bomb, and put it down on the table. It was called
Happy Ducks
and, appropriately, was decorated with a picture of a smiling duck. Just underneath the duck, there was the small C in a circle Iâd seen on Fionaâs T-shirt and somewhere else. I flicked through the magazine. It wasfull of very useful objects that the keen duck-breeder would need. Duck food! Egg incubators! Little coats for ducklings!
âThatâs amazingly cool,â I said. âI think we should try it! Look, you can get a beginner duck-rearing kit from only £124.99! Can we? Can we?â
Dad just rolled his eyes and picked up the
Telegraph
.
âGood morning, Mummy, are you in a good mood?â
âWhy? Do you have something to confess?â
âYes.â
âThen if Iâm in a good mood itâs very likely to change. What is it?â
âWell, please donât make me reveal my sources, but I have splendid evidence that Jenna Jenkinsâs kidnapper is none other than Professor Ian Philips, probably helped by his brother Professor Archie Philips. They locked the poor girl in a broom cupboard in the Fitzwilliam Museum.â
Mum looked at Dad, who looked at Mum, and they both produced vexingly loud laughs. Dad smiled and said, âThe good thing about Sophie is that sheâs an imaginative little Scheherazade.â
âNo, seriously, parents, you have to believe me. He kidnapped Jenna and left her to rot with only a box of biscuits and a pile of comics in a cupboard. I donât know where she is now, but thatâs the absolute truth. And Archie Philips is involved in the Tsarina affair! And they both use the Fitz as a base for their illegal activities. . . .â
âMy adorable, insane little girl,â cooed Dad. âGo and get dressed. Youâre going to be late for school.â
âDad, I swear to God . . .â
âDonât swear to God.â
âI swear to the Archangel Gabriel . . .â
âDonât swear at all.â
âBut Daddy, seriously, look at me, I have my serious face onâseriously, the Professor Brothers of Evil have to be arrested. You have to call the police because if I do it they wonât believe me. . . .â
âYouâre right, they wonât. Go and put your uniform on.â
âBut theyâre the only ones who can tell us where Jenna Jenkins is!â
âOh, Sophie,â sighed Mum, half-smiling. âEverythingâs fine. We know where Jenna Jenkins is.â
My eyeballs almost fell out of their sockets, but I pressed them back in. âWhat?â
âWe received a letter from her this morning. Itâs just as we suspectedâshe had a nervous breakdown and left college for a few days to go to London. When she realized everyone was looking for her, she came back and wrote toexplain what had happened. Sheâs still shaken up, so sheâs going to give up on her degree this year and come back next year.
âSo you see,â said Dad, âthereâs nothing at all to worry about, my little spinner of funny tales.â
Still frowning with incomprehension, I joined Gemma and Toby on the school field.
âWhatâs wrong?â asked Gemma.
âFirstly, PE. Secondly, Jenna Jenkins has mysteriously reappeared. Youâll never believe it.â
I explained everything to them, and they gaped at the tale of my midnight escapade.
âI donât get it,â said Toby eventually. âIf Jenna Jenkins says she was in London, who was locked in the cupboard?â
âIt canât be anyone else. No one else was missing! Jenna Jenkins is nose-lengtheningly lying in the manner of Pinocchio. She was in that cupboard: I smelt her.â
Toby said, tying his shoelaces, âMaybe yougot it all wrong, Sesame. Maybe it wasnât your mumâs perfume, just the smell of cleaning products.â
âAre you saying my mum smells like a
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