Read Online Silent Surrender by Abigail Barnette - Free Book Online
Authors: Abigail Barnette
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barely more than a cupboard with two beds squeezed in it, but larger than the room he lived in at the boarding house, so he couldn’t complain. Still, it seemed far more lonely and stifling than his room ever had, and sharing it with the sour old butler had made him glad Honoria had wanted him in her bed the night before.
Ah, you fool. You’ve started to like her. He would have to do something about that, and right quick, if he meant to forget her once she was gone. Never in his life had he found it difficult to forget a woman and yet here he was, wondering if he could go back downstairs and kiss away the troubled look that had been on her in the parlor.
He supposed it would be lonely, not being able to hear anything. To try it out, he pushed his fingers in his ears and looked about the little room. It still looked the same, but he supposed his temporary deafness wasn’t anything like her permanent state.
Her teacher was mad for her, that was clear enough. So why hadn’t he done anything about it? Why ship her off to France if he was so keen on her?
Truth be told, he would rather think of Honoria opening her legs to Jude every night than withering away celibate in some French school. Or worse, having off with a Frenchman. He thought of the seed he’d spilled in her and wondered what would happen if he got a child on her. Maybe he would have to do the honorable thing, then? He hoped not. He’d never planned to do an honorable thing in his entire life. She would do all right as a wife, probably, and give him lots of fat, squalling children. Worse things had happened to him, he supposed.
That was a fantasy, and not one he could afford to indulge. He had to remember his place, and next time she called on him, he’d have to give her what she deserved, not rut her like a boar. He could be tender, as he had been with her that first time. She deserved that much.
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he glanced at himself in the small mirror over the washstand. The same face, ugly as ever, stared back at him, the long swoop of his scar shining pink beneath his eye. He couldn’t see his clothes but he knew how ridiculous he looked in them, like a bear dressed up in ballerina’s costume.
“Come in.”
The door creaked open and Jude’s head popped round. “Am I interrupting you?”
“Interrupting me doing what?” Esau asked, then corrected himself. He didn’t want to sound rude, no matter how he might dislike the man. Jude took care of Honoria. He was a good man, even if he was prickly. “No, you’re not interrupting.”
Jude stepped into the small attic room, ducking his head. He clasped his hands behind his back. “While you were out, Honoria was invited to play cards tonight with some of the ladies in her circle.”
“Ah, so she won’t be needing me, then.” Esau was a bit disappointed by that. He supposed he shouldn’t be greedy, but she was such a sweet thing—
Jude’s spine straightened. The man could put a line to shame, when he got a bee in his bonnet over something. “Whatever she might need from you is entirely between the two of you.”
Chapter Five
The evening at Miss Merriweather’s had gone well enough, Jude supposed as he settled beside the fire in the sitting room. Comfortable with a drop of good port, he was content to drug himself into a sound sleep. He wasn’t certain he could take another night of loud moans and furniture banging around.
The moment the peevish thought went through his brain, he regretted it. He wasn’t pleased at their arrangement, but he could not begrudge Honoria some small joy in this time of sadness.
The sitting room door opened and Esau slipped through, already looking apologetic for something. Never had a man looked so guilty as this one so frequently did, Jude mused, and then he stopped himself. He could not afford friendly feelings toward the man.
“She’s taking a bath,” Esau said, reaching behind his head to scratch the short
Ah, you fool. You’ve started to like her. He would have to do something about that, and right quick, if he meant to forget her once she was gone. Never in his life had he found it difficult to forget a woman and yet here he was, wondering if he could go back downstairs and kiss away the troubled look that had been on her in the parlor.
He supposed it would be lonely, not being able to hear anything. To try it out, he pushed his fingers in his ears and looked about the little room. It still looked the same, but he supposed his temporary deafness wasn’t anything like her permanent state.
Her teacher was mad for her, that was clear enough. So why hadn’t he done anything about it? Why ship her off to France if he was so keen on her?
Truth be told, he would rather think of Honoria opening her legs to Jude every night than withering away celibate in some French school. Or worse, having off with a Frenchman. He thought of the seed he’d spilled in her and wondered what would happen if he got a child on her. Maybe he would have to do the honorable thing, then? He hoped not. He’d never planned to do an honorable thing in his entire life. She would do all right as a wife, probably, and give him lots of fat, squalling children. Worse things had happened to him, he supposed.
That was a fantasy, and not one he could afford to indulge. He had to remember his place, and next time she called on him, he’d have to give her what she deserved, not rut her like a boar. He could be tender, as he had been with her that first time. She deserved that much.
A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts and he glanced at himself in the small mirror over the washstand. The same face, ugly as ever, stared back at him, the long swoop of his scar shining pink beneath his eye. He couldn’t see his clothes but he knew how ridiculous he looked in them, like a bear dressed up in ballerina’s costume.
“Come in.”
The door creaked open and Jude’s head popped round. “Am I interrupting you?”
“Interrupting me doing what?” Esau asked, then corrected himself. He didn’t want to sound rude, no matter how he might dislike the man. Jude took care of Honoria. He was a good man, even if he was prickly. “No, you’re not interrupting.”
Jude stepped into the small attic room, ducking his head. He clasped his hands behind his back. “While you were out, Honoria was invited to play cards tonight with some of the ladies in her circle.”
“Ah, so she won’t be needing me, then.” Esau was a bit disappointed by that. He supposed he shouldn’t be greedy, but she was such a sweet thing—
Jude’s spine straightened. The man could put a line to shame, when he got a bee in his bonnet over something. “Whatever she might need from you is entirely between the two of you.”
Chapter Five
The evening at Miss Merriweather’s had gone well enough, Jude supposed as he settled beside the fire in the sitting room. Comfortable with a drop of good port, he was content to drug himself into a sound sleep. He wasn’t certain he could take another night of loud moans and furniture banging around.
The moment the peevish thought went through his brain, he regretted it. He wasn’t pleased at their arrangement, but he could not begrudge Honoria some small joy in this time of sadness.
The sitting room door opened and Esau slipped through, already looking apologetic for something. Never had a man looked so guilty as this one so frequently did, Jude mused, and then he stopped himself. He could not afford friendly feelings toward the man.
“She’s taking a bath,” Esau said, reaching behind his head to scratch the short
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