that I felt like I couldn’t overcome. As soon as I tried to walk away, he would pull me back with his pleading declarations of love. If that strategy didn’t work, he’d remind me of his 9mm handgun. I kept hoping that things would change and get better, but they didn’t. My fear of Trevor kept me running like a hamster on a wheel going nowhere; I hated myself for it. I was too scared to do anything about it. No one grasped the pain that I felt as I forced myself to look happy on the outside, while a war on the inside raged out of control.
The following Monday, I found Trevor waiting for me by my locker before school. He grinned. “There’s my girl.”
I never knew from day to day what kind of mood Trevor would be in when I saw him. “Hey,” I said dryly.
He caught me in a hug and held me close for several seconds. “I’m really sorry about what I said the other night. I love you so much, and couldn’t imagine my life without you. Are you still mad at me?” he pouted, looking like a lost puppy.
“Yeah,” Caleb teased from a few lockers down. “Don’t be mad, Kaitlyn. Trevor would be lost without you.”
I looked at Caleb who shot me his best puppy dog look also, and then grinned.
Ugh. “I guess not,” I caved.
“Good!” Trevor lured me with his enchanting smile that got me every time.
I smiled half-heartedly at him as he headed off to class. When he got halfway down the hall he turned around and blew me a kiss. I reprimanded myself immediately for forgiving him so easily. I decided that Trevor had some kind of magical power over me. His mystical power was the only explanation I had for his ability to change my mood, and my mind, in one instant.
When I got to Theatre Arts class that day, I was relieved to see Chris sitting in his usual seat. A couple of students were gathered around him while he strummed a guitar. Ms. Carducci kept a variety of instruments in her classroom to use for props and accompaniment during our rehearsals. Chris’s fingers strummed effortlessly while he sang the words to a song I had never heard. His voice was soft and smooth like velvet. I sat down in my seat, mesmerized by the sound of his tender voice. The tardy bell rang just as his song ended, and everyone quickly rushed to their desks.
Leaning toward me, he whispered, “I wrote that song while I was in juvie.”
My eyes grew wide. There’s that word again—juvie. I remembered Eva’s warning. You just never know…
“It’s okay,” he laughed as if he could read my mind. “I’m not a psychopath. I’m not going to hurt you.” His deliciously smooth, dark chocolate eyes found mine, and I instantly felt comforted.
“It was stupid,” he explained.
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