Read Online She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy by Cara North - Free Book Online
Authors: Cara North
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was all the way in Texas!
"Of course, until I had a car, I was hitching or bussing or working odd jobs to get back to Montana. I made it sound like an adventure. I was really just scared to death. Afraid each time I got in a stranger's car they would kill me or worse.” Chance dared a look at him. The moonlight reflected off his strong features. His jaw was set, his eyes focused on the sky above. He was beautiful. His presence calmed her. “The only time I really felt like I was worth something was when I was at this ranch. Here, with your family, with you. It's a scary thing to love someone and know that deep down you're not who they think you are. I thought for sure each time I came back you would know the truth. You would call my bluff, but you never did. And the lies got bigger, the tales taller, and I got deeper in the hole."
"You had a shitty childhood, Chance, and apparently a shitty life as a young adult. But you lived with me a year, in my house, slept in our bed, and you never once trusted me enough to tell me?” The betrayal he felt was a live energy pulsing through the air. He wasn't looking down on her, he wasn't condemning her, and he wasn't going to coddle her either.
"When do you tell someone you've been living a lie for fourteen years?” She almost choked on the words.
"Before you accept a ring maybe.” He let out a long breath. “I knew I had let you down, knew I had failed you somehow, but I had no idea it was this bad. I don't know you. And you obviously don't know jack shit about me if you thought that I would feel any different about you because of this.” Heath rolled to his side, away from her.
"How do you feel about me?” She placed her hand on his heavy thigh. The connection sent a wave of welcome heat over her, wrapping her like a blanket.
"I don't know.” He shrugged.
"Okay.” That was better than hating her. “You should know that I cut my mother off after I got to school."
"Why then?” he asked.
"Because I needed her. I spent all that time going to her rescue, and when I needed her most ... she wouldn't come to me. I had to go see a psychiatrist. Heath.” This was it. The last thing she had to tell him. “I was going to come back a month after I was there. I missed you, and I was miserable. Then, I fell down the stairs at the dorm, slipped on a stupid wrapper. I didn't think anything of it, but then I started bleeding, and it wasn't time, so I went to the doctor."
"Chance?” He rolled over and sat up. His eyes were fierce, and she feared his reaction.
"I had a miscarriage. I know I should have called or something, but you never called me or anything. You paid the doctor bill but didn't contact me even to cuss me out. I thought..."
"Jesus Christ, Chance!” Heath grabbed her arms and shook her. “It was a bill. It didn't say where you were or what had happened. You lost a child, our child? Son of a bitch!” And he was up on his feet in a flash.
"You're mad. I understand,” she started.
"Mad? Mad? I'm not mad, I'm ... I'm fuckin’ falling apart here. I find out a year later that I lost a child? Jesus! God, what did I do to deserve this?” And then he was on his knees. “A baby."
His head shook, and she wasn't sure what to do. Tears were already slipping down her cheeks. She had no idea he was going to be this devastated.
"Heath.” She crawled over to him. “I'm so sorry."
"God, Chance. You should have called me.” Then, he reached out and pulled her into his arms. “I'm so sorry you went through that alone. I'm sorry I wasn't what you needed."
"Don't say that! You are what I needed, what I need!” This was her hole. She dug it herself. She lied and tricked him, and she manipulated him just like she had watched her mother do to men who passed in and out of their lives. He didn't deserve that. He damn sure didn't deserve to hear about her miscarriage a year later. “I was a fool not to tell you. I was afraid that if you knew who I was, about the abortion,
"Of course, until I had a car, I was hitching or bussing or working odd jobs to get back to Montana. I made it sound like an adventure. I was really just scared to death. Afraid each time I got in a stranger's car they would kill me or worse.” Chance dared a look at him. The moonlight reflected off his strong features. His jaw was set, his eyes focused on the sky above. He was beautiful. His presence calmed her. “The only time I really felt like I was worth something was when I was at this ranch. Here, with your family, with you. It's a scary thing to love someone and know that deep down you're not who they think you are. I thought for sure each time I came back you would know the truth. You would call my bluff, but you never did. And the lies got bigger, the tales taller, and I got deeper in the hole."
"You had a shitty childhood, Chance, and apparently a shitty life as a young adult. But you lived with me a year, in my house, slept in our bed, and you never once trusted me enough to tell me?” The betrayal he felt was a live energy pulsing through the air. He wasn't looking down on her, he wasn't condemning her, and he wasn't going to coddle her either.
"When do you tell someone you've been living a lie for fourteen years?” She almost choked on the words.
"Before you accept a ring maybe.” He let out a long breath. “I knew I had let you down, knew I had failed you somehow, but I had no idea it was this bad. I don't know you. And you obviously don't know jack shit about me if you thought that I would feel any different about you because of this.” Heath rolled to his side, away from her.
"How do you feel about me?” She placed her hand on his heavy thigh. The connection sent a wave of welcome heat over her, wrapping her like a blanket.
"I don't know.” He shrugged.
"Okay.” That was better than hating her. “You should know that I cut my mother off after I got to school."
"Why then?” he asked.
"Because I needed her. I spent all that time going to her rescue, and when I needed her most ... she wouldn't come to me. I had to go see a psychiatrist. Heath.” This was it. The last thing she had to tell him. “I was going to come back a month after I was there. I missed you, and I was miserable. Then, I fell down the stairs at the dorm, slipped on a stupid wrapper. I didn't think anything of it, but then I started bleeding, and it wasn't time, so I went to the doctor."
"Chance?” He rolled over and sat up. His eyes were fierce, and she feared his reaction.
"I had a miscarriage. I know I should have called or something, but you never called me or anything. You paid the doctor bill but didn't contact me even to cuss me out. I thought..."
"Jesus Christ, Chance!” Heath grabbed her arms and shook her. “It was a bill. It didn't say where you were or what had happened. You lost a child, our child? Son of a bitch!” And he was up on his feet in a flash.
"You're mad. I understand,” she started.
"Mad? Mad? I'm not mad, I'm ... I'm fuckin’ falling apart here. I find out a year later that I lost a child? Jesus! God, what did I do to deserve this?” And then he was on his knees. “A baby."
His head shook, and she wasn't sure what to do. Tears were already slipping down her cheeks. She had no idea he was going to be this devastated.
"Heath.” She crawled over to him. “I'm so sorry."
"God, Chance. You should have called me.” Then, he reached out and pulled her into his arms. “I'm so sorry you went through that alone. I'm sorry I wasn't what you needed."
"Don't say that! You are what I needed, what I need!” This was her hole. She dug it herself. She lied and tricked him, and she manipulated him just like she had watched her mother do to men who passed in and out of their lives. He didn't deserve that. He damn sure didn't deserve to hear about her miscarriage a year later. “I was a fool not to tell you. I was afraid that if you knew who I was, about the abortion,
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