Read Online Snow Falls by Gerri Hill - Free Book Online

I just feel like—and this is so adolescent—but there are no fireworks,” she said, embarrassed by the direction of their conversation.
    “No Fourth of July when he kisses you?”
    Jen smiled and turned away from her. “No. But I don’t know if that’s what I mean. It’s just, it seems like there should be more . So I don’t know if it’s me, or if this is all there is.” She shrugged again. “Maybe there isn’t more. But if there is, then this isn’t what I want.” She laughed. “I know I’m not making any sense,” she said. She turned, meeting Ryan’s eyes expectantly. “I want more.”
    “Well, I’m certainly no expert on relationships,” Ryan said. “My experience is with Megan, remember. But if you’re questioning it, then I’d guess that you’re not in love with him.”
    “In love. That’s so ambiguous, isn’t it?” She pulled her gaze from Ryan, scanning the white terrain around them instead. “Brad and I were friends,” she said. “There was never any hint of...of sexual feelings between us. At least, not for me. We were just friends. I don’t even remember when or how we started dating. In fact, I think we had two or three or even four dates before he kissed me.” She looked back at Ryan, wondering why she was acknowledging the failings of her relationship to her. “It wasn’t...it wasn’t spectacular. But there was nothing else for me. Certainly nothing for me to compare it to. He was it. I think I was afraid of other guys. I was afraid of the uncertainty of it. Brad was safe. I knew Brad, I knew what to expect. Back then, that was important to me.” Sierra leaned against her leg and she reached down, ruffling her dark fur. “I had been so sheltered, I needed that safety net,” she said. “But I’ve changed so much since then. I’ve grown. I’m not the same person. And I don’t think he’s who I want to spend the rest of my life with.” As soon as she said the words out loud, she knew they were true. She smiled sadly. “I guess I just answered my own question. I love him. I care about him.” She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I’m just not in love with him. I can’t marry him.”
    “Have you told him any of this?”
    “No. Not quite so bluntly. I have questioned him as to whether he’s sure he’s happy with me. He says he is.”
    “Has he asked if you’re happy with him?”
    Jen shook her head. “I guess he just assumes that I am. I wouldn’t say that I’m terribly unhappy,” she said. “I think I’ve just been content with it all.” She met Ryan’s steady gaze, holding it. “I don’t miss him. I don’t miss that familiarity of having him in my life. I don’t miss our phone calls. I don’t miss our dinner dates. What I do miss is the friendship we had way back when.”
    “If you’re not happy, you should tell him before he pops the question. Then it’s just going to get awkward.”
    “I know. I haven’t known what to tell him until now,” she admitted. “I think, being out here, away from everything, away from our friends, put it in perspective. All of our friends are mutual. All of them. I couldn’t talk to any of them. Well, except Cheryl. She’s my closest friend. She works at Anasazi Press. That’s where I met her.” Jen smiled. “Back then, when I first started there, I was terribly shy. It’s a miracle I made it through the interview,” she said with a quick laugh. “I had a really hard time talking to people. But anyway, I think she suspects that I’m not happy. She knows I don’t want to get married.” She pictured Cheryl’s easy smile; she was one of the few people she actually did miss.
    “So I guess getting stuck by an avalanche has had some benefit then,” Ryan said with a smile.
    “For me, yes. I don’t know what you’re getting out of it though.”
    “Besides breakfast, you mean?”
    “Well, there’s that,” she said.
    “Oh, it hasn’t been bad,” Ryan said. “I have actually enjoyed