under the desk, and log into my computer.
A t four, Kailie strolls in. “Okay, your long lost brother is hot.”
“Where'd you see him?”
“Standing outside Jacksons, having a screaming fight with your mom.”
“Oh.”
“What's this?” says Siraj.
“Madison has a long lost brother who just showed up in town.”
“Was this before I asked you how your day was?”
“Yeah,” I say.
“What does it take to be noteworthy in your life? This falls under, 'fine', as an answer?”
“I found out about him days ago,” I say.
“I'm pretty sure I ask you how your day is every day.” His eyes grow serious, though. He's joking around, but I can see he's grasped that this is what upset me on Saturday.
“What are they screaming about?” I ask.
“He says she's a bad role model. She says he's a cultist.” She pauses, and scans her eyes in the air as she goes over her memory. “I think that's pretty much it. They just use different words for the same stuff over and over.”
“How long did you listen in?”
“For all of it. You can hear them from Ridge Road.”
“Great. So the whole town's gonna be filling me in?”
“Pretty much. But back to him being hot.”
“I think he's older.”
“Like, how much older?”
I realize I have no idea. “He remembers me being one?”
“Oh, that really narrows it down.”
The door swings open and Elder Britton strides in, cheeks flushed. At the sight of Kailie, he bobs his head in greeting, then turns to me.
“How old are you?” she demands.
“Twenty-one.”
“See, way older,” I say.
I now understand why the panel of wood at the front of a desk is called a kickshield. But for it, Kailie would've kicked me in the shins, hard. “Elder Britton-”
“John,” he corrects me.
“John, Kailie, Kailie, John.”
“How long you in town for?” Kailie asks.
“Approximately twenty minutes.”
“Madison, go,” says Siraj. “I'll see you tomorrow.”
Even though I am not really grateful, I say, “Thank you.”
“No, thank you. You keep things interesting around here. What's next? Someone going to ask for a book other than Fifty Shades of Grey?”
“Just order a copy and putit out on the front table,” I suggest.
“This is a public library. We do have standards. I'm not ordering porn.”
“Glad to hear someone's taking a stand,” says John.
I do not want to spend another minute with this guy, let alone twenty, but I pack up my things and follow him out.
Once we're outside again, we stop and look at each other. I can still see the resemblance to my mom, now made stronger by his beaten down, spent demeanor. “I completely screwed this up,” he says. “I've been acting like Dad, bossing people around. I'm sorry, okay? I don't want to be like him.”
I fold my arms across my chest.
“I'm gonna start over here. Madison, it is amazing to see you again. You remember Black Bear?”
“No.”
“Your favorite teddy bear?”
“I don't have a teddy bear.”
“I know, you gave him to me. The night before you left I was crying over your crib and you handed me Black Bear and gave me a big hug. You couldn't even talk, but you were so sweet. It was your favorite teddy bear but you were adamant that I keep him. I brought him on my mission, even.”
“Did you get mocked for it?”
“Not when I told people the story, no. I've prayed every morning and every night for fifteen years to find you, and when I finally do, I come tell you off. I'm sorry.”
I shrug. “It's fine.”
“Please tell me what happened to your face.”
“A girl at school kicked me.”
“Why?”
“Because she claims we were seeing the same guy.”
“The guy you were talking to when I showed up?”
“Yeah.”
He nods. “Okay, so what happened after she kicked you?”
“I stayed home from school a couple of days and then when I went back today, JP wanted to talk so we were talking and you showed up.” My heart gives a little flutter when I use his nickname.
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