was that guy you were talking to?” Toni continued.
So she hadn’t been completely immersed in Gary’s company. Good, except he wished she hadn’t seen him with Zed. He shrugged. “Just some guy I used to know.”
“Ronan says he’s a dope dealer.”
His head jerked up. “Oh, so now you think I’m smoking dope.”
“I didn’t say that.” A faint crease appeared between her eyes. “Don’t be so defensive.”
“I haven’t bought any, if that’s what you’re worried about.” At his terse reply she pressed her lips together but didn’t respond. He knew what she was thinking, though. At high school there’d been the usual amount of drug-taking amongst their peers, but they’d never been tempted. Until one day he’d brought back a tiny amount of dope and convinced her they ought to try it at least once. Just a few puffs had made his head spin and Toni had been violently sick. After that they’d steered clear of any form of drug. She’d assumed he’d stay clean like her, but now she knew he hadn’t.
“But you used to,” she said, her voice soft, without accusation, but still it stung him.
Unable to witness her disappointment in him, he sank onto a bench beneath the trees. “A while back,” he said. “After high school when I was bumming around with no real plans. I fell in with some people in the same boat as me. They were heavy dope users, and the stuff was always lying around. They never pressured me, but I started sharing the odd cone with them at parties, and pretty soon I was smoking one almost every day.”
“Oh, Dion.” She plunked herself down next to him. “I heard a rumour you’d been hanging out with a bad crowd.”
He flexed his fists. “Becky, I suppose.”
“I only found out today.” Her eyes started to shimmer. “I never knew.”
“Why would you? You were in Sydney, studying and …” Falling in love, forging a new life, growing away from him in every way. “I had a job as a kitchen hand over at the bowling club. I was sharing a house with these guys and the whole dope thing just became part of the scenery.”
“So you did it just because everyone else around you was doing it?” Her voice shook. “Really, Dion?”
No, he wanted to yell. He didn’t do it to be accepted. There were other reasons, reasons he’d kept buried, reasons he’d barely acknowledged to himself. But now there was no hiding from them, not when the chief of them was sitting next to him, her baffled dismay skewering him. Without Toni he had drifted into murky waters. She was his anchor, his lode star. No way in hell could he tell her, though. He’d been dumb, but he’d be a complete moron to confess this.
He lifted his shoulders, hating how weak he sounded as he replied, “It was just a phase.”
“And your parents? They never knew what you were doing?”
“Dad found out. Dropped in one day and caught me in the act.” His dad had walked in without knocking to find Dion sprawled out on the couch, glassy-eyed and vacant, the squalid living room reeking of cannabis, his paraphernalia scattered on the coffee table in plain sight.
Toni’s hand flew to her mouth. “God! What happened? He must have been furious.”
“Furious doesn’t come close. We had a raging argument. I’ve never seen him come so close to striking me. He told me I was a waste of space and stormed out vowing never to talk to me again unless I cleaned up my act.”
She shook her head. “And your mother?”
“He’s never told her.”
“Oh. So what did you do after the argument?”
“I knew he was right. A week later I apologised to him and said I was going to change. I moved out of the share house, stopped seeing that crowd, even dropped surfing so I wouldn’t run into them. I started work at the Happy Palace, and never smoked dope again.”
“Just like that? Must have been quite an epiphany.”
Not quite as miraculous as that. He’d omitted a few pertinent details. Like the fact that a few days after
So she hadn’t been completely immersed in Gary’s company. Good, except he wished she hadn’t seen him with Zed. He shrugged. “Just some guy I used to know.”
“Ronan says he’s a dope dealer.”
His head jerked up. “Oh, so now you think I’m smoking dope.”
“I didn’t say that.” A faint crease appeared between her eyes. “Don’t be so defensive.”
“I haven’t bought any, if that’s what you’re worried about.” At his terse reply she pressed her lips together but didn’t respond. He knew what she was thinking, though. At high school there’d been the usual amount of drug-taking amongst their peers, but they’d never been tempted. Until one day he’d brought back a tiny amount of dope and convinced her they ought to try it at least once. Just a few puffs had made his head spin and Toni had been violently sick. After that they’d steered clear of any form of drug. She’d assumed he’d stay clean like her, but now she knew he hadn’t.
“But you used to,” she said, her voice soft, without accusation, but still it stung him.
Unable to witness her disappointment in him, he sank onto a bench beneath the trees. “A while back,” he said. “After high school when I was bumming around with no real plans. I fell in with some people in the same boat as me. They were heavy dope users, and the stuff was always lying around. They never pressured me, but I started sharing the odd cone with them at parties, and pretty soon I was smoking one almost every day.”
“Oh, Dion.” She plunked herself down next to him. “I heard a rumour you’d been hanging out with a bad crowd.”
He flexed his fists. “Becky, I suppose.”
“I only found out today.” Her eyes started to shimmer. “I never knew.”
“Why would you? You were in Sydney, studying and …” Falling in love, forging a new life, growing away from him in every way. “I had a job as a kitchen hand over at the bowling club. I was sharing a house with these guys and the whole dope thing just became part of the scenery.”
“So you did it just because everyone else around you was doing it?” Her voice shook. “Really, Dion?”
No, he wanted to yell. He didn’t do it to be accepted. There were other reasons, reasons he’d kept buried, reasons he’d barely acknowledged to himself. But now there was no hiding from them, not when the chief of them was sitting next to him, her baffled dismay skewering him. Without Toni he had drifted into murky waters. She was his anchor, his lode star. No way in hell could he tell her, though. He’d been dumb, but he’d be a complete moron to confess this.
He lifted his shoulders, hating how weak he sounded as he replied, “It was just a phase.”
“And your parents? They never knew what you were doing?”
“Dad found out. Dropped in one day and caught me in the act.” His dad had walked in without knocking to find Dion sprawled out on the couch, glassy-eyed and vacant, the squalid living room reeking of cannabis, his paraphernalia scattered on the coffee table in plain sight.
Toni’s hand flew to her mouth. “God! What happened? He must have been furious.”
“Furious doesn’t come close. We had a raging argument. I’ve never seen him come so close to striking me. He told me I was a waste of space and stormed out vowing never to talk to me again unless I cleaned up my act.”
She shook her head. “And your mother?”
“He’s never told her.”
“Oh. So what did you do after the argument?”
“I knew he was right. A week later I apologised to him and said I was going to change. I moved out of the share house, stopped seeing that crowd, even dropped surfing so I wouldn’t run into them. I started work at the Happy Palace, and never smoked dope again.”
“Just like that? Must have been quite an epiphany.”
Not quite as miraculous as that. He’d omitted a few pertinent details. Like the fact that a few days after
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