Read Online Shelf Monkey by Corey Redekop - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Corey Redekop
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ain’t she?”
I nodded, my head clearing. “She’s a piece of work. She’s what Shakespeare would call one seriously scary lady.”
“That she is, that she is,” he said, sealing the smoke with his tongue. “You smoke up?”
“Only when I’m depressed. Gimme.” He tossed me the cigarette along with his lighter and began rolling another for himself. Cupping my hand against the wind, applying flame to paper, I inhaled deeply, getting instantly dizzy in that good pre-cancerous way. The soothing smog worked its way down my windpipe, telling my lungs to relax, it’ll only be this one time. Too late, the sharp-sour tang of unwashed feet hit my smell receptors, informing me that, by the way, I was not inhaling tobacco/ nicotine/arsenic/toejam smoke, but was in reality now smoking a highly illegal and fairly potent spliff. I held the smoke down,musing on the possible side effects of marijuana when combined with a sizable dose of anti-depressants, then gave up the thought for being too depressing. Besides, is there such a thing as being too relaxed? And is that a bad thing?
“Don’t let her scare you, dude,” Aubrey said, taking the lighter back and igniting his own, savouring the taste with a heavy sigh.
“Too late,” I gasped, releasing the breath and enveloping my head in a cloud of happiness.
“She may appear vicious, but when you get to know her . . . ah, forget it. She’s Satan incarnate.”
“How do you put up with her?” I asked, another lungful of goodness massaging my nerves. Again, I was mesmerized by his hair, the tentacles swaying in the wind, a sea anemone gathering snacks. “She doesn’t come across as a people person.”
He shrugged, holding a weed cloud in his lungs for a few moments. “Page and people, no, not a good mix,” he said, exhaling. “She’d be happy if there was some way she could manage the store and keep people out of the equation, but you can’t sell without salespeople. Can’t sell without people to sell to. Page is all about the money. I’m all about the books. She hates me, hell, she detests people in general, but I can move the product, in her parlance, so she tolerates my existence. She rarely comes out on the floor anyhow. Just stay out of her way, and you’ll be fine.”
“She’s more afraid of us than we are of her?”
“Hardly. She’ll gut you in a second and use your steaming entrails as casserole filling, if she thinks you’re not living up to your earning potential.”
“What if I play dead?”
“Since when has that ever deterred a carrion-eater?”
“Charming.” I stubbed the embers out against the wall, putting the roach in my jacket pocket for future consumption. “I guess I’ll see you Monday.”
“Monday it shall be then. How’s your head, by the way?”
I massaged my forehead. “I’ll be fine,” I said, sheepish in my embarrassment. “I just hope that wasn’t an omen.”
“Hey, brother, you just had your hand up the nose of a well-known television personality, then went toe-to-toe with the highpriestess of the damned. I would guess that there’s nowhere to go but up.”
Good place to stop for a rest.
Yours,
Thomas
From
Variety
Munroe Biopic Announced
LOS ANGELES — With the Munroe Purvis investigation still ongoing, Fox Television has announced they have reached a deal with MuPu Incorporated to bring the life and times of Munroe Purvis to the screen.
Margaret Compar, head of Program Development at Fox, says in a press release, “Mr. Purvis’s life has been one of immense hardship and struggle, a truly inspirational story that we hope will provide a valuable glimpse into the inner workings of this most remarkable and influential man.”
When reached for comment, Ms. Compar’s press secretary Marcel Oxford told
Variety
, “The recent unfortunate and tragic developments in Mr. Purvis’s life will be covered in some detail, of course, but we are working hard to ensure this will not be simply a tasteless exposé
I nodded, my head clearing. “She’s a piece of work. She’s what Shakespeare would call one seriously scary lady.”
“That she is, that she is,” he said, sealing the smoke with his tongue. “You smoke up?”
“Only when I’m depressed. Gimme.” He tossed me the cigarette along with his lighter and began rolling another for himself. Cupping my hand against the wind, applying flame to paper, I inhaled deeply, getting instantly dizzy in that good pre-cancerous way. The soothing smog worked its way down my windpipe, telling my lungs to relax, it’ll only be this one time. Too late, the sharp-sour tang of unwashed feet hit my smell receptors, informing me that, by the way, I was not inhaling tobacco/ nicotine/arsenic/toejam smoke, but was in reality now smoking a highly illegal and fairly potent spliff. I held the smoke down,musing on the possible side effects of marijuana when combined with a sizable dose of anti-depressants, then gave up the thought for being too depressing. Besides, is there such a thing as being too relaxed? And is that a bad thing?
“Don’t let her scare you, dude,” Aubrey said, taking the lighter back and igniting his own, savouring the taste with a heavy sigh.
“Too late,” I gasped, releasing the breath and enveloping my head in a cloud of happiness.
“She may appear vicious, but when you get to know her . . . ah, forget it. She’s Satan incarnate.”
“How do you put up with her?” I asked, another lungful of goodness massaging my nerves. Again, I was mesmerized by his hair, the tentacles swaying in the wind, a sea anemone gathering snacks. “She doesn’t come across as a people person.”
He shrugged, holding a weed cloud in his lungs for a few moments. “Page and people, no, not a good mix,” he said, exhaling. “She’d be happy if there was some way she could manage the store and keep people out of the equation, but you can’t sell without salespeople. Can’t sell without people to sell to. Page is all about the money. I’m all about the books. She hates me, hell, she detests people in general, but I can move the product, in her parlance, so she tolerates my existence. She rarely comes out on the floor anyhow. Just stay out of her way, and you’ll be fine.”
“She’s more afraid of us than we are of her?”
“Hardly. She’ll gut you in a second and use your steaming entrails as casserole filling, if she thinks you’re not living up to your earning potential.”
“What if I play dead?”
“Since when has that ever deterred a carrion-eater?”
“Charming.” I stubbed the embers out against the wall, putting the roach in my jacket pocket for future consumption. “I guess I’ll see you Monday.”
“Monday it shall be then. How’s your head, by the way?”
I massaged my forehead. “I’ll be fine,” I said, sheepish in my embarrassment. “I just hope that wasn’t an omen.”
“Hey, brother, you just had your hand up the nose of a well-known television personality, then went toe-to-toe with the highpriestess of the damned. I would guess that there’s nowhere to go but up.”
Good place to stop for a rest.
Yours,
Thomas
From
Variety
Munroe Biopic Announced
LOS ANGELES — With the Munroe Purvis investigation still ongoing, Fox Television has announced they have reached a deal with MuPu Incorporated to bring the life and times of Munroe Purvis to the screen.
Margaret Compar, head of Program Development at Fox, says in a press release, “Mr. Purvis’s life has been one of immense hardship and struggle, a truly inspirational story that we hope will provide a valuable glimpse into the inner workings of this most remarkable and influential man.”
When reached for comment, Ms. Compar’s press secretary Marcel Oxford told
Variety
, “The recent unfortunate and tragic developments in Mr. Purvis’s life will be covered in some detail, of course, but we are working hard to ensure this will not be simply a tasteless exposé
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