Read Online Shelf Monkey by Corey Redekop - Free Book Online Page A

look-see. “And why would that be an asset at REED ?”
    “Because . . .” It’s a trap, be careful. Don’t mention the store’s name. “. . . it will increase sales?”
    What passed for a grin flitted across her face as she made a checkmark on her clipboard. The smile didn’t help soften her features. The image of Roy Scheider shovelling chum into the mouth of a mechanical shark swam through my mind.
    She looked me in the eyes. I bit back a scream. “Why did you quit your last job?”
Click, click.
    “It just wasn’t for me.” Be honest, but not too honest. “I was very aware of how unhappy it made me, and I feel that a miserable” miserable? Hah! Fingers blubbering the lips crazy, more like . . . “lawyer is not an effective lawyer. There are enough poor lawyers out there without me muddying up the pool.” Good. Solid answer.
    No crying or anything.
    “What’s it like, being a lawyer?”
    What’s it like being a bitch? “It had its moments.”
    “Moments?”
    “Moments. Brief periods of satisfaction.”
    “But not enough?”
    “No, not nearly.”
    “Good pay, I’ll bet.”
    “Meh.” I shrugged and waggled my fingers in the international signal for
comme ci, comme ça.
“Legal Aid.”
    “Ah.”
    Click, click.
    “Well, I’ll be honest with you, Thomas. I need someone, and I need someone now. I’ve had a few people quit on me recently, and I’m short-staffed.” She leaned forward. I congratulated myself on not recoiling in fright. “But,” she said. Why is there always a but? “But I’ve had bad luck with people like you in the past.”
    “People like me?” Lawyers? Lapsed Mennonites?
    “Readers. Bibliophiles. People who erroneously believe that the printed word is worth more than printed money. I’ve fired them before, and I hold no compunctions about doing so again. That’s why I have an opening right now. I will not stand for anything less than complete commitment to the achievement of each month’s projected sales quota. This is a business, it’s about making a profit, and if I run it like a car dealership, then that’s the way it is, clear?”
    Click, click.
    “And frankly, Thomas, if I may speak frankly, the fact that you quit the law does not impress me.It appears to me you might be a quitter.” She leaned back and regarded me, recrossing her legs. A torrent of sweat gathered in my armpits/crotch. “Are you a quitter, Thomas? Should we end this interview right now? Am I wasting my time with you?”
    “No.” Did I just piss myself?
    “Good. I need people who will sell books, not read them. Reading is secondary to sales. I understand you may believe that the artist is more important than the consumer, but that belief stops the moment you punch in for work. I expect knowledge of the product, of course, but the customer is always right.
Always
.
    Clear?”
    “Crystal.”
    “Good. Do what I say, make the sales, and we’ll get along fine. You start on Monday, we open at ten o’clock, be here by nine-thirty, dress appropriately, no nose rings, eyebrow rings, or anything of that sort. Conservative dress, nothing flashy, no nods to your unique individuality. Long-sleeve shirt, one colour, pants, one colour, shoes, one colour. No labels. You may take any hardcover home you would like to read, provided you return it in pristine condition. Otherwise, it comes out of your pay. You get forty percent off all purchases, including clearance items. Paycheques are every second Friday.”
    Click, click.
    She stood up, extending a talon toward me. “Welcome to RED , Thomas.”
    I grasped her claw, shook it firmly. “Thank you, Ms. Adler.”
    “Page.”
    “Page.”
    I managed to leave the building without collapsing, swearing, or assaulting someone. The fresh breeze slapped me around for a bit as I gulped down oxygen by the lungful.
    “Whooo. Friend, you look terrible.” Aubrey was slouched up against the wall, rolling a cigarette with his fingers. “She’s a type-A peach,