âyou are wasted on those brothers, sweetheart. Youâre too good for them, girl, you know that.â
âOh, come on, Amirah,â Samia sighed, âhavenât you grown out of that guy hating phase yet?â
âI never said I hate guys, Samia!â I said, making googly eyes at her. âI just donât trust them, OK? And besides, Muslim brothers make lousy husbands.â
âHow can you say that?â The expression on Samiaâs face was one of genuine surprise. âThe Prophet Muhammad â sallallahu alayhi wa sallam â was a fantastic husband.â
âYeah, I know that, Samia. But letâs be honest, youâre not likely to find anyone like that anytime soon, especially not walking the streets of Lambeth!â
Everyone laughed and, when the waitress came to take our order, we waved her away, saying, âthe usual, girl, the usual!â
Yasmin looked at me. âDonât you believe in love, Ams?â
I gave her my most incredulous expression. âYaz, whatâs love got to do with it? You can love the guy as much as you want, it doesnât stop him being a scumbag and taking liberties with you.â I was getting warmed up to my favourite subject: useless Muslim men. âListen, ladies, let me spell it out for you: Muslim men these days want all the perks and none of the hard work. They want the little obedient wife who will give it up whenever theyâre in the mood, who will have ten gazillion children and homeschool them all and help pay the rent. Why? Because theyâre spoilt and too lazy to get off their backsides and step up to the plate, like real men.â
âReally?â piped up Yasmin. âYour brother doesnât seem that type. I think heâd make someone a great husband, mashallah.â
I chuckled to myself. Yasmin wasnât fooling anyone. We all knew that she had had a crush on Zayd practically forever. âListen, girl,â I said to her, putting my hand on her shoulder, âforget about Zayd, all right? Heâs still in cloud cuckoo land, waiting for Miss Ideal Muslimah to appear.â I took a slurp of my extra-thick strawberry milkshake. âBesides, he wonât consider any sister whoâs not already wearing niqab.â I saw Yasminâs face fall and, for a moment, I felt bad for being so blunt. I sipped the milkshake it was cold and sweet, just the way I liked it and I thought to myself, Itâs better I be honest with her so she doesnât get her hopes up .
Rania took a huge bite out of her burger and rolled her eyes. âI donât care what anyone says,â she said, her mouth full of beef. âThis is by far the best burger in the south of England. No contest.â
I had to agree. Just the right amount of meatiness â not so much that you felt you were chewing on someoneâs leg â and just enough crumbliness, with a spicy, salty edge. Teamed up with crisp lettuce, a juicy slice of tomato, pickles and salad cream (no onions), you were talking serious burger beefcake, right there.
âAnother cow dies needlessly,â Samia said sourly.
âOh, no, Sami,â I winked at her, âthatâs where youâre wrong. This cow needed to die so it could end up on my plate right here.â I tapped the plate with the tip of my finger. âAn honourable end indeed for any bovine.â
Samia wrinkled up her nose and sniffed. Ever since she had decided to go vegetarian, sheâd become a pain to go to Katieâs with. She spent the whole time trying to make us feel guilty for being happy-go-lucky carnivores.
âSamia,â Rania pointed a French fry at her veggie burger, âhow do you square your new vegetarian ideals with the fact that the Prophet Muhammad ate meat? Isnât that a bit of a contradiction on your part?â She leaned in and narrowed her eyes. âIsnât it, in fact, haram to choose vegetarianism as a lifestyle
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