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expectantly.
    “No, Mama. No tea now.”
    “Ow, Dette,” she said, holding her head.
    “I know, Precious. I’ll tuck you back in when Heidi goes, and you can have more Jell-O,” Bernie told her. Then she turned to me. “You’ll call from every stop?”
    “Yes, from every stop,” I promised.
    “And I want you to call me the second you get to Liberty,” Bernie said, putting her hands on my shoulders, the way she always did when she wanted to make sure I was listening to her.
    “I will. I promise,” I told her.
    “You’ve got your sandwiches and the money I gave you?”
    “Yes,” I said.
    “You remember the name of the cab company?” she asked.
    “Yes, Bernie. ABC.”
    She had called Liberty information and located a cab service right near the bus stop that could take me up to Hilltop Home. She tried to let them know at Hilltop that I was coming, but the woman who answered the phone there kept putting her on hold before Bernie could get it out.
    “You’ll call me when you get to Liberty and then again when you reach Hilltop.”
    “Yes, Bernie,” I told her again, “I promise.”
    “Don’t tell anyone that you’re traveling alone. You pretend to be with someone at all times. Someone who looks safe. A woman. Someone who could be your mother.”
    We’d been over these details countless times.
    “Once you’re at Hilltop, you get whatever answers there are to be gotten, Heidi, then climb right back on the bus and come home to us.”
    “I will,” I said. She was still holding me by the shoulders, and when I tried to pull away, she slid her hands down my arms and took both my hands in hers.
    “I have to go now, Bernie,” I said.
    Reluctantly Bernadette let go of my hands, and her arms fell heavily to her sides.
    “Don’t be afraid,” she whispered.
    “I’m not,” I lied, even though I’d promised never to do that to her again.
    “Heidi—” Bernie’s voice got thick and her eyes filled up again.
    “Don’t worry, Bernie. I’ll be fine.”
    “You’re going now,” she said.
    It wasn’t a question but a statement of fact.
    When I got downstairs, I stood on the stoop and looked up. Bernadette and Mama were both standing at the window. Zander was sitting on the steps eating Devil Dogs. Hehanded me two unopened packs.
    “For the road,” he said.
    I wanted to hug him, but I wasn’t sure how he’d feel about that, so instead I punched him in the arm. He grinned and punched me back, but not too hard.
    “See ya,” he said.
    I walked backward, my suitcase bumping against my leg, the box from Bernie tucked under my arm, waving to Mama and Bernie and Zander until I had to turn the corner. As I waited for the Number Five, I set my suitcase and the box down on the curb. I was really doing this. I was going to New York by myself. I felt a strange hollow sensation in the pit of my stomach and my mouth tasted funny, metallic like the water from the drinking fountain at the library. I swallowed hard and looked up at the clear blue sky. It was comforting to know that a piece of that very same sky would be hanging over Liberty when I finally got there. Bernadette had been right, I was going to Liberty to chase down a four-letter word— s-o-o-f .

CHAPTER TEN
Go
    I got to the bus station with plenty of time to spare. I had planned to use the time to do what Bernie and I had agreed on, scout around for a woman sitting near my departure gate who I could get on the bus with. Once I got there, though, for some reason, that didn’t feel right. There were plenty of women around, all shapes and colors and sizes, and a lot of them looked pretty friendly, but instead of picking one out, I found a seat on an empty bench and sat down. I sat there for almost forty-five minutes with my suitcase clamped between my knees, waiting. I don’t know how to explain it—it was just a feeling I had that the right person would come along and find me instead of the other way around.
    About fifteen minutes before my bus