shout in Fiaâs ear. But then she shoves off me and she is gone in the blackness now, screaming, screaming as loud as she can.
âWHAT DID YOU MAKE ME DO? WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DID I DO?â
She screams and screams until a soft thud hits the ground near me and then she is silent but everyone else is screaming and this is not the beach I saw and I crawl desperately in the sand, searching, because I donât know where Fia is.
Where is Fia?
âDRUGS, DRUGS, PLEASE GIVE ME DRUGS.â I MAKE A face at my pale reflection. My arm hurts. My head hurts. I donât understand anything thatâs happened today. Annie put the hit on Adam. Sheâs helping Keane. Why? And thanks to Keaneâs rules, I canât visit her or even call her without being spied on. How could she do this to me? To us? She used me.
My arm hurts.
My life hurts.
âDrugs, drugs, drugs, I want some drugs,â I sing, dancing out of the bathroom and into my living room. Itâs a beautiful apartment, Lincoln Park, impeccably furnished. James picked it for me when we got back from Europe and they decided it was dangerous for me to have easy access to Annie. One too many stray thoughts of grabbing her and running. Stupid Readers.
So she stays at the school and I get âfreedomâ that is as much a prison as Annieâs secure hall because they know Iâll never leave her.
As long as I do exactly what I am told I am perfectly free.
âDrugs, James, drugs, drugsââ I stop short, almost tripping, and let my anger (always on simmer, I keep it on simmer just for this) explode. âWhat are they doing here?â
Ms. Robertson and Eden are sitting on my couchâ my couch âand James is by the window on his phone. Anger, anger, anger, Eden is already squirming, looking like sheâs going to be sick. I turn to Ms. Robertson and mentally list every dirty, foul, obscene word Iâve ever heard or read. I start screaming them in my head, letting them bounce around inside my skull, the whole place a vast echo chamber of filth and bile and words, words, words.
Then, because her severe mouth is a single straight line but she hasnât gotten truly angry yet, I smile, bare all my teeth at her, and think three simple words: Andy, Ashley, Ally . She gasps in horror and rushes from the couch straight at me, grabbing both my arms (my arm, my arm, pain pain pain) and slamming me into the wall.
âHow do you know their names? How?â
Andy, Ashley, Ally. Andy, Ashley, Ally. ANDY, ASHLEY, ALLY.
âSTOP IT!â she screams, and I sigh in relief as James pulls her off me. Oh, my arm; spots dance in front of my eyes, but itâs worth it.
Ms. Robertson is screaming at James and heâs talking, trying to calm her down. I sink along the wall to the floor and laugh. I knew it was a good idea to pick up her cell phone when she left it out on her desk the other day. I didnât even have to sing pop songs, and my thoughts are safe.
âIf she doesnât have anything to hide, then why does she do that? You donât know what itâs like, having to listen in on her thoughts! Sheâs a monster!â
â Rawr ,â I say.
James walks her to the door. âI think everyone could use a break. Doris, thank you so much for your efforts, and I promise your family is safe and she doesnât know where they are and even if she didââhe cuts a sharp glance my direction with his warm brown beautiful eyesââshe would never hurt them. Sheâs just disoriented and in pain. Itâll pass.â
âI doubt that.â She opens the door. âGive my love to the kids,â I shout as the door closes, and Iâve never seen that shade of red on a face. Itâs quite lovely, actually, I should aim for it more often.
Eden stands. Oh, Eden, why havenât you gotten out of here yet? You could go, you could be freeâwhy are you still working with them?
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