Read Online Shattered by Melody Carlson - Free Book Online Page B

making dark wet spots on the skirt of my blue dress.
    “Here, honey.” Aunt Kellie slips me a couple of tissues.
    I just nod, mumbling thanks, keeping my eyes down as I wipe my cheeks and blow my nose. All I can think is, When is that extra pill going to kick in? When will the pain go away? Or at least lessen? Finally, after a woman named Fiona sings a couple of songs, the pastor steps up to the podium. Just as he begins to speak, I start feeling a little dizzy and light-headed, but I don’t mind. I just hope I don’t pass out.
    To keep myself from falling asleep, I focus on Pastor Reynolds’s mustache as it moves up and down, and I count every time he uses the word she. I’m clear up to seventeen by the time he ends his little speech, but at least I’m still awake. Then a few more songs are sung, one of the elders prays, and it’s over.
    As we’re ushered out, I’m surprised at how many people are packed into our church’s sanctuary. Dad and my aunt and I form a reception line for those who want to walk by and express their regrets, et cetera, and I’m even more surprised at how many of these people claim to have dearly loved my mother. Many speak as if my mom was their closest friend, and one woman tells me that with my mom gone, there will be a big hole in her life. Maybe my mom really was friends with all these people, but she sure could’ve fooled me. I always assumed I was the only person she cared that much about, the one she invested herself into... and that besides Dad and me, she had no life. Maybe I was wrong.
    It’s a lot to take in, and it’s not easy acting like I’m really here when I keep fading in and out and things get a little fuzzy. But it doesn’t escape my attention that a lot of kids from my school are here. Some are ones I know and some are ones who’ve never said a word to me. Since the funeral started at ten, they must’ve been excused from classes to come today. Maybe that’s the reason they’re here—a get-out-of-school-for-free card.
    Even so, I try to act civilized and gracious to all of them, even to a girl named Brittany, whose most common nickname starts with the same letter as her first name. But I thank her for coming. And I try to remain clear and focused, which is a huge challenge considering how my head is floating way up high near the rafters just now.
    “How are you holding up, Cleo?” Daniel Crane asks me as he moves along with the other well-wishers. He’s one of the last people in line, and I can tell he’s a little uncomfortable about being here.
    I spied him earlier, but I still can’t believe he’s actually here or that he knows my name. I’ve been secretly infatuated with this guy since sophomore year when his family moved to town and he started coming to our youth group for a while. Anyway, he’s never actually spoken to me before, and eventually he faded out of youth group. I’m guessing because his life got too busy since he somehow made it into the popular crowd at school. Partly due, I’m sure, to his good looks and because he’s a nice guy, but also because he’s a natural athlete. This year he was elected as senior class president, so it’s hard to believe he’s actually talking to me. I suddenly realize I should respond.
    “It’s been pretty hard,” I finally say.
    “I’m sure it’s even harder with Lola gone,” he says with unexpected understanding.
    I blink. “You knew Lola?”
    “Sure. She came to this church, too. And it was obvious you two were really close friends.”
    I nod as a lump grows in my throat. “Yeah, I miss Lola a lot. But at least she’s not gone for good. I mean... you know... like my mom.”
    “I was really devastated when my grandpa died last fall. He and I had been pretty close. But I can’t imagine how hard it would be to lose a parent... and so tragically.” He puts his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze that sends a warm shiver down my back. “If you ever need someone to talk to,