Read Online So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish by Douglas Adams - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Douglas Adams
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a long smiling sigh. "Down from London are we?"
"No, that's all right, really," he said with a wave of his hand, and she started with an awful deliberation to peel off five tickets, one by one.
"Oh, but you must h ave your tickets," insisted the woman, "or you won't be able to claim your prize. They're very nice prizes, you know. Very suitable."
Arthur snatched the tickets, and said thank you as sharply as he could.
The woman turned to Fenny once again.
"And now, what about ..."
"No!" Arthur nearly yelled. "These are for her," he explained, brandishing the five new tickets.
"Oh, I see! How nice!"
She smiled sickeningly at both of them.
"Well, I do hope you ..."
"Yes," snapped Arthur, "thank you."
The woman finally departed to the table next to theirs. Arthur turned desperately to Fenny, and was relieved to see that she was rocking with silent laughter.
He sighed and smiled.
"Where were we?"
"You were calling me Fenny, and I was about to ask you not to."
"What do you mean?"
She twirled the little wooden cocktail stick in her tomato juice.
"It's why I asked if you were a friend of my brother's. Or half- brother really. He's the only one who calls me Fenny, and I'm not fond of him for it."
"So what's ...?"
"Fenchurch."
"What?"
"Fenchurch."
"Fenchurch."
She looked at him sternly.
"Yes," she said, "and I'm watching you like a lynx to see if you're going to ask the same silly question that everybody asks me until I want to scream. I shall be cross and disappointed if you do. Plus I shall scream. So watch it."
She smiled, shook her hair a little forward over her face and peered at him from behind it.
"Oh," he said, "that's a little unfair, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Fine."
"All right," she said with a laugh, "you can ask me. Might as well get it over with. Better than have you call me Fenny all the time."
"Presumably ..." said Arthur.
"We've only got two tickets left, you see, and since you were so generous when I spoke to you before ..."
"What?" snapped Arthur.
The woman with the perm and the smile and the now nearly empty book of cloakroom tickets was now waving the two last ones under his nose.
"I thought I'd give the opportunity to you, because the prizes are so nice."
She wrinkled up he nose a little confidentially.
"Very tasteful. I know you'll like them. And it is for Anjie's retirement present you see. We want to give her ..."
"A kidney machine, yes," said Arthur. "Here."
He held out two more ten pence pieces to her, and took the tickets.
A thought seemed to strike the woman. It struck her very slowly. You could watch it coming in like a long wave on a sandy beach.
"Oh dear," she said, "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
She peered anxiously at both of them.
"No it's fine," said Arthur. Everything that could possibly be fine," he insisted, "is fine.
"Thank you," he added.
"I say," she said, in a delightful ecstacy of worry, "you're not ... in love, are you?"
"It's very hard to say," said Arthur. "We haven't had a chance to talk yet."
He glanced at Fenchurch. She was grinning.
The woman nodded with knowing confidentiality.
"I'll let you see the prizes in a minute," she said, and left.
Arthur turned, with a sigh, back to the girl that he found it hard to say whether he was in love with.
"You were about to ask me," she said, "a question."
"Yes," said Arthur.
"We can do it together if you like," said Fenchurch. "Was I found ..."
"... in a handbag ..." joined in Arthur.
"... in the Left Luggage Office ..." they said together.
"... at Fenchurch street station," they finished.
"And the answer," said Fenchurch, "is no."
"Fine," said Arthur.
"I was conceived there."
"What?"
"I was con-"
"In the Left Luggage Office?" hooted Arthur.
"No, of course not. Don't be silly. What would my parents be doing in the Left Luggage Office?" she said, rather taken aback by the suggestion.
"Well, I don't know," spluttered Arthur, "or rather ..."
"It was in the ticket queue."
"The ..."
"The
"No, that's all right, really," he said with a wave of his hand, and she started with an awful deliberation to peel off five tickets, one by one.
"Oh, but you must h ave your tickets," insisted the woman, "or you won't be able to claim your prize. They're very nice prizes, you know. Very suitable."
Arthur snatched the tickets, and said thank you as sharply as he could.
The woman turned to Fenny once again.
"And now, what about ..."
"No!" Arthur nearly yelled. "These are for her," he explained, brandishing the five new tickets.
"Oh, I see! How nice!"
She smiled sickeningly at both of them.
"Well, I do hope you ..."
"Yes," snapped Arthur, "thank you."
The woman finally departed to the table next to theirs. Arthur turned desperately to Fenny, and was relieved to see that she was rocking with silent laughter.
He sighed and smiled.
"Where were we?"
"You were calling me Fenny, and I was about to ask you not to."
"What do you mean?"
She twirled the little wooden cocktail stick in her tomato juice.
"It's why I asked if you were a friend of my brother's. Or half- brother really. He's the only one who calls me Fenny, and I'm not fond of him for it."
"So what's ...?"
"Fenchurch."
"What?"
"Fenchurch."
"Fenchurch."
She looked at him sternly.
"Yes," she said, "and I'm watching you like a lynx to see if you're going to ask the same silly question that everybody asks me until I want to scream. I shall be cross and disappointed if you do. Plus I shall scream. So watch it."
She smiled, shook her hair a little forward over her face and peered at him from behind it.
"Oh," he said, "that's a little unfair, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"Fine."
"All right," she said with a laugh, "you can ask me. Might as well get it over with. Better than have you call me Fenny all the time."
"Presumably ..." said Arthur.
"We've only got two tickets left, you see, and since you were so generous when I spoke to you before ..."
"What?" snapped Arthur.
The woman with the perm and the smile and the now nearly empty book of cloakroom tickets was now waving the two last ones under his nose.
"I thought I'd give the opportunity to you, because the prizes are so nice."
She wrinkled up he nose a little confidentially.
"Very tasteful. I know you'll like them. And it is for Anjie's retirement present you see. We want to give her ..."
"A kidney machine, yes," said Arthur. "Here."
He held out two more ten pence pieces to her, and took the tickets.
A thought seemed to strike the woman. It struck her very slowly. You could watch it coming in like a long wave on a sandy beach.
"Oh dear," she said, "I'm not interrupting anything am I?"
She peered anxiously at both of them.
"No it's fine," said Arthur. Everything that could possibly be fine," he insisted, "is fine.
"Thank you," he added.
"I say," she said, in a delightful ecstacy of worry, "you're not ... in love, are you?"
"It's very hard to say," said Arthur. "We haven't had a chance to talk yet."
He glanced at Fenchurch. She was grinning.
The woman nodded with knowing confidentiality.
"I'll let you see the prizes in a minute," she said, and left.
Arthur turned, with a sigh, back to the girl that he found it hard to say whether he was in love with.
"You were about to ask me," she said, "a question."
"Yes," said Arthur.
"We can do it together if you like," said Fenchurch. "Was I found ..."
"... in a handbag ..." joined in Arthur.
"... in the Left Luggage Office ..." they said together.
"... at Fenchurch street station," they finished.
"And the answer," said Fenchurch, "is no."
"Fine," said Arthur.
"I was conceived there."
"What?"
"I was con-"
"In the Left Luggage Office?" hooted Arthur.
"No, of course not. Don't be silly. What would my parents be doing in the Left Luggage Office?" she said, rather taken aback by the suggestion.
"Well, I don't know," spluttered Arthur, "or rather ..."
"It was in the ticket queue."
"The ..."
"The
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